Congrats! Yay!!!
Yes, plus even overcast days tend to be deceptive in terms of burn risk – the UV rays get scattered around by the clouds, but after an hour or two the susceptible still get burned. For an event that’s outdoors for several hours, it’s just nice to have some place to be under cover, rain or shine.
My advice is this:
- Do what you and your spouse-to-be want, not what you think you’re expected to. It’s your day; your family and friends will be happy for you no matter what.
- Whoever is paying for it gets to make the final decision.
I had two weddings as well, one in Korea and one in Ohio. My Korean parents-in-law wanted to have a traditional big wedding. They paid for it; they figured out all the details. The Ohio wedding was paid for by me and my spouse–a small, no-frills wedding that cost us under $5k. Both weddings went off well, because everyone knew who was in charge of what.
Good luck remembering both anniversaries. I don’t think there’s been a year we haven’t forgotten one or the other. :smack:
Congratulations!
Most of the questions have been well-covered, but I just wanted to add my voice to the others saying that you do not have to have a traditional wedding cake. We did cheesecakes at ours, and they looked beautiful and tasted even better. WAY way way better than a dry white cake with too-thick, sickly-sweet frosting. Yick. There are plenty of dessert options other than cake. It is nice to have something to cut together so if you do cupcakes, maybe have the baker make one small non-cupcake for cutting. Cheesecake worked well for cutting together.
But whatever you do with dessert, *please *don’t smash it in each other’s faces!
I can offer you my findings, as I’m also planning my wedding! Yay for us!
Our date is June 16th, 2012, and I have already been told by photographers and venues that they were booked solid. That far in advance, I thought they were kidding!! Luckily I was able to find a not-so-well-known-but-still-awesome photographer who was jumping for joy to have us as customers! Much better than the snobby “We’re booked” I’d been getting! And since we’re having the wedding in our smaller hometown instead of the city we live in now, we found not 1 but 2 locations! So maybe try for something a little off the beaten path?
I have my heart set on an outdoor wedding, but we’re going with a reception hall that has a beautiful area to have the ceremony just in case of rain! I think you really should have a backup plan.
As for the bar - is alcohol really important to you? Me and my fiance don’t drink, and both have family members that would probably cause a scene, so we decided to just not have alcohol. At the horrified gasps and "But it’s tradition!"s that we got, we just told them that this was our wedding and we’ll do what we want.
I’ll share with you the tip someone gave me for saving money on flower decorations - silk! I had never even considered silk flowers over real, but everything I have seen is just as beautiful, can be scented, won’t die the night before, and can be bought in bulk for cheap!! I’m doing all of our flowers in silk! When me and my best friend went and looked at some for the first time, we had to ask the customer service rep there where they were, and she told us we were already there! We had been walking by rows of flowers that looked so real and smelled so fresh we assumed they were real!
Just remember to have fun, it is YOUR wedding after all (well, I guess you have to share it with the groom too…;)). When I started to gripe that my mother and grandmother didn’t like what I liked, my man told me, “Well your mom and nanny have had half a dozen weddings between them, they can let us have this one!” Just make sure the two of you are happy with everything, and it’ll be great!
Congratulations!
I started answering your questions in detail, then realised perhaps I’ll just give an anecdote, since my answers would be likely unhelpful because I don’t think my experience was very typical. My husband and I got married in France, and avoided a whole load of hassle about traditional weddings that way - we got away from the French traditions because we’re English, and got away from the English traditions because we were in France. So we didn’t have bridesmaids or a best man - we didn’t want them. (My understanding is that these don’t need to match, though.) We also didn’t have speeches or dances or any of those other things that filled me with horror.
As far as timing, we got engaged in April and then married in September. We told people as soon as we’d got engaged, and wrote formal invitations at that point - everyone we invited came, and most of them were travelling from the UK. You’ll need to talk to venues (and photographers) early though - for us, it was easy, because there isn’t an option for French weddings; you get married in the town hall.
Open bar, we didn’t do one - and I don’t think they’re as common in the UK (and Ireland?) as they are in the US. We paid for wine with the meal and champagne for everyone, which the restaurant we had our reception in included in the per-head price. The reception was by far the biggest expense for us, we ended up spending about 2500 euros on it. (I don’t know to what extent that’s normal, I’ve obviously never done this before. This was something we had ongoing problems with, actually - what people’s expectations would be. Neither of us had been to weddings before.) In case it rained, the restaurant had awnings and giant umbrellas (there’s probably a real name for those, isn’t there?) that we would have used. In the event, it was fine.
I got changed after the wedding lunch; we were going to the beach and I didn’t want to ruin the dress. I kind of regret that now - I’d keep it on for the reception, if you can; you won’t get to wear it again, after all!
Mostly, I’d say don’t worry. Do the things you want to do and don’t feel you should do things you don’t want to because of “tradition”. (Though, that said, I was talked into having flowers, and I was really pleased I did, in the end. Ditto wedding photos. I hadn’t wanted either originally, and they were both actually a really good idea.) And try not to get stressed - I ended up throwing a strop over the silliest little thing the day before the wedding (my family get to me in new and interesting ways, just when I think I’ve got them sussed) and felt silly about it afterwards - I didn’t even notice if anything went wrong on the day itself, and everyone had a good time. So, while it may be hard to avoid, you don’t need to panic about anything, it will all work itself out, as long as you don’t kill anyone…
Best to plan a year out. Gives you the most options. We did a year but it doesn’t feel like enough time. See how much you two can set aside each month, leading up to the wedding date. Try to keep your budget that amount so you dont overpay or go into debt.
Wedding favors, up to you. But its easy and cheap to still do something thoughtful if you are creative.
Booze, cake, etc can be very affordable if you know what you are doing. Our cake is only 400 USD and its a 5 tier that will feed 250 people. Shop around! We are also getting alcohol on sale and simply hoarding it till the wedding.
Wedding invites, aim for 4 months before the date. You save money by doing them yourself.
PM me if you are curious about more specifics. Our wedding is costing us $ 10,000 USD for 250 guests at a reception hall for 10 hours. But saving up for 14 months its not too bad.
/snip
This includes bossy sister-in-laws… no matter how much you really really want to!
Wear the dress all day in Ireland. The guests will like to have a good look at it, especially if it is a traditional Korean dress.
At a large wedding, the groomsmen are supposed to act as ushers at the ceremony, welcoming and seating the guests. One per each fifty guