I don’t really know how to answer this. I’m straight. I’ve been in a couple of gay bars where I’ve felt somewhat uncomfortable. But I’ve known several gay men and women and I’ve never felt uncomfortable at all in their presence.
So, what does this mean? Perhaps I’m uncomfortable in ‘gay environments’ but not with gay people? OTOH, I’ve been in the homes of gay people, which ought to qualify as ‘gay environments’ and felt no discomfort. Maybe a ‘flaunt’ scale?
Come to think of it, there’ve been some non-gay bars where I’ve also been uncomfortable. This redneck place in West Virginia comes to mind.
Eh, I don’t have a clue how I compare to other straight men in this, though of course I prefer to believe I’m superior in every respect.
A few people in this thread have said this and I’m going to posit that maybe it’s less to do with the gay and more to do with the fact that you’re in an environment specifically designed for people other than you - you feel out of place (and your point about feeling the same in redneck bars I think is more evidence for that).
Add to that fact that in a gay bar the normal laws of human courtship are inverted and I can understand how that might be strange too. Finally I can completely get why a straight man wouldn’t feel all warm and fuzzy inside that another man is either flirting with him or actively pawing at him, as those scenarios aren’t going to end happily for the other person (you’re going to have to let him down at some point, right?).
So I think my point is that feeling totally at ease and enjoying being in an environment where gay men are trying to bed you isn’t actually necessary for you to qualify as comfortable around gay men in general and I don’t think it’s a particularly helpful yardstick.
People should stay in the closet. Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, straights, religious fundos.
In fact if it ain’t strictly relevant to the issue at hand, don’t mention it, I don’t need to know. Don’t need to know that you are gay or married or have 10 children, watch Rugby Union or alll the the above.
Oddly, I’m often quite comfortable in a gay bar. It could be entirely my psychology but it seems like in a gay bar no one is thinking I might be “gay but a bit clueless or not out to myself yet” or that even if I am, there’s better things to do in a gay bar than try to elicit a response from someone who’s being unresponsive. I don’t think I’ve ever been overtly hit on in a gay bar, neither/nor had some leering / eyebrow-waggling drooling person attach himself to me in one. Meanwhile oddly enough gay bars are good places to meet straight women! They go into gay bars and they turn off that “move on, don’t even think about it buddy” vibe, they stop treating all males as obnoxious sexual carnivores, and as a consequence are better company.
I voted “No, and I think my reaction is not typical of straight men.”
I think my upbringing was a bit atypical. I’m old enough so that society was not nearly as accepting of gay men as it is today (at least where I live). But I had older gay relatives, and gay teachers, and in my environment, that made it possible for young men to be openly gay (at least among friends), so I never acquired that sense of “otherness” that some straight men have about gay men.
I would say my level of comfort depends on the context. I’ve had teachers and acquaintances who were gay or very likely gay and I was comfortable around them.
But in some contexts, I’m not sure I would be comfortable, especially with other people present.
If a gay man hit on me, I think I would be anxious to find a way to communicate that I’m not interested in a way that’s 100% clear, polite yet not socially clueless.
I don’t know how flirting works in gay bars, but I’d be nervous about it being touchy feely from the get-go. That mightn’t leave enough time to signal that it’s unwelcome. I don’t think I would take groping well.
Having spent an unusual (for a straight guy) amount of time in gay bars (with gay friends), I can tell you that it doesn’t work that way, unless you go to a bar that’s a real back-room joint. While plenty of gay bars are pickup places, they work pretty much the same way as straight pickup places. Eye contact, conversation, flirting, and so on. And there are plenty of gay bars that are just hangouts. Generally, they’re not that different from straight places, except that there are no women there.
Now, if you’re in a bar like the long-gone Mineshaft (in New York), it’s a whole different situation, but that was a pretty specialized place, and it’s pretty unlikely that a straight guy would find himself in there just having a beer with a gay friend or two.