No. Mine is easier to spell.
Question for the men: Would you consider taking your wife's last name and naming the kids after her?
I wouldn’t say that in cultures where women keep their names “it’s no big deal” that we do so… what is a big deal and perceived as ridiculous is the notion that a woman stops being part of her family because she added a husband to it.
I think more people should take on entirely different surnames when they marry.
Oo! Maybe combine them. John Smith and Mary Jones marry to become the Smoneses, or maybe the Jiths.
Names aren’t exactly required to be passed down from either parent.
When I got married, I took his last name, which wasa very common last name (and still use it to this day). Of course, my maiden name was Pitts, so just about anything would have been better than that. (Imagine growing up with a last name of Pitts…yes, everything you can think of was chanted in middle school.) I like this last name and think it goes well with my first name, so when I divorced, I decided to keep it. Both Hallgirls have my married name (the same last name of their father), and even though I was long divorced by the time I had Hallboy (out of wedlock, yes, and to another man, yes–I know, I broke all kinds of social rules!), even though Hallboy’s father’s last name was not my married name, Hallboy has my married last name, which I figured was now my own. (Knowning my ex’s family history, I’ve done more positive for this last name than his family ever could.) When my ex discovered that Hallboy had my current last name, he got snippy, at which point, I informed him that I could give Hallboy ANY last name I elected, and as long as I didn’t name him (my ex) as the father (which I wouldn’t have done), then it was none of his business what last name Hallboy had.
IANAL, but as far as I know, parents can give a child ANY last name, as long as there is no fraud involved–even if that last name is not one of the parent’s last name. Not sure why they’d want to do that, but they can if they wish.
If I ever was to remarry (ie. if I was ever to lose my mind and do something that insane), I’d consider taking his last name, depending on what it was. If it was equivilent to Pitts, or rhymed with my first name, not so much. As far as him taking my last name, really, he would be a grown man, so I’m thinking my hypothetical hubby could figure it out and do whatever he wanted to do.
I had NO IDEA that “most of” civilization is pretty much an Anglophone Europe/US phenomena.
In Belgium and the Netherlands, women are legally required to use their maiden name in official documents, and France has a similar tradition. Italians don’t do the name change thing. Spaniards use a two-surname system. Iceland, the barbarians, have a patronymic system that doesn’t even really involve last names in the sense that we think of them. In Poland, names that are adjectives are used in the feminine version for the woman and the masculine version for the man, and Russian speaking countries generally use a feminine version of the husband’s last name.
China, which last I checked was civilized back when Europeans were banging rocks together, doesn’t change women’s last names with marriage. India has a patchwork mosaic of naming traditions. Persia doesn’t change last names. Koreans don’t change surnames. Japan often does, but has exceptions. Arabic speaking countries generally don’t change last names. Malaysia doesn’t.
Your beloved 'tradition" is actually limited to an extremely narrow chunk of the world. and plenty of people think it’s bizarre and non-intuitive. Cute story: I had some friends who arrived in the remote village in Cameroon that was to serve as Peace Corps volunteers. The volunteers, a married couple, spent their first few days opening bank accounts, registering with the local police, signing leases and doing the things that people do when moving to a new place. After a few days, they started noticing they were getting the stink eye from…well, everyone. What was going on? Eventually, they learned that in their area, married couples never had the same last name and you would be absolutely forbidden to marry someone sharing your name. The village, upon seeing them fill out forms under one name, concluded that they must be a brother and sister pair who was living as a married couple. This grossed everyone out. It actually took the couple a while to clear their name enough that they could work productively.
People should do what they want without getting all defensive about their choices or judgmental about other people’s choices.
In my family, in some couples the wife took the husband’s name. In others she didn’t. It’s OK either way. Whatever they want.
Absolutely.
However, if my hypothetical wife wanted to change her name to mine, I’d still refuse to marry her. It’s my name, and she can’t have it.
I didn’t take my husband’s name, and our upcoming baby will have mine. He didn’t change his because he established himself professionally by his original name, but we are close to my family and have pretty much no contact with his, so he is fine with our kids having my name.
I do like the idea of sons having the father’s name and daughters having the mother’s, though. I know a family who did that and they are all happy with it.
This only shows your ridiculous attempt to bash Republicans and religion in every thread possible sort of like Cato saying “Carthago delandea est” at the end of every speech-the OP did not even mention religion.
Taking your wife’s last name would most likely involve taking your wife’s father’s last name.
All I read was: “I’m all for equality, just not if it means women being equal to men”.
But I’m not actually allowed to comment on this thread because of my vagina, so I’ll just get out of here.
Kitchen, sandwich. NOW!
True, I hadn’t looked at it that way before. I always thought that once you commit to each other (wedding or not) you create a new family, an extension of your two families. No one stops being part of anything.
My friends from the UK and USA ask why we don’t get married so that we and the children ‘can all have the same name’ as if having a name makes a family. I love explaining that here it would make no difference as after an Italian wedding everyone keeps their own name.
But, I’m right.
It’s mostly religion to blame for the culturally imposed subordinate role of women, including giving up their name in marriage.
My atheist sister took her husband’s name when she got married.
My wife and I kept our own last names. We flipped a coin at the hospital when filling out the paperwork to determine which of our names our daughter carried.
OP, I’m suspicious of you based on this thread posting. =P
I don’t see a compelling reason to take my wife’s name if/when I get married. For that matter, I don’t see any reason that she should feel like she has to change her name either. Certainly, it’s got to be a pain in the ass to adjust the appropriate documentation and while I wouldn’t mind following tradition, I don’t care. So she can take mine, she can hyphenate, or she can keep hers, I just don’t care enough that her preference wouldn’t override mine.
As for kids, I think hyphenated names is just silly because it needless complicates the issue. As such, I think it makes sense to either give the kids only one last name and, since there’s no compelling reason to choose one over the other other than tradition, I think it probably only makes sense to give the kid the father’s name by default. If it matters to her, I’d have no problem with giving any kids a second middle name that is her maiden name, but I would object to hyphenating the kids’ names.
Now, I could imagine an exception if she had a famous or important name or was in fact famous herself. I still don’t see a point in taking her name; but I could see that it might be something we’d want to be a bit more important in our kids’ futures. Of course, that’s extremely unlikely, so it’s not even really worth consideration.
Thankfully, my husband is masculine enough that the ‘threat’ of taking my name and having the kids share my last name didn’t concern him. He did keep his name because he didn’t want to be confused with my brother, and it is a pain to change the name through the military.
Having a man insist that I take his name would’ve been a deal breaker to me. I’ve published under my name and I’m extremely connected to my dad’s side of the family.
Other people have pointed this out in the thread, but this is the best so far. I feel the same way: I don’t really like the sound of my last name and if I had the opportunity to change to a better one, I’d take it.
Then again if I were to marry someone who insisted on taking my (somewhat less than mediocre) surname, I’d see if it sounded good with the rest of their name. It’s a name that improves sound-wise when you add to it. If it still sounded horrible I’'d try to convince her not to.
Wouldn’t take my wife’s name, nosirree. Rather proud of my family, and can’t imagine a reason why I would break that association. There’s no tradition of such to justify it; it would be an arbitrary action and I can’t think of a real justification. I can’t imagine being in love with a woman who would insist on such. Doesn’t add up.
My wife took my name, but not at my request. I’d have loved her the same no matter what was on her driver’s license.
That said, if my surname was Hitler, then.