In the U.S., if you are in any of a number of seated “situations” such as a doctor’s waiting room, a airport gate waiting area, or a movie theater, it is a completely unspoken rule that you NEVER sit in the seat right next to someone you don’t know unless no other seats are available. You would always leave at least one seat between you and a stranger. I doubt anyone would say anything you if you did sit down right next to them, but it would make them uncomfortable.
This rule is followed even when it creates a great deal of inconvenience, as when a row of seats is actually a queue of waiting people who will be served in order. In that case it would make most sense to fill in the seats in order, leaving room for those who will arrive later and establishing your spot in line unequivocably, but people almost always still leave a chair between each, unless things get quite crowded.
My question is: in what countries is this rule followed? Does it have variations? In what countries is it perfectly acceptable to sit right down next to a stranger?
Also, U.S. dopers, you have observed this rule in action too, right? I’m not crazy?
It is completely unspoken. No one, not a parent or anyone ever told it to me. Everyone just knows.
I’ve definitely seen it, and taken part in it. I will not sit immediately next to someone unless absolutely necessary - even when I’m with someone else, like if we’re traveling together and waiting at the airport. Even then, there’s a seat between.
Canada is still non-U.S…and same social situation here, for sure.
However, I always followed it at the doctor’s office for fear of catching whatever the other person was there for…
Really though, I see it as an infringement of personal space when not necessary. Just like sitting next to someone on public transportation. You only sit next to someone if you know them, or if all the other seats are taken.
I’ve posted this before a long time ago, but I’ll save the hamsters:
At a Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting (CHOGM) a few years ago, delegates were provided with information regarding social customs of the other attending nations. On the topic of personal space, it said that the lower the population density of an area, the more personal space its inhabitants are used to. It specifically mentioned Canadians and Australians as requiring the most. Were the US a Commonwealth nation, I guess it would have received a mention too.
The specific “waiting room situation” mentioned in the OP is followed here in Australia. Elevators, public toilets, and the like also produce similar behaviour.
Fiji, for one. Fijian buses fill in a very neat, orderly manner from the front to the back, with a person in every seat. (Well, I probably shouldn’t generalize since I’ve only been on two, but I assume they were fairly typical.) It’s one of those neat mild cultural-shock experiences when you realize that your own habits, which have always seemed perfectly natural and logical, are nothing of the sort.
When I go to the movies with a male friend we always make sure there’s one seat between us which we call the “homo seat” that affirms our heterosexuality. Most times I’d rather stand when in situations like a doctor’s office or on a bus because I can get off much quicker and there isn’t that awkwardness of “I’m ignoring you and I don’t know you but your leg’s pressed right up against my leg”.
Anyway, yeah, I have observed the rule of “no sitting next to a complete stranger” and I’m very grateful for it. But I never heard of not sitting next to somebody you’re related to.
I must be a typical Canuck then. Just about everyone I know follows these types of unspoken rules about personal space, unless there’s no choice. If possible, I’d rather stand than sit next to a stranger also.
There is zero sense of social space here, where it’s extremely densely populated. People think nothing of jamming themselves against total strangers in elevators, etc. Occasionally, there’s no choice, but even when there is, they still do it. Waiters love to seat people at adjacent tables when there are empty ones elsewhere. I hate it.
There’s also an assumption in some places that someone alone is unhappy and worthy of pity. I’ve noticed it in SE Asia and N Africa. EG, sitting alone in a restaurant, you’ll have a waiter constantly standing right next to you, imagining you’ll feel happier. Seriously irritating to Western deviants who enjoy solitude.
New Zealanders sit down where there’s a seat, doesn’t matter if it’s next to someone else or what, in my experience. Funny thing is, we’re not really densely popluated at all.
Maybe I just live in a part of Auckland where folk really don’t give a darn.
In densly populated England, when your on a empty (well obviously not completely) train the most polite thing is to sit as far away as possible from the other person.
I had a friend from Japan who told me she thought it was hysterical the way people accomodate each other on the sidewalk here. “If there’s only two people on the whole block, they choose a side and move over-- even when you’re twenty feet apart!” I never really thought about it before it was pointed out, but it’s true.
I found this especialy ironic one time when I went to the movies with a gay friend of mine and I had to explain to him the meaning of the middle seat. He pretty much gave me the :rolleyes: bit and told me straight men are sooo weird.
Here in India, you grab the first available seat, because you know there are about a billion people waiting to take it if you don’t…
Seriously though, down here, it all depends on the social strata you’re in. Me, being from the snooty upper-middle class, I prefer to “leave one seat in between”. It is the polite thing. But only with strangers. With friends, family and people well known to me, male or female, none of that stuff happens. The same goes for everyone from this social class. I guess it kinda follows the same “lower population density” rule. In this country, the upper-middle class is a very small minority.
Lower down though in the ladder, there’s a lot less space, metaphorically speaking. Politeness be damned. Stand in queue to buy a railway ticket, and you will literally be separated by not more than a couple of inches from the person in front and behind you.
Too bad we don’t have any upper-middle class queues
But I never heard of not sitting next to somebody you’re related to.