Ok, listen up:
The Pit is a special place. It’s a place for posters to go at it, no holds barred (except for calling someone a cunt). It’s a place to call out that special poster who is demonstrating the level of idiocy that screams out for telling them exactly what a fucking douchebag they are.
Thing is, there are a lot of those moronic lightweights who keep posting dumb shit right here in the pit itself! So I have put together a few useful tips:
No one gives a shit about your relative who is a sex offender, the guy who parked in your space, your battle with cancer, that your uncle put his thumb in your butt, or that Glen Beck has said whatever it is that he said this week. To be more precise, people who care about that shit should be hanging out in MPSIMS or GD, where you can share your collective group hug outrage about whatever the issue du jour is, and enjoy the happy glow that comes from basking in the warm glow of a thread full of people agreeing or dogpiling on that one poster who disagrees.
You can’t make your MPSIMS bullshit into a pit post by adding a bunch of profanity. Don’t even try. It makes you sound like those giggling groups of middle aged libertines, who on their annual visit to the local bar, sip down two cocktails and proceed to loudly declare how wild and crazy they are while the serious alcoholics sit quietly judging them for being a bunch of posers.
Posting cites? WTF? Go home, you goddamned pansy. Don’t post cites. Cites are for lame-ass pedants who want to prove how right they are and convince others of the error of their ways. That goes in the other forums. Sadly, the newest crop of pit dilettantes are treating this fine institution as another place to carry their debates because most of them are not intelligent enough to make their points without calling someone names, and are too invested to walk away, because they have to “win”. There’s no fucking winning on the internet, you drooling special olympics superstars. If you can’t make your point in GD without the insults, odds are you just can’t make your fucking point because you’re wrong, because you’re a shitty debater, and because your ability to argue depends more upon outlasting the other party than upon actually making a salient point.
Pitting health care, Glen Beck, Obama, the Holocaust, or your in-laws? Don’t do it. All you’re doing is looking for some sympathy and a few people to pat you on the back because of the terrible trauma you suffered at the hands of a rude customer service employee. Those people/events/groups are not participants on the Dope. They cannot respond to you. They don’t give two shits about what you think. That is because you are a pansy who needs to grow a set and do something about it rather than whining on a board to a bunch of other people who also aren’t going to do anything about it.
If you feel so strongly about it, you have many choices. Have an intervention. Write to your congressman. Post a letter to your local paper. Start a foundation. If you’re not motivated to do something like that, and all the outrage you can work up is barely enough to motivate your fat ass to drop the cheetos and shuffle over to your computer to share it with your “friends” on the dope, you suck.
Quit fucking up my board experience with your inane tripe. If you are pitting someone or something that isn’t a poster, post it in Boring Crap That I Feel Like Posting Because I Desperately Crave Attention.
So let’s use this as a little practice, because I am tired of hitting that little report button 5 times a day to point out how you haven’t read the stickies at the top and as a consequence you have added to the decline of creativity and excitement in the pit by drowning it in yet more mundane and worthless drivel.
Feel free to insult me, tell me how the new, friendly, fascist SDMB doesn’t like my type, and why I should leave forever because I am secretly glad that you got cancer in your reproductive system so that you can no longer spam society with copies of yourself. But be original! Don’t go for the easy stuff. You’re an entertainer, a writer, an utterer of bon mots, not the wastes of space that can only get so far as “hur hur your stupid” or “Wow, you’re an asshole!” Those people have polyamorous relationships with orangutans, and as a consequence should be shunned and have a giant letter “M” sewn onto their various garments before being driven into the wilderness to starve until they complete their vision quest and devote themselves to not being such a jackanapes. Or until they die. Either way, I don’t care. Just like I don’t care about your “pitting” of Republicans or of our government’s ideas about economic theory, or how your neighbor’s kid got murdered and you feel really bad about it.