My two cents: don’t get a diamond. The “tradition” of diamond engagement rings was invented by the diamond cartel. It is a 20th-century invention. (British royalty do not use diamond engagement rings, for example.) Even without the issue of “blood diamonds” (which are fueling the war in Liberia, for example), the diamond cartel is not a business we all need to support. If some guy offered me a diamond engagement ring, that would be proof to me he was not the one to marry!
That seems strange to me, because unless you are a trained expert and you have the necessary equipment, you can’t tell a real diamond from a fake, much less judge the quality of the diamond.
Well, I, for one, do think there is some truth in what Wawa said re the “ROCK”. I know we all like to be altruistic in our mind, but I wanted my future wife to be proud of what she wore. For me, and only me, I wouldn’t have given my wife anything but a diamond engagement ring, because I’m a huge traditionalist. I’m a guy who asked the parents, shopped for two months on my own, and found a ring and stone that knocked her socks off. It was my one chance, and I didn’t want to blow it. The ring was worth a little more than one months’ take home pay, and that seemed about right to me. To find out what she liked we talked about other womens’ rings. She came out and said point blank that any engagement ring she ever got had better be a marquis cut, and that helped.
Good luck to you… by the way, what’s your timetable? When should I check this thread again to see what happened???
That seems strange to me, because unless you are a trained expert and you have the necessary equipment, you can’t tell a real diamond from a fake, much less judge the quality of the diamond.
True, but when you buy a diamond ring you get a little card that has all sorts of information on it: including the grade. 
Have you not heard of Canadian diamonds? They are ‘clean’. And DeBeers doesn’t own all of the operations up there.
Maybe some people do this, but many do not. Maybe it depends what circles you move in?
Even back in the day when I was in a sorority, the place where you would most expect that kind of attitude. I never heard any negative comments or insinuations about the size of an engagement ring. Maybe because my sorority sisters weren’t jerks.
An example: Two girls got engaged at approximately the same time. One girl’s ring was tasteful, but huge. The other girl’s ring was a “classic” diamond engagement ring with a truly miniscule diamond. I never heard the barest suggestion that the one girl’s ring or finace was “better” than the other. In fact, people seemed to like the little ring better. The girl with the big ring’s fiance was already out of school and earning a big salary. The small ring girl’s fiance was still in school. But he wanted to marry her more than he wanted to show off with a big ring. We all found that much more impressive than a big hunk of carbon.
Any fool with a couple of bucks can buy a big diamond ring, so why would a big diamond necessarily be impressive?
Many (most?) of my friends have foregone the whole engagement ring thing anyway.
My husband and I chose matching engagement rings. They were silver “Russian Rolling Rings” and cost 8 bucks apiece. I never really cared about engagement rings. But my husband wanted one, and he really wanted to have matching ones! As far as he was concerned, it wasn’t fair that women should have the fun of wearing a symbol of the committment. So he wanted in. It was pretty hard to find matching non-wedding-band mens’ and womens’ rings. We eventually came across the silver rings, and we were both thrilled with them. Nobody said anything negative, and if they were thinking it…well, I didn’t know about it.
My best friend’s husband proposed with a ring she already owned. It had great sentimental value already, and she enjoyed wearing it with its additional “meaning.” They considered getting an engagement ring, but decided not to bother. She doesnt’ like to wear rings with stones anyway. They got a custom-made wedding ring for her which is absolutely gorgeous.
Another friend got an antique ring set with a citrine. They love antiques and fine workmanship, and she loves her unique ring far more than she’d ever love an ordinary ring. Besides, this is hard to explain, but the citrine is just her color. If you were to summarize a whole person into a color, her color would be exactly the color of that stone.
Perhaps one of the reasons that these two women are such good friends is that we share such similar values. None of us much care for traditional status symbols. We’d rather spend what little money we have on things like our homes and travel.
This is true of most of my friends. I can only think of a couple of married friend that wears a traditional diamond engagement rings. Some of them do have them, but they find that the inconvenience of wearing it far outweighs the prospect of impressing people.
But if you’re going to go the traditional route, I do like the idea of proposing with a toy ring. One friend, a dentist, proposed with one of those rings that dental hygienists wear that holds the toothpaste! Then they chose a diamond ring together. Another friend, who knew exactly what his girlfiend’s taste was went out and got a ring that was exactly opposite of what she would like. (He arranged this with the jeweler so he could return it.) She loved the fact that he demonstrated, in a bass-ackwards way, that he cared so much about her that he knew exactly what she didn’t like. They returned the ugly ring and picked out a beautiful one.
