Quit posting stupid crap here

Ok, listen up:

The Pit is a special place. It’s a place for posters to go at it, no holds barred (except for calling someone a cunt). It’s a place to call out that special poster who is demonstrating the level of idiocy that screams out for telling them exactly what a fucking douchebag they are.

Thing is, there are a lot of those moronic lightweights who keep posting dumb shit right here in the pit itself! So I have put together a few useful tips:

  1. No one gives a shit about your relative who is a sex offender, the guy who parked in your space, your battle with cancer, that your uncle put his thumb in your butt, or that Glen Beck has said whatever it is that he said this week. To be more precise, people who care about that shit should be hanging out in MPSIMS or GD, where you can share your collective group hug outrage about whatever the issue du jour is, and enjoy the happy glow that comes from basking in the warm glow of a thread full of people agreeing or dogpiling on that one poster who disagrees.

  2. You can’t make your MPSIMS bullshit into a pit post by adding a bunch of profanity. Don’t even try. It makes you sound like those giggling groups of middle aged libertines, who on their annual visit to the local bar, sip down two cocktails and proceed to loudly declare how wild and crazy they are while the serious alcoholics sit quietly judging them for being a bunch of posers.

  3. Posting cites? WTF? Go home, you goddamned pansy. Don’t post cites. Cites are for lame-ass pedants who want to prove how right they are and convince others of the error of their ways. That goes in the other forums. Sadly, the newest crop of pit dilettantes are treating this fine institution as another place to carry their debates because most of them are not intelligent enough to make their points without calling someone names, and are too invested to walk away, because they have to “win”. There’s no fucking winning on the internet, you drooling special olympics superstars. If you can’t make your point in GD without the insults, odds are you just can’t make your fucking point because you’re wrong, because you’re a shitty debater, and because your ability to argue depends more upon outlasting the other party than upon actually making a salient point.

  4. Pitting health care, Glen Beck, Obama, the Holocaust, or your in-laws? Don’t do it. All you’re doing is looking for some sympathy and a few people to pat you on the back because of the terrible trauma you suffered at the hands of a rude customer service employee. Those people/events/groups are not participants on the Dope. They cannot respond to you. They don’t give two shits about what you think. That is because you are a pansy who needs to grow a set and do something about it rather than whining on a board to a bunch of other people who also aren’t going to do anything about it.

If you feel so strongly about it, you have many choices. Have an intervention. Write to your congressman. Post a letter to your local paper. Start a foundation. If you’re not motivated to do something like that, and all the outrage you can work up is barely enough to motivate your fat ass to drop the cheetos and shuffle over to your computer to share it with your “friends” on the dope, you suck.

Quit fucking up my board experience with your inane tripe. If you are pitting someone or something that isn’t a poster, post it in Boring Crap That I Feel Like Posting Because I Desperately Crave Attention.

So let’s use this as a little practice, because I am tired of hitting that little report button 5 times a day to point out how you haven’t read the stickies at the top and as a consequence you have added to the decline of creativity and excitement in the pit by drowning it in yet more mundane and worthless drivel.

Feel free to insult me, tell me how the new, friendly, fascist SDMB doesn’t like my type, and why I should leave forever because I am secretly glad that you got cancer in your reproductive system so that you can no longer spam society with copies of yourself. But be original! Don’t go for the easy stuff. You’re an entertainer, a writer, an utterer of bon mots, not the wastes of space that can only get so far as “hur hur your stupid” or “Wow, you’re an asshole!” Those people have polyamorous relationships with orangutans, and as a consequence should be shunned and have a giant letter “M” sewn onto their various garments before being driven into the wilderness to starve until they complete their vision quest and devote themselves to not being such a jackanapes. Or until they die. Either way, I don’t care. Just like I don’t care about your “pitting” of Republicans or of our government’s ideas about economic theory, or how your neighbor’s kid got murdered and you feel really bad about it.



Yeah, can you prove you don’t care?

Why, exactly, should we give a shit what you want?

You’re a guest and you claim this is your board?

Thanks, guys, for proving my point about the kind of incompetents that feel the need to share their “cleverness” with everyone.

You imbeciles are, no doubt, chortling to yourself over your witty posts, not realizing that you are that tool standing by the water cooler saying “That’s what she said!”, and expecting everyone else to appreciate your sparkling wit – because you sure do.

The Pit obviously means a lot to you. I’m sorry others are sullying it’s pristine landscape with rants that just don’t measure up and frustrating your efforts to keep it chock full of the right kind of outrage. Standards must be maintained.

But pitting the Pit? Isn’t that like standing between two mirrors? At what point does the regression stop?

You lose a bet with Car0l S+re@m or something?


I really like this part. You’re being a prescriptivist douchebag here yourself. And that’s a level of idiocy that meets my standards for needing a call out, and it looks like it meets yours, too.

The funniest part is you know ivn1188 spent all day crafting that. Making sure each insult was carefully constructed and placed just right in each paragraph.

And yet, despite the obvious effort in creating that rant, I could absolutely not care less about what ivn1188 wants.

You’re paying to have “charter member” by your name, and you’re not even good enough at the English language to discern the difference between “my board” and “my board experience”?

Hey, guess what: you’re spending a bunch of money for a vanity tag. Wanker.

Real men don’t chortle.

Sure we do, we just don’t titter.

Aren’t you the shithead who whines because we’re allowed to call people trolls in the Pit?

Hmmm…interesting. Very, very interesting.

And aren’t you the lame-ass who lives with her parents?

Wow, that’s very good!!! I’m impressed!!!

I’m wondering if ivn1188 is looking for eventual “death by mod”.

Who is ivn1188 and why should I (or anyone else, for that matter?) give a fuck what he thinks about what people should or should not post in the Pit?

OP: Suck my dick.

Is that good enough for the Pit? Far more succinct and readable than your diatribe that no one cares about.

My son lives with me, or maybe I live with him, and he makes you look like an idiot. But then again, so do you, so how hard can it be?