I read an article over the weekend that talked about the fact that while women have an expectation for equal roles in the workplace and in a relationship, they are still reverting to tradition when it comes to weddings and marriage - where the groom asks the father’s permission before proposing, the bride is given away in a virginal white frock and takes the husband’s last name.
I’ve noted this myself - I can only think of 1 recent marriage where the woman chose to keep her own name. Female dopers, did you/would you keep your own name? If not, why not?
And just so the guys don’t feel left out, do you have an expectation that your wife should take your name?
I did not take my husband’s name simply because my name is “better”. It’s simple, no one mispronounces it or misspells it and it sounds better. Nothing to do with family loyalty.
I’m due in September, and we haven’t yet determined what last name (or first name for that matter) the baby will have. We are considering giving the child my last name if it’s a girl, and his if it’s a boy. I did let my husband know I’d be happy to have us all have the same last name - he is welcome to change his. So far, he’s not going for it.
I was on the fence with this issue for awhile. It was over a year after our wedding that I finally changed my name to his. No rhyme or reason for my wanting to keep my name, other than it’s been my name, well, all my life. I’d grown attached to it. And outside of Louisiana, it’s not a very common name.
On the other hand, being hispanic, and growing up not having a hispanic last name was always a little weird to me. Since my husband has a hispanic last name, it seemed fitting that I take it. In order to hang on to my father’s last name, I added my maiden last name to my middle name. I never really use it, but at least I know that technically, it’s still with me.
It mostly has to do with the fact that I don’t like my last name, never have. It’s not a bad name, but it gets fucked up constantly. I also don’t think it flows very well with my first name (which also gets fucked up…since when was Taylor hard to pronounce?)
Stupid people have made me hate my perfectly decent, easy-to-say name.
I long to fall in love with a man who’s last name is something simple like Smith, Jones, or Thompson…sigh
I took my husband’s name and although it’s not the end of the world, I regret it somewhat.
I never cared for his surname and I always liked mine. It’s too late now.
I am glad that I kept my name in the middle; I never had a middle name before I married.
I have been teaching preschool for many years and thought it was absolutely ridiculous how these little kids were (and continue to be) saddled with multiple hyphenated last names. It just seems pretentious and silly.
I wanted to keep things simple when we had children, and it worked out fine for our kids.
I have a last name with obvious ethnicity to it. An ethnicity which I am only a small fraction, and look absolutely nothing like. It causes problems, and I’ve never felt any affinity to my last name.
My wife, looks even LESS like what a person with my last name should look like.
Besides, who the hell am I to tell her to changer her name? I don’t own her.
Now, the problem of what our kids will be called is going to arise…
I’ve taken my husband’s name - kind of. We got married six months ago, and I still have yet to legally change it. I do go by my married name at work and socially, it’s just a matter of legally changing it.
I haven’t taken it to prove anything, I’ve taken it because my maiden name is an unpronounceable, strong German name, and my married name is an unpronounceable, strong German name. I’m going from half a dozen of one to six of the other. There’s no worry with my maiden name being passed down (especially now that my brother’s wife is pregnant), so that wasn’t a problem. We figured it would be easier when we have kids, too.
I actually did consider keeping my name for awhile. I guess after 30 years, I was kind of used to it. It’s the one thing my DH actually did ask me to do - and since he usually doesn’t have a strong opinion about most things, I figured it was something I could do for him.
Actually, it is never too late. My first marriage the freaking Navy took it upon itself to change my name, I knew this because the new social [in]security card arrived with hubby’s last name on it. Second way I knew was going to badge in at McGuire NPS, with Duke Power System in Asheville NC, the NRC put a hold on me because names didnt match up…so I had to schlep back and forth trying to get stuff changed all over the place. Believe me, getting names on security clearances with the military changed and being told ‘Well, the ‘Navy’ said to change your name’… and me telling them to screw the Navy, I DIDNT change my name did not make for a fun time.
All my ID, clearances and goodies are firmly in MY name, and are staying that way. Only thing I have done is get the telephone and other utilities in mymiddlename, hubbylastname. I checked - that doesn’t count…you can call yourself anything you actually want without going to court and having a legal name change [which I had to do to get everything back to where I wanted it.] as long as you are not trying to evade legal action=) All I am trying to do is filter out telemarketers and an ex-fiance/stalker=)
I have been married twice and never considered taking my husband’s last name. I cannot imagine being anyone but Bug Norton. When we are out socially with his friends or work associates we both use his last name and when we are with my friends or professional associates we both use my last name, but I have never actually changed my name or been refered to as anything but Bug Norton. We do not consider ourselves terribly liberal or anything like that, it was just never considered that after 36 years of being Bug Norton that I would suddenly start identifying with any other name (and after eleven years I doubt that I will). Occasionally, I will receive a phone call asking for Mrs. (either his or my last name) and I have to think for a minute because I’ve never answered as Mrs. anything.