It was a huge CZ that actually brought me back to this thread. I was at a festival yesterday, and we saw a little kid with the most amazing mullet on a pony ride. There was a woman standing there who was clearly looking for attention. She had huge super-bleached hair, tight clothes, etc. And on her hand was the biggest cubic zirconium I’ve ever seen. How did I know it was a CZ and not a diamond? Trust me, it was totally obvious. The color was 100% CZ. Wal-Mart quality CZ. And sure enough, when the mullet kid got off the pony ride, he went running straight to the CZ mommy.
I think CZs can look okay in small sizes. But as you go larger, it becomes more and more obvious that it’s a fake.
I see Ginger’s post snuck in…
I think the Canadian diamond thing is fabulous! If I ever wanted to get a diamond, I’d go Canadian. But I also like the idea of not buying a diamond at all, so that there will be more Canadian diamonds available for the people who really must have a diamond.
I don’t like bigass diamonds, personally. Even if they’re real, they’re still tacky IMHO.
Maybe I’ve just seen really poor quality bigass diamonds, though.
Your best clue is to look at her other jewelry. Does she wear big, chunky stuff, or smaller, more dainty things? Does she wear more gold or silver? Does she have a lot of diamond stuff, or is it mostly colored stones, or does she tend to pick pieces with no stone at all? Be especially observant of the stuff she wears most often, as these are probably her favorites. Take your cue from there.
Also, consider her lifestyle. If she’s got a job or hobbies that involve a lot of work with her hands, she’ll probably prefer something fairly flat. (Less risk of getting it caught on something, damaging ring or hand.) My parents went round and round and round with a jeweler on this issue when buying me a ring a few years ago. They wanted to get me something I could actually wear, not something that would have to sit in a jewelry box till special occasions, but the jeweler kept insisting that no, I’d prefer something much bigger, gaudier, and less practical.
Never listen to the jeweler, by the way.
It took me months of looking before I found a ring I could wear and love for the rest of my life. A filigree band in yellow gold, set with a small, flat, trillion cut tanzanite and two tiny accent diamonds. I adore that ring. My best friend looked at it and said, “Yep, that’s a Tam ring, all right.”
We spent about $45 getting it on Ebay.
That wouldn’t work for everyone, but it worked for me. Spending a coulple grand on a diamond (or even having a free diamond) wouldn’t have worked for me, nor would something large and flashy. And DrJ had enough sense not to even bother looking at stuff that he knew wouldn’t work for me, regardless of tradition. That’s the secret: finding what works for the two of you, individually and as a couple. (This is also the secret of wedding planning, in case you’re interested. Oh, and it’s also the secret of a happy marriage.)
You should already have a decent idea of what will and won’t work for her; if not, you might want to hold off on the marriage thing till you know each other better. I’ll warn you, though, sometimes women throw out all their normal tastes and preferences and go totally ga-ga on all subjects related to weddings and engagement.
A lot of guys want to have the ring first because it seems so much more romantic. While I agree with that point, I’d say most women prefer to be part of the process of purchasing the ring. Everyone has their tastes and the advice given here about buying the ring later and finding another romantic way to propose is excellent!
The reason for this is that if you give her something she doesn’t like, if she is honest and tells you, you will feel just awful and so will she for telling you and the romance will be broken and you’ll still be getting her a different ring (sooner or later). If she doesn’t tell you and holds it in, she will be upset each time she looks at her ring. You definitely don’t want that!
There are exceptions to every rule, but that would be the risk you are taking. Just adding this to what others have said in order to reassure you. You are doing the right thing.
As for the actual purchase, it used to be harder to buy affordable alternatives to diamond, but these days there are lots of stunning pieces of Jewelry with simulants or even other gemstones. You have many many choices and I’m sure she will be more than happy to help in finding what’s right for both of you.
Congratulations and best of luck to you and your soon to be fiancee!
Again, I want to thank you all for your advice and good wishes. Not sure if it makes sense, but I feel better knowing there’s a TON I don’t know about all this.
She is the kind of person that would love and treasure anything I pick out. If I gave her a Cracker-Jack ring until we bought a real one, she would keep the toy ring forever. Buying the ring together has ups and downs - it seems easier that way, but I might feel that I am letting myself off easy.
I suppose I need to really figure that out. Marrying her is more important than a piece of jewlery to me - perhaps she should be able to pick out something she’ll love as well as what it means.
Now - as for a timetable, I am hoping to ask her by October. I’ll start a thread afterwards with all the good things included.
Mooch
I notice big rocks too, but that’s doesn’t necessarily mean that I like them.
Had any of my friends judged either me or my fiance on the size of the diamond he bought, I assure you they would no longer be my friends. I insisted on a stone no larger than .5 carat. Anything bigger than that would have been ridiculous and completely not my style. Yes, some women like big rocks, but far from all. I happen to think that huge diamonds are gaudy.
My point is that Mooch shouldn’t buy his girlfriend some enormous rock just because that’s what some other women like. It should really be HER taste and style that should guide his selection.
