The background: I hate my last name. Suffice it to say that it’s a German name which contains a common slang word for sexual intercourse. So I look forward to the day I can change it, and since I’m lazy (and my dad said he’d disown me if I changed it for no good reason) I’m waiting for marriage to change it (chick, btw).
But the thought occurred to me when I started dating, what if I don’t like my future husband’s last name? What if it’s Aslicker or something equally awful like Hornschlonger?
Well, I says to myself, I won’t take it. We’ll have to pick a different name and both change our names to that. When I expressed this to some male friends in conversation one day, they freaked out a little. The comments were along the lines of “That’s been his name his whole life, why should he have to change it if you don’t like it” and things like that.
So my response it, why should I have to change my name? What if I really liked it? Why can’t I keep my own identity instead of taking on my husband’s (don’t get me started about Mrs. John Smith)?*
The question, finally: How wrong is it for me to ask my (future) fiance to change his name to one we both agree upon? Why should I get stuck with yet another crappy, embarassing, hard to spell/pronounce last name? If a name is so important to a man, why shouldn’t it be for a woman? Why should I just accept his name regardless of my feelings about it?**
- I’m a big fan of tradition generally speaking, being a history major and all, except when it comes to certain things. Namely, my desire to be seen as my own person instead of someone else’s wife (I recently stopped talking to a friend who, in the course of an argument with my BF, referred to me as “your stupid girlfriend.” I’m not really pissed he called me stupid, rather that he reduced me to nothing more than someone’s girlfriend.
** I know in the past I’ve hesitated to call myself a feminist, but shit, I am a feminist. And a hippy to boot. :smack: