Questions your children have asked you.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The other morning at the obscene hour of 5am, my 4.5year old son woke up and bellowed in his loud voice that he needed help going potty. Since my husband had already left for work and fearing that this voice would continue until his younger sister woke up, I staggered down the hall to “assist” my son.

Apparently my entire responsibility to him was to be the toilet flusher, something I am well qualified to do, even at 5am and I did my best to stay more than half asleep whilst my son attended to his duties.

Then he asked me: Mama, why is my penis sometimes up?

I had to fight hard to not say, " Because it is the dark side trying to control you." or " Oh,no, your little head is now starting to gain control over your bigger head…"

Instead I mumbled something ineffective and then called my husband, a penis owning kind of person, on the phone.

His response, aided with two diet cokes, was much better,
" Because sometimes your penis wakes up before you do. "

2

“when am I going to be implanted daddy?”

3

“What does spit or swallow mean, mama?”

4

“Mo?” (More?)
“Wa?” (Walk?)
“Mi?” (Milk?)
“Momma car?”
“Daddy car?”

I’ll get back to you in awhile.

5

Along the same lines as Shirley’s post… My son just turned 4

“Why is there wood in my penis?”

Also,
“Can god Fly?”
“Does god like me?”
When saying prayers:
“Should we say ‘god bless boogers?’ should we say ‘god bless god’?”

And here is a funny, even though it isn’t a question:

I was reading him Curious George (the original) and he was pretty upset at the man with the yellow hat stealing him… later on, George has a good meal, and a good smoke, and went right to bed.
Eli: “I never got to have a good smoke”…

Evo

6

When my brother was younger (3 or 4ish) my mom took him to visit her family in England. My uncle is the stereotypical English gentleman - very proper, uptight and precise. One day during lunch, for no reason we can discern, my brother says, “Uncle Ron, what’s a jockstrap?”

My uncle turned red and began to stammer something while my mom and her sister giggled at his discomfort. My brother pipes up, “Oh, I know! It’s where you keep your tentacles!”

20 years later and it’s still funny…

7

‘why does my penis get fat when I do this?’ (demonstrates playing with himself) (answer: “Because it likes it when you do that.”)

Boys. :wink:

He’s also asked about when he’d get to turn into a woman. He wanted to carry a baby in his tummy.

My mom also overheard him telling his (female) cousin “it’s okay, you’ll have a penis when you grow up.” He felt bad for her, apparently. Penis being a favorite toy… (that was about 2 yrs old - very verbal boyo).

My two favorite comments are both God-related. The first time he asked me what God was, I turned the question back to him, trying to judge what level of answer I should give… his immediate answer? “God is everything, all together.” He was 2. And apparently, a pantheist. I found I couldn’t answer better than he had, so we left it at that. Not bad for 2.

Since then, we’ve discussed religion several times. He’s got 4-yr-olds trying to convert him at school. :eek: So, we’ve talked about being a Quaker, and the spark of God in everyone, and listening to that inner Voice…

Then, one day this summer (now 4 1/2 years old), coming home from summer care…

Gabe: “God told me to wiggle my butt at Allie today”
Me: (stunned) “What??”
Gabe: “God told me to!”
Me: (curious) “What makes you think God told you to do that?”
Gabe: “Well, it was a voice inside me that said to do it. God is a voice inside me. … Allie laughed.”
Me: (choking on my laughter) “Um, dear, I think that was your sense of humor telling you that. The voice of God inside you is very, very, very quiet, and usually doesn’t tell you things loud enough to hear when you are playing.”
Gabe: (crestfallen) “Oh.” (then brightening as he adjusted) “Okay.”

Left me wondering if maybe it was God telling him to do that - I mean, how the heck do I know what God says to 4 1/2 year olds?

8

I think I once asked my Dad “If you’re a policeman, and you have to shoot someone, and they’re still alive when they’re on the ground, are you allowed to shoot them again?”

Also, “Could a pair of siamese twins run for President and Vice-President?” And a similar question about people with multiple personalities.

9

(From back in the day when I was still married)

“Mommy, was daddy hurting you last nite? You sure were yelling!”

To which my brilliant husband explained, “Well, son, we were trying out a new wrestling move…the Scorpion Death Hold.”

Uhhhh…:smack:

10

(From back in the day when I was still married)

“Mommy, was daddy hurting you last nite? You sure were yelling!”

To which my brilliant husband explained, “Well, son, we were trying out a new wrestling move…the Scorpion Death Hold.”

Uhhhh…:smack:

11

woh, double post. it was even funnier the second time!!! :smiley:

12

About age 5, while riding in the car, daughter asks, “How do we know this is all real?”

Knowing that we adults sometimes mis-read kids thoughts in disastrous ways, I asked her what she meant. I wuz also buying time . . .

“How do we know that this isn’t all a dream?” she asks waving her hand towards the whole world. This being a kid who wouldn’t ever discuss her dreams, it was even spookier.

“Many famous people have asked that question over the years, including Plato and Descartes,” I said (buying more time). “If it were a dream and I pinched you it wouldn’t hurt. But right now if I pinched you, would it?”

Well I bought myself another couple years with that answer anyway.

13

From a billboard on the way to the Delaware state fair in Harrington.

"Daddy, why do they call it an inn if nobody sleeps there?

14

I asked my parents where babies come from in Church.

Let me rephrase. I asked them and we were in Church at the time. It was during the consecration in a Catholic Mass, FWIW.

My mother, in a very hushy voice, says “A man and a woman get together in a special way.”

This, needless to say, did not satisfy my burning curiosity. So I said, in a very loud voice, “But Mama, I wanna hear about the sperm!”

Every parent felt for them and nodded knowingly and a lot of the non-parents looked horrifiedly embarassed.

Ah, to be four.

15

My son at 7: Why do I have to wear underwear?

My daughter at 3: How come I’m not white like you?
The only answer I could think of to give my son was “because I said so.” My daughter’s question really through me through a loop because I’m not white. Then I realized that at the tender age of three my daughter was getting into Spike Lee “Bugaboo” territory.

I’m glad they’re 15 now and ask things like “Can I taste your beer.” and “Can I come home at 12?” Those questions are easily answerable-- and with the same word too.

16

My son and I were in the locker room and changing into our swimming trunks.

Him: Why do you have hair there?
Me: Everyone gets hair there when they grow up.
Him: Crap.

I hadn’t heard him use that expression before, and, when coupled by his look of disgust, it set me off on a fit of giggles that lasted about five minutes.

17

My son, age three.

“Why?”
“Why What?”
“Why?”

Now, I’m assuming he had a specific example in mind when questioning me. At three, however, his vocabulary was still a little unprepared for such nuances. Fortunately, my answer was good enough.

“Because.”
“Oh.” and he toddled off to play with something else.

18

ROFL! This is absolutely a treasure.
This summer I hunted hi and low for a speedo style swimsuit for my son. I don’t like the baggy drawers on kids and when I finally found the speedo, I was very happy. My son liked it too, running merrily about the backyard in it. We went to a friends house on the lake and a friend refered to the speedo as a banana hammock, to our amusement.

A couple of days later our neighbor asked shockingly (and jokingly)what in the world was our son was wearing.

“A banana hammock.” He replied quite cheerfully.

It brought down the house.

19

My daughter asked me this one just a couple of months ago. My answer was pretty much the same as yours.

She’s been asking alot of questions lately about pee and poop. I refer these to my husband. He seems to know all the answers. Especially about poop. Must be a guy thing.

She’s also asked about babies lately, too. She knows they come out of a mama’s body, but up until just a couple of weeks ago, she thought they came out of the mama’s mouth. I didn’t know that that was what she thought, though, until she mentioned it. And yes, I actually did correct her.

That was an interesting conversation…especially when she tried to bend over and look at the holes that I told her about…

20

Lots of kids think babies come out the mother’s mouth. I mean, they’re told the baby is in mommy’s tummy, right? So the only reasonable way out is through the mouth.

[Insert crude jokes about oral sex here]