Now - as for a timetable, I am hoping to ask her by October. I’ll start a thread afterwards with all the good things included.
Let’s start a thread entitled “Help Mooch Come Up With a Creative Way to Pop the Question!”
Seriously. Come up with something creative and surprising!
All this “diamond engagement ring” crap is propaganda by DeBeers- before them, sapphires were as popular.
Here is what I’d do - unless you have a heirloom ring to pass on (like I did). Go to the swapmeet/flea market/art & wine festival. There will be someone selling cheap silver rings. tell her, these look nice, and offer to buy her one as a gift or keepsake of the day- I am talking about a ring under $20, here. Start looking at them, picking out ones you like- she’ll either go for the box with her ring size, or just ask, so you can help her pick one out.
Now that you know her size- go get a “promise ring”- without her. Real gold (or gold filled- but NOT plated), with a teeny diamond. Maybe $50? Under $100 fersure.
Pop the question, give her the promise ring, and say the two of you will go shopping for rings together. After she says “yes”, then later mention a price range before she gets all excited and starts picking our rocks suitible for Liz Taylor.
We have a surprise, we have romantic, we have the right size, and we will have a ring that she really wants. Oh, and do mention that you are OK with it if she picks something other than diamonds.
Don’t laugh but I was looking at Costco & I was really surprised at their jewelry prices. A 5mm gold wedding ring: $68.00
costco.com rings are pretty high, but check in store
My boyfriend took a little pouch of rings I had in a box in my room to find my size. He took it to about a zillion jewelry stores in my city and tried to find a ring he thought I would like. I never wanted a diamond and I didn’t want a traditional setting. Basically, I didn’t want what everyone else had. So, what he came up with is a tanzanite with two diamonds set in platinum. It’s so gorgeous! It’s sort of traditional and non-traditional. He did a great job. 
As for cost, I have no idea how much he spent.
I second the idea of an antique show, but for a different reason.
We saw some fabulous jewelry at great prices last month. I would suggest to go late in the day on the last day - you’re much more likely to get a bargain and be able to haggle. (One guy was selling off all of his jewlery because his partner who had passed away was the one who did all that stuff. He knocked down a ring by 50% without even being asked!!)
Would you feel too creepy going to a pawn shop? My former boss bought her diamonds loose at a pawn shop (they had certificates) and had them set by her usual jeweler. Just more suggestions!
We have scrap dealers that have rings, too… also ebay.com has lots.
I think you want to buy from a store where you can take it back if it doesn’t fit & get it sized to fit, most women are a 6 aren’t they?
Some practical advice: a wedding ring is usually worn all the time. It will be subjected to being knocked around. Some stones are not practical because they just aren’t hard enough to take it. That’s one reason why diamonds are actually pretty practical. If a person doesn’t like diamonds, then any color of the mineral corundum (ruby is the red variety, sapphire is the blue or any other color) is a good alternative. Emerald is not so good, as it can be a bit fragile. A protective setting is a good idea if the person wants a stone that’s any lower than 8 or 9 on the Mohs hardness scale (diamond is 10, corundum is 9, topaz is 8).
And, by the way, diamonds also come in almost every color in the rainbow. But they cost more if they’re good quality.
I went shopping with the girlfriend (back when she was the girlfriend) just while we were at the mall, walking past a jewelery store…etc. There was never any intention to buy at the time, but she really liked it (it is pretty romantic) and I got a great feel for the kid of ring she wanted. We knew the marriage would happen “one day” so it wsn’t such a crazy thing to do.
I bought the ring from Costco. In store.
Costco has a guarantee that if you have the ring independently appraised and it’s valued at less than twice what you paid for it, they’ll take it back.
I spent about 2 grand on the ring - about 1 carat total - 1 large stone in the middle & 2 smaller ones, all princess cut. Simple white gold setting. It looks great - not flashy, but it is a dazzler when you look at it in the light.
I liked the princess cut because it’s so flat it looks bigger than other cuts of the same size. Maybe I’m the shallow one, but I like a little bang (or bling) for the buck when dropping a bunch of my ddough on something everyone will see.
I’ve since had the ring appraised and both times it was valued at around ten grand, so I got a great bargain.
I proposed by getting our border collie to balance the ring box on her nose in the middle of a round of tricks - I got down on one knee as I moved out of the way so my girlfriend saw what was on the nose and put two and two together.
I thought my proposal was great until I told my friend at work. He has a pilots license, and he went for an evening flight with his GF and flew over a field, as he flew over his buddy down below with a case of beer flipped the switch on a generator and the hillside spelled out “I love you kim will you marry me?” in christmas lights.
I still like the doggie proposal though. She was in vet school and we both love the dog so it was a little “family” type thing I guess.