Question for Stand-Ins

I have been in a 10 year relationship with the same person. He was out of the theater industry for years and got some extra parts in the Turn series as an extra and is now in the Homeland series as a stand in for 3 of the main male characters. Homeland, besides all of the CIA stuff, is known for having alot of sex scenes. I talked to him and asked him if he would be expected to stand in for these scenes and he told me that is not what stand ins do–no kissing or touching. Well, after six or seven lies about one particular scene, he admitted that a woman straddled him and said nothing else was done–they just sat there; although there were more inconsistances, and contradictions as to what they did. He assured me no kissing, and no simulated sex. After all the lies, I don’t know what to believe and after spending so much time looking on the internet I am unsure as to what stand-ins do. Can anyone tell me if simulated sex, nudity and kissing is expected. I feel like more sex scenes will come up in the rest of the episodes, I need to prepare myself. He said the director/producer is very sensitive about these things and he would not be expected to do bed scenes–laying on top of someone/someone laying on top of him and similar things. Just goes against what he originally told me about he had to take notes and do everything the actor does. He told me they handle sex scenes different. Anything would be appreciated. I’m a mess and thank you and Bless you.

Sounds like you have bigger problems than just this.

If you’ve been with this guy 10 years and not only can you not ask him directly but either he’s lying to your face or you just assume that he is, but in either case the trust in your relationship has been lost and THAT is your main problem, not this bullshit about the minutiae of filming sex scenes.

A stand-in isn’t an understudy or body double. A stand-in is simply a person who stands in the place where the actual actor will stand so that they can set up lighting, camera moves, and all of the other technical details which must be figured out before filming a scene. This setup can take hours so they don’t make the big name actors do it. If there’s a sex scene, the stand-in may be required to have contact with another stand-in but there will be no simulated sex or kissing.

This guy probably is lying to you but only because you’re making a huge deal out of something you know nothing about and he doesn’t want to deal with it.

I did ask him directly…and he lied repeatedly…saying they just sat beside one another on the sofa–no touching–then he thought he hugged her–then turned into embracing her…then sat on his knees, then to saying half way up his thighs…on and on until finally saying she straddled him. He said there was no simulated sex and she just sat there while they adjusted lights/cameras.
I admit, that you are right on about other problems as we have had trust issues.
I have done an enormous amount of research…and have found that there are some people who can handle this kind of thing. Then there are others who can’t. I would like to be one of those who can, just with the lying about it, not sure it is possible. Thank you so much for your reply.

Gus, you are right…I really know nothing about all of this. That’s why I came to this board because it sounds like there are quite a few knowledgeable people here who do know. I just wish he would have told me about it before I found out about it. We could have discussed it, and then I would have had a chance to process it without me making possibly a bigger deal out of it than it was (in my mind). I have had dreams almost every night of him doing scenes like this and more and I am sure at his age of 53, my mind has created many scenerios which will never actually be played out. Really in love with him and hoping to be so very understanding of his job. I want to support him. He is working alot of hours and I cannot imagine doing what he is doing–standing for hours–waiting for scenes. I feel quite guilty for all of this. Just would appreciate honesty and the chance to understand what stand-ins do minus the lying about it.

It’s true that we’re thick with geniuses around here, and most of us have a background in television. How’d you catch wind of it? People out there gossiping about us?

So I guess you haven’t seen Love Actually?

Ask to accompany him to set some day. You will see what’s going on.

He’s not “doing scenes”. He’s standing, or sitting, while a whole bunch of people refocus lights, and stretch a tape measure from his nose to the camera lens. Many of them will be within 6 feet of him. If the scene is a sex scene, he may have someone straddle him (fully clothed) while they aim lights at both of them and stretch the tape measure from both of their noses to the camera lens.

Another way of looking at whatever is going on is that it is not even remotely romantic. Having somebody straddle you like she’s doing a lap dance? Sure, that could be interesting. Having her do it for an hour and a half, while lighting technicians use light meters and measuring tape to figure out where to point the cameras? Not so romantic. He probably has more interest in the lady standing next to him at the bus stop at the end of a day on the set.

Anthony Perkins (filmed for the American Film Institute Tribute To Hitchcock in 1979) said that his stand-in (Bert) was the only one present at the notorious shower murder scene in Psycho - he was never there at all.

Thanks to all of you who took time out of your busy schedule to reply…so greatly appreciated.
I left out one of the most important things. Not long before he got this job, we had a discussion and he said if offered a job in a movie role he would be totally alright doing sex scenes. I mentioned stuff…nudity, touching, kissing breasts…etc., and questioned him about it and he said he was alright with all of that. I shoved it aside in my mind thinking it hasn’t happened, may never happen, don’t worry. The thing of it is, me being who I am (insecure more than I would like) could never be ok with that. Guess this stand in stuff, from what you responders have told me, is really pretty mild. I do know that I am not the type of person to ever be ok with the person I am in love with doing sex scenes and while that is completely his right and his choice to do whatever he wants to do in his life…it doesn’t have to be ok with me. One of the things which has made me insecure is his leering, ogling at other women–in late teens/early 20’s…gone on for years and after telling him how much it has hurt me, he cannot help himself, so I eventually got to the point where I have had to force myself to keep my head turned away from him so as not to see him staring at younger, more attractive women in my presence. So the thought of young women straddling him, him doing sexual scenes of course has been a concern of mine. I just contacted a therapist as I realize I have become so very sick over all of this and need help…and I will be leaving him asap. He has this idea that he is a big stud at 53–and young women are so very interested in him with his balding head, baggy eyes and beer belly and skinny saggy ass. (I unfortuanately, fell in love with his “personality” --not looks). Now he will have his freedom to pursue those women. I just won’t be in his life and will find someone who doesn’t have the need to make me feel inferior to younger and more attractive women. Thanks again for all your help.

Be lucky he gets paid to do nothing, and stop worrying.

From the sounds of it, your relationship insecurities are more likely to drive him away then anything that takes place on a movie set. There are probably few places less sexy than a movie/television set. You are surrounded at all times by camera people, technicians, directors, grips, assistants and various kinds of union-required personnel. Under hot lights. Doing repetitive stuff for hours at a time. That’s why they have stand-ins – because the stars can’t be bothered doing the soul-crushingly boring waiting around while stuff gets fiddled with.