Questions one should never answer, even if you have to injure yourself to avoid doing so.

[Jack_Batty]

@Enright3

Reminds me of a joke.

Bastard! I was limbering up my typing fingers to post that joke. Now my fingers are all limbered up for nothing.

[FatBaldGuy]

@Jack_Batty

Bastard! I was limbering up my typing fingers to post that joke. Now my fingers are all limbered up for nothing.

See post # 31

[Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension]

@LarryAndro

My wife told me once, “If I die, marry Jill.” Yikes! Several years later she told me that was the worst advice she ever gave me.

Did she tell you it was the worst advice she ever gave you via ouija board? (dun dun DUHN!)

@Skald_the_Rhymer

I’ll concede that I’d save Mrs. Which & Mrs. Who before, say, Ann Coulter. But I’d kill every elephant in India before I’d let my wife die, though I’d feel bad about it.

Tired too, I imagine.

[Jack_Batty]

@FatBaldGuy

See post # 31

Two bastards!!

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@Jack_Batty

Two bastards!!

Before I can fill your order, I need a little more detail.

Do you want two persons who can be verified as having been born out of wedlock? Or can I just send Rush Limbaugh and Michael Mooore over?

[Nava]

@Little_Nemo

While watching a movie or TV show together that features some good looking actress:

“Do you think she’s good looking?”

…
“Do you think she’s better-looking than me?”

Those fall into the realm of “questions one should never ask”. Among other things because, if you’re asking in all seriousness “do you think Cyd Charisse had better legs than I do”, either you’ve got out-of-this-world legs or what’s out of this world is your eyes. If my parents had had one of those “these people don’t count as cheating”, she would have been in Dad’s big time - and I’m a straight female but I also can see why.

Skaldimus Supremus, I believe Jack was compaining about two bastards, not requesting them.

[HMS_Irruncible]

Be very careful when a woman asks ‘what’s your erotic fantasy?’ It means she’s got her eye on a cute pair of boots that might go with a stewardess outfit, not that she’s finally open to a threesome.

[Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension]

@Cosmic Relief

Be very careful when a woman asks ‘what’s your erotic fantasy?’ It means she’s got her eye on a cute pair of boots that might go with a stewardess outfit, not that she’s finally open to a threesome.

Where were you when I needed you.

[TruCelt]

@dangermom

I’m totally going to ask my husband that this evening.

Post pics! LOL!

[EvilTOJ]

@Hari_Seldon

How would you like my hair?

Bundled up in my fists while in I ride you like a wild untamed stallion.

[BunnyTVS]

@Boyo_Jim

Reminds me of my favorite Andrew Dice Clay joke:

“Will you still respect me in the morning?”
“I don’t respect you now.”

Or: “Of course! But I’d respect you even more if you suck my cock.”

[Martini_Enfield]

@Cosmic Relief

Be very careful when a woman asks ‘what’s your erotic fantasy?’ It means she’s got her eye on a cute pair of boots that might go with a stewardess outfit, not that she’s finally open to a threesome.

This really needs to go in the Official Man Handbook because it’s vitally, vitally important information.

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@Nava

Skaldimus Supremus, I believe Jack was compaining about two bastards, not requesting them.

So you’re saying I should release Limbaugh and Moore from the Pit? Because there’s no food down there and it’s been, like, 3 days.

[TruCelt]

@Skald_the_Rhymer

So you’re saying I should release Limbaugh and Moore from the Pit? Because there’s no food down there and it’s been, like, 3 days.

OK, now we need a poll on which one has eaten the other. . .

[Wargamer]

@TruCelt

OK, now we need a poll on which one has eaten the other. . .

Just dump a barrel of barbecue sauce over them and toss in a fork. that way, we ALL win.

[outlierrn]

How would you like my hair?

With some fava beans and a nice chianti.

[HMS_Irruncible]

Also, under the general heading of Things I’ve Learned Not To Say To Women - “I bet you were really pretty when you were young.”

I know, it’s totally a compliment, right? But something about it just rubs them the wrong way.

[RandMcnally]

@Cosmic Relief

Also, under the general heading of Things I’ve Learned Not To Say To Women - “I bet you were really pretty when you were young.”

I know, it’s totally a compliment, right? But something about it just rubs them the wrong way.

Also not a compliment even though it should be: You are so lucky you’re pretty.