I have always wondered how other women deal with suddenly identifying as another name, but I have never had a chance to really find out because every time I have tried to talk with anyone about it, the women who have taken their husband’s names have instantly bristled and become rather defensive, so (at the risk of hijacking the op) I’d like to ask how you do adjust to suddenly having another name.
BTW, both Mr. Bugnortons had very ordinary, easy to say, spell and pronounce last names. The current (and definitely last) Mr. Bugnorton has a Smith/Jones type of name.
I must admit, having a different last name than hubby has had that unexpected benefit of letting me know when a telemarketer is calling. Mrs. Hislastname doesn’t exist.
I’ve discussed this elsewhere on the boards, so you can do a search if you want more detail. Basically, we agreed that I would keep my name. I just didn’t feel compelled to change it. Several of my friends have done the same.
Mr. Armadillo and I are getting married in a couple months, and I do plan to change my name–partly because it just feels “right” to have the same last name, kind of a solidarity thing, and partly because I’m not overly fond of my own last name. It’s rare–I’m one of about ten, total, in North America, so that makes me want to hang on to it–but it’s just not terribly melodic, and I like the way his last name sounds with my first name.
I didn’t take my husband’s last name. I like my last name. I told him if we had to share his name, he should take mine. He didn’t go for it. So we have separate names.
I did not change my name when I got married. I was working on a PhD at the time, and I really kind of wanted the piece of paper to have my name on it instead of his. I never actually finished the PhD, but by that point, we were used to living with two different names, and it seemed like such a bother to change it. (The Episcopal priest who married us insisted that I keep the marriage certificate in a safe place just in case I ever change my mind.)
We’ve been married almost 18 years now, and have had very few problems having different names. Both our kids have his name as their last name (I KNOW they’re mine), but we included my last name as their second middle name, in case either of them chooses to use it at some point in the future.
I’m not militant about it at all, and both of us are used to being addressed by Mr or Mrs The-Other-Last-Name, especially at our kids’ schools. Some of the teachers who work with my son and who have known me literally for years keep forgetting that I don’t have the same last name as my son, even. (My husband goes by his middle name, so whenever we get calls for Mr. His-First-Name My-Last-Name, we KNOW they don’t have a clue who he is!)
The funny thing is, when I got married and chose not to change my name, the only person in either family who raised any kind of fuss about it was my paternal grandfather, who wasn’t pacified in the least when I tried to remind him that it was HIS name I was keeping…
I took my former husband’s name, kept it after the divorce too.
I didn’t see any reason not to change mine, it’s not like I had an established career or degrees in my maiden name, and it’s certainly easier with kids when everyone has the same name.
I didn’t change back after the divorce because I wasn’t marrying my Dad. Growing up I always sorta assumed I’d change my name when I married and came to the conclusion early on that surnames are pretty meaningless to me. I’m certainly no less my mother’s maiden name than I am my father’s last name, right? So the whole process just doesn’t mean much to me.
a) My parents despite not being traditional in most ways still get hung up on things like wearing low-cut shirts to temple, or not changing your last name
b) The chances are high I’ll marry within my culture so it would likely piss of at least my future in-laws if I didn’t, not to mention the likelihood that the future Mr. wouldn’t like it (although I doubt it would be that upsetting but most of the guys I know seem to prefer the idea)
c) I don’t care that much and I’m not keen on irritating 2 sets of parents/countless relatives when I feel like it’s such a small thing
d) I have my father’s first name as a middle name and his last name and my name is clearly stamped with patriarchal-patrilineal culture so it doesn’t really feel like much of a feminist stand
e) In a vaguely romantic sort of way I like the idea of my own future family all having the same names
I didn’t for a while. People started calling me Mrs. Hisname anyway, so I guess I got used to it that way–I didn’t really bother to correct them unless it was for a paycheck or something. Officially, I use them both and just always sign three names, using my maiden name in the middle. On a casual basis, I’ve changed over the years to being Mrs. Hisname. I didn’t actually get around to really changing it properly for several years.
I just didn’t care that much, so it didn’t bother me much when people assumed I’d changed it, and after a while I figured I might as well.