Ladies, do you pay attention to how much cleavage your top shows? Do you wear low-cut tops specifically to get looks from guys?
Because we’re hard-wired by evolution to solve problems, not talk about them. Therefore, talking about it serves no purpose. What you interpret as getting distant is us thinking things over in our heads.
When you try to pry it out of us, we feel like we’re getting the third degree. Let us chill for a while and we’ll talk about it when we’re ready.
And we don’t cry because society teaches us that men crying is an admission of weakness.
Anyone who says they can’t multitask is either a liar or extremely low functioning. The only people I’ve ever met who can’t focus on several things at once have been literally retarded. Even high functioning retards can usually multitask.
It’s one thing to trick your gullible wife, but try telling your boss you can’t do what he wants because you’re aready focusing on something. I can’t think of many positions where that would be acceptable.
I tell my girlfriend, otherwise I don’t mention it. I work with mostly women, and sometimes if someone is having a particularly bad day, or are being uncharacteristically pissy, they’ll mention that they’ve got/are about to get their period. It’s not a get out jail free card - PMS doesn’t excuse being a bitch, but it does explain odd behaviour.
girl =)
And it is easy not to sleep in the wet spot … make sure that when you break from nookie position you simply reposition onto a dry spot =) He has to sleep on the wet spot. No problem =)
Easily accomplished by being the one on top… dismount onto the dry spot and sleep =)
Even if that were the reason I think it’s more indicative of two chicks being weird than anything generally true of women. I’ve been on plenty of dates where my date offered to pay half and thanked me when I declined, on dates where she offered to pay half and really wanted to, and on dates where she never made any motion to pay. None have ever seemed to feel it would be best to excuse herself while the man worked out the money, even on double dates. It just doesn`t seem like a problem for women I’ve dated or known.
speak for yourself, I could fill my one ounce diva cup in between an hour and an hour and a quarter. I would blow through a super plus tampon and a maxi pad in the same amount of time.
i have since gotten my abusive girly bits removed and am very happy
I can’t imagine telling people just to be telling them, frankly. Why would they want or need to know unless it was somehow germaine to what was going on? And besides, if I’ve been having mood swings and running to the bathroom every 20 minutes all day and would provoke physical violence to get some chocolate, women already know.
The only deliberate way to adjust the timing of your period is to manipulate it with hormonal birth control. Some people do adjust the timing of starting a pack of pills to tinker things around, usually because they have a trip or special event coming up, but by and large it’s not really an issue.
Other than the SO, I generally don’t tell anyone. It’s just not something I feel the need to talk about. On rare occasions a woman that I am close to will mention it to me, usually because she is not feeling well (e.g., cramps), or because her period might make some planned event more difficult or embarrassing (e.g., romantic weekend or running a marathon). I can’t imagine a co-worker doing this unless she was also a close friend.
The only way of adjusting one’s cycle that I am aware of is by using birth control pills. When I was younger I did adjust my cycle to have a Sunday or Monday start so that I wouldn’t have my period on a Friday or Saturday night. Now that I’m older I just don’t care what day it starts.
Men: When a woman comes to you looking for support or validation of her viewpoint, for example in dealing with a difficult situation at work, why do you offer problem solving even after she’s told you that she wants your emotional support, not your help with solving the problem?
Great answers all. My question for guys: Why do you open a cabinet or a drawer to get something out or put something in, and then don’t close it? Almost every guy I’ve ever dated has had that tendency and when questioned are unsure why. Please help.
Most of the bachelor parties I have been to started off in a bar and wound up in a strip club. Just lots of booze, lots of strippers, swearing, puking, etc. We usually buy some sort of lap dance for the groom.
If we are headed into the city or to A.C. for the party, the guys all get hotel rooms to crash in since driving would be an extraordinarily bad idea. In most cases, walking is a problem at that point.
We don’t steal large animals, get married to hookers, kidnap Asian businessmen or anything else you may have seen in the movies.
The naughtiest bachelor party I ever attended included a stripper that turned a few tricks after she got done dancing. That was the exception. Most involved a couple bars and maybe a strip club. Mine involved a house out in the country, a very large stereo system, a bunch of weed and beer and…, well that was about it. The girls stopped by to check up on us and ended up staying and partying with us.
Nice screen name/post combination…
Women: If you do connect with that perfect guy, who helps with cleaning, doesn’t spit, doesn’t fart (in front of your friends as a joke; on a bic lighter; under the covers before shoving your head under there), doesn’t take a foot-long shit and then makes you come look at it, a man who speaks naught but poetry & eats naught but pussy, etc., etc…
…do you have that moment of fear that he’s gay, which he can never fully allay?
I do. But I’m pretty compulsive like that.
Overlyverbose pretty much covered it for me. Here’s some other tips:
[ul]
[li]Make sure said girl is well informed NOW that this is going to happen. I started very early and had never been told anything about it. I thought I had cancer and cried in the bathroom all night.[/li][li]If there’s a grandmother or aunt or mother-of-her-best friend that you both trust and think will handle it correctly, let her talk to your daughter about it. It’s cool that you’re cool with being involved, unlike Dads of Yesteryear, but still … it’d be good to have a lady around to give the basic logistical instructions and advice. (And for heaven’s sake, DON’T let them talk about “the curse of Eve.”[/li][li]Let her start with pads, then move to tampons when she feels ready. FYI I taught myself to use tampons by reading the instruction pamphlet that came in the box. NOT that I recommend this, just know that there are instructions available on the web, even if they don’t put them in the box any more.[/li][li]Speaking of the web, there are tons of sites out there for girls to help explain this stuff. Don’t have any URLs, but you could start with the Kotex/Tampax sites, I’m sure they have stuff.[/li][/ul]
Orgasms: Others have covered the major points, but … yes, some men care. Some care because they care, and that’s OK, and faking with them isn’t a good idea because they genuinely want you to enjoy yourself as much as they do. Some care because it’s all about THEIR ego – “I can make her come” Some care because they don’t know shit about female sexuality and think it means we don’t like them, aren’t enjoying the sex, or there is something “wrong” with us if we don’t, or if we can’t through intercourse alone. A girl might fake it with a guy like that, but … if you find yourself doing so frequently, time to re-think the relationship. Sometimes, though, to quote Elaine and Kramer, “Sometimes it’s just enough already and you want to go to sleep.”
On hair: If you don’t notice that we’ve changed our hair, or are wearing a new dress, or new glasses, or have done something else substantial about our appearance, this says, “I don’t really pay attention to you.” If you don’t notice that I got 1 inch cut off the bottom of my shoulder-length hair, it doesn’t phase me, I probably wouldn’t have noticed either. But if I walk in the room and I’ve got bangs where I didn’t have bangs before, and you don’t say anything, then I might feel a little invisible.
Wow, how sensitive and enlightened. Embarrassed and insecure? No. I don’t however, think it’s appropriate to wave my bloody tampons around or announce every nuance of those 4 or 5 days, just like I don’t discuss my urination and bowel movements as a general rule. And, some men don’t understand it; you may know it exists, but few men really know the ins and outs (see questions posted by men above.)
Oh, and don’t call me a “chick.”
See my answer to Superhal above. I might mention it to an SO or a female friend if there’s a REASON – usually that I’m not feeling well (I get bad headaches and cramps some months), but I don’t make general announcements.
Yes, flow can be quite heavy when I’m not on BCP. Some women simply bleed more than others. Not to mention the lining – if you are irregular due to PCOS or some other disorder (I was before BCP) then sometimes you have quite a build-up.
No.
Usually when y’all complain about that, the “something” that you believe is bothering us is YOU or YOUR BEHAVIOR. Perhaps not always, but I’m generally not hesitant about opening up if I am having one of those “damned if I don’t, damned if I do” situations at work or some other form of outrageous people-shit problem in some context that you don’t already know about… I mean it’s great to have someone to tell about that stuff, and I imagine most other guys aren’t reticent about that kind of thing either.
If I’m full of self-doubts and murky self-evaluations, I may be a bit reclusive about that —despite all that John Gray bullshit, y’all are ALSO inclined to want to advise when WE don’t necessary want advice although a good listener who understands that we’re just turning this kind of uncomfortable stuff over and don’t need it SOLVED (not that you could, it’s not LIKE that) could be a good thing…
Anyway, the “YOU” stuff, which appears to be what you are most worried about when you ask why we are all distant and won’t talk about it:
• some of the time, the problem itself, the one we’re not talking to you about, is itself a communications issue. “Hey, O Curved-bodied one, we need to talk. It seems to me that you have a tendency to take any criticism as an attack and you kind of go into defense mode, and say things like ‘Give me one example of when I did that’ instead of really hearing…” Hmm wait, now how’s that going to play out? Think I’ll stay silent…
• Sometimes it’s because our feelings are hurt. Now, some people’s instinctive reaction when their partner hurts their feelings is to say “Yo! Ouch?! That really stung, ya know!”; but some people are wired to withdraw and feel sorry for themselves, thinking things like “Well if she really cares she’ll notice I’m mopey and miserable, think about things, realize she stomped all over me, and do something to show her sensitive and caring side and quit treating me like I’m made of stone”. And if that’s happening, a lot depends on HOW you ask the guy to talk to you. Starting off with “Why won’t you talk to me? You always get all distant and stuff, and I might as well not have a boyfriend, it’s like you’re not even here most of the time” may not be the best opening line. Hmm, this isn’t conveying what I intended to convey. I think I want to make a difficult but important distinction. I don’t think guys are inherently emotionally fragile and you should treat them like they are defectively fragile, aww poor male baby. There’s a difference between being fragile in general and fragile TO YOU. We let our guard down around YOU. We let ourselves be vulnerable TO YOU. Vulnerable means “can be hurt”. It is not unreasonable to expect in return for that a certain kind of tenderness that comes from understanding that we’ve left ourselves open to that. You CAN hurt our feelings. We expect you to care, no condescension about widdle boy’s fragile emotional egos stirred in, if that makes coherent sense.
• Some of it isn’t even remotely gender-specific. There are people (male and female) who have more of a need than others to have the freedom to let their attention (including the obsessive time-consuming form of attention) drift to things they may not choose to share with their partners, may not be ABLE to share with their partners, and/or may have as part of its attractions the fact that it’s a solitary sort of thing. One of my favorite songs is from feminist Atlanta GA songsmith Carole Etzler, “Next to You”, in which she sings: “Lying here, next to you…what a lovely way to spend a summer afternoon…I watch your face, I can tell, there is nothing I would do to break that magic spell…there isn’t room for me…so I lie still awhile, next to you” THAT’S a love song. That’s a deeply caring very unselfish deeply understanding love song. Sometimes it’s like that. You’d want the same consideration in return when it’s YOUR obsession that doesn’t in any shape way fashion or form include HIM, wouldn’t you? When you need alone-time and space, and it isn’t about getting away from him, it’s simply that you don’t exist for him (not your purpose) and right at the moment he doesn’t exist for you and oughta be OK with that.
(Funny, I thought you were a guy)
Can’t really say. I just talk a lot. My wife never talks, though, so we kind of balance each other out.
Ladies: was there a memo sent out sometime in the late 90s which stated that all hair below your neck must be shaved off?
And how many of you are ACTUALLY blonde?