What should I write in a card for a colleague who’s husband has just died. Deepest sympathy and Condolences seem too formal for someone who I’ve laughed and joked with over the past four years. Any ideas?
Your friend is probably too numb to be concerned with what is in a card. Anything would do. I usually stress the “memories” part. You might throw in your availability for a call or get together. Hard topic always.
A printed card is okay, but it’s best to include a personal letter of sympathy. Nothing long, a paragraph will do. I’ll break down a simple formula you can personalize for such letters::
Dear Carrie,
[the letter should lead off with a statement of sorrow and sympathy] I was so sorry to hear about Bob’s sudden death. [follow with a couple of sentences about the deceased] Your relationship with him was an inspiration to me – you seemed like such a happy and well-suited couple and you always spoke of him with such loving warmth. Although I didn’t know him well, he was always so friendly and funny when we chanced to meet. [next comes an offer of assistance, trying to come up with a specific offer rather than a generalized offer of help] Is there anything I can do to help you? Maybe there is a project at work I can take over or complete for you? Anything at all – just let me know what needs doing. [end with a reiteration of the comment of sympathy that you opened with] Please know that I’m thinking of you and your family in this difficult time.
just be honest and sincere. Write whatever comes into your head. Empty standard phrases won’t cut it in a situation like this.
You said you’ve know her for the past 4 years, joked and laughed with her/
I think a well meant “i’m so sorry for your loss, please tell me if I can help” would do more for her than “condolences…”
good luck
Tell her a few good things that you remember about her husband, what you thought of him, a nice anecdote about him that she may not have heard. For instance, if he always seemed to cheer up a room, or took the time out to joke with your kids when he would see them, or whatever. Jess’s outline is a good starter if you’re stuck on what to say.