In the Illuminatus! Trilogy, Hagbard says: “I’ve tried it, of course, but women interest me more.”
I feel the same as Hagbard. Except in my case it was rather coerced than voluntary. (Warning to TMI-phobes: exit this thread now.)
When I was 13 years old, in 8th grade, there was an older boy in my class and also in the Boy Scouts. Once he was over at my house and said “Let’s play Ultraman.” (Ultraman was a cheezy Japanese monster series that was aired on American television in those days.) He said “You be Ultraman, and I’ll be the Homo Monster!” Catching me off guard, he threw me on the bed, then threw himself on top of me and began humping me. I was horrified and disgusted at someone invasively using my body like that and tried to throw him away from me but he was heavier and he got several humps in before I could get away. (However, this same boy had a 15 or 16-year-old “girlfriend”; he pulled her pink panties out of a drawer and showed me. Then he took me to her house and she kissed me. My first kiss!)
On campouts when we shared a tent he told me “We’re starting a club. It’s called the ‘Dick Club’. You wanna join?” Then he would whip it out and make me jerk and blow him. I didn’t like the taste–salty and yucky–and I quit as soon as I could. Another boy two years older and much bigger than me joined us for these sessions and tried to make me blow him too. On another campout he took a flashlight one night and said, “Let’s go look for firewood.” Once he had me alone in a clearing in the woods he said “Wanna blow me?” I was scared and said no and got out of there. Years later in high school I was dating this girl and she told me she liked so-and-so. I said “He’s a homosexual,” and related the incident in the woods. Was she pissed off at me for telling that!
I had a very sheltered Catholic upbringing and at the tender age of 13 or 14, I was so innocent I didn’t even know what homosexuality was. I thought it was only a joke for boys to get huggy-kissy with each other they way they do with girls. It seemed such an absurd idea, it could only be a joke. I never imagined anyone could seriously do it for real. I never drew any connection between that and playing with dicks in the Boy Scout tents.
When I was in college (when I had long hair and my beard temporarily shaved) an older man saw me and invited me to come and live in his house for $20 rent. I wanted to quit the dormitory, so I moved in and only belatedly realized he was gay with another young man from an impoverished background whom he kept there. He didn’t make any moves on me. But when I started bringing girls I was dating over to the house he kicked me out.
You know how some gays say they had their first taste of it when they were young and another gay initiated them into it, and that’s when they “first realized” they were gay? Well, my experience had the opposite effect on me. It made me realize I didn’t want it at all. Having my private person invaded gave me a very bad feeling. I never wanted any more visits from the Homo Monster. (But it must have made me a gentler, more sensitive & considerate lover with women, knowing how they must feel when a guy tries to coerce sex on them.)
Jomo, bud, words cannot express the anger I feel towards the fuckwads that did that to you. That wasn’t sex, that was rape.
Gay men and women don’t “realize” they’re gay because someone else made them perform sex and they figure they kinda enjoyed it. Your sexual orientation comes from inside - one day the hormones kick in and your brain goes, “By God, there’s sex happening in this world and I want a big part of it!” Who you’re attracted to gets figured out in the process.
Having said that - hell yes, I’ve played on both teams. But in almost every case (save one which was somewhat similar to yours) it’s been of my own volition with men I’ve been attracted to. OK, maybe drunk enough not to mind.
I’ve never told anyone (anyone) about this before, but something similar happened to me. Only it wasn’t nearly as dramatic as what happened to Jomo Mojo.
I was kinda young (12-ish) and was spending the night at a friend’s house. We were sleeping in the same bed, like we usually did because he didn’t have a guest bed. Well, we used to stay awake for a long time at night and just talk, but one night he just reached over and started groping me. I hadn’t the slightest idea how to respond to this. After a while I told him to stop. He did, for a few minutes, then did it again. I told him again to stop, but he didn’t. This happened on more than one occassion. When I tried to stop him he overpowered me and kept doing it. Usually he would grab my hand and make me jerk him off, and once or twice he pushed my head down and made me blow him.
BlackKnight, you were intimidated by him, and it probably felt good. Otherwise you would not have let it happen more than once. Don’t feel bad about it, many victims of familial sexual abuse are conflicted by the same thing.
Jomo that is AWFUL!!! What you should’ve done is bit down as hard as you could on his… well I think you get the idea!! He deserved that and much much worse
I just knew this thread was going down. You people are to shy, there’s no need to be embarassed ( easy to say when you’ve got no experience to relate. ).
Jomo I feel very much for you.
Now I’ll post this and give this thread a little bump.
Nope, no homosexual activity of any kind, either coerced or consensual. I’ve had lots of gay friends, and I’ve never been even remotely attracted to any of them, nor have they ever put any moves on me.
Which, if you believe in statistics, makes me kind of a weirdo in this modern age…
Those are, indeed, horrible incidents - my condolences.
For the record, no one “initiated” me into being gay - I figured it out before I had sex of any kind, and it wasn’t until my third boyfriend when I finally did have sex. Never had sex with a woman, though, although I did have a short-lived girlfriend in high school. Boys are better.
Once, during my first and only threesome, the other guy grabbed my butt. He said it was an accident, though there were rumors he was bi. That’s the closest I have come to a homosexual experience.
There have been innumerable times when, having been shunned by women, that I wasn’t sure whether I was gay or not. I was scared of the girls and awed by the guys. To this day I still get the urge to give a guy a kiss every once in a while. However, I really love women in general (it comes from being raised without a father and with two sisters), and I can take sex or leave it, doesn’t matter to me.
But I’m not gay, not that that makes any difference. I’m just confused.
You guys have to decide for yourselves whether you are or not. It’s your business. If you like someone of the same sex, by all means go for it. I won’t think any less of you, and most people won’t either. Hell, I think it took a remarkable amount of guts just to tell that story, even anonymously.
Whatever you do, everyone, you can be certain that I got your back, and if you’re ever near Harrisburg, PA, swing by and I’ll buy you a beer.
I am curious why we feel the need to call ourselves gay or straight. Why does the gender of a sex partner determine our identity? Can’t you simply enjoy sex with women and the occasional night with a guy without having to define oneself as gay or bi? Just asking.
Goboy (who likes sex only with men but doesn’t really feel gay)
