I married a prankster. Unfortunately for him, I have no sense of humor first thing in the morning.
There is a dichotomy in the Maven household: Mouse_Spouse’s commute to work is only 20 or thirty minutes and my expedition for income is about an hour. I’m on a tighter time line for getting out the door.
This morning, my keys were not in their usual place. Since grabbing my keys is the last thing I do before heading out the door, I heart leapt into my throat. I drop my stuff and run up stairs to see if the keys were on my dresser. Not there. Rushing back down stairs, I start pawing through my book bag to see if the keys were in there. No luck. Where the fuck are they! I look back at the counter where the keys usually are and they have magically appeared with Mouse_Spouse grinning at me.
The look on my face wiped the grin off of his.
“You’re not happy with me,” he said.
Of course I’m pissed, I thought. I’ve got to get out the door and catch a bus. You’re wasting my time with juvenile games! :mad:
I take a deep breath. “No. I’m not happy with you. We’ll talk about this tonight. I love you.”
Out the door I go, feeling like I just kicked a puppy.
Agreed. Even if you were driving, leaving-for-work is not the time to play games. But when you have to catch a bus? :mad: That’s unforgivable. I believe some revenge is in order. I recommend hiding the coffee (after you’ve had yours, of course).
Sadly, we don’t drink coffee. I’ll hide his favorite computer game when I get home tonight.
My morning routine has changed since we married in May. During the summer, I’m not in class so I can leave for work later. Now the fall semester has started, I have a lot less time. I’m taking the bus to save gas and spend some time studying. Mouse_Spouse may be feeling a little neglected because of my hectic schedule. We’ll talk about it tonight.
I just posted because I was pissed and the only person in the lab today. (To low on the totem pole to join them at a conference.)
[QUOTE=Mouse_Maven]
I just posted because I was pissed and the only person in the lab today.
[QUOTE]
The heck with hiding his disk. Pissed and alone in a lab? This sounds like the perfect recipe for some MAD SCIENCE™!!! Make him RUE THE DAY he dared to interfere with your greater genius!
Nitrogen triiodide. Smeared all over your hallway floor. Big mess, but he can clean it up. I did this to the headmaster of my old school, awesome results.
Erm, isn’t that sort of explosive? I’d never heard of it so I googled it and the links that came up seemed to imply it was not a good thing to play with
Do you by any chance have his-n-her bathrooms? that he cleans? Plastic wrap over the toilet base could be great fun then. And/or vaseline on the seat for that once-a-day visit (yes, I knew someone who did that to his wife… on their honeymoon. Oddly, they’re still married).
Put gravel in his socks in the dresser drawer. Just a couple of grains per sock.
Roll up his socks… into unmatched pairs.
Add food coloring to his shampoo.
Buy a bright red T-shirt. Accidentally toss in the laundry next time you wash his undies. Oopsie
There’s some sort of chemical you can add to food that makes one’s pee turn blue but I don’t know what it is and I guess it might be harmful anyway so let’s not go there. Especially if you try the plastic wrap trick.
Methelyne blue. It’s harmless (LD50 is in the kilograms, it’s sold as low-concentration solutions, and you only need a little to make it work), though the dye is pretty close to permanent. You find it in aquarium supply stores. It’s a very, very dark blue.
You have a reason to be very pissed. People know they just don’t touch my keys or wallet. The panic reaction I get the nanosecond I see them missing is well worth the strong stance.
My wife have done some things that were roughly analogous over time. At first, I felt powerless because she is extremely stubborn and doesn’t listen easily. One day I noticed yet again that she had lots of shoes that she rarely wore but nevertheless cherished (as many women do). She had probably close to 100 pairs. I told her that each time she did something like that, a pair of shoes was going to disappear forever and she probably wouldn’t even be able to tell which ones were gone. Although I was 100% serious, I never had to resort to offing any footwear because the behavior stopped. I suggest you identify his “shoes” and let it be known exactly what bad things will befall them if a repeat performance is given.
What object does Mouse_Spouse value dearly? I need to put some thought into this.
OTOH, I have an old, cancer ridden cat that likes to sneeze on the spouse. (I swear, when he feels a really snot-loaded one coming, Jake goes looking for Mouse_Spouse.) Maybe that’s revenge enough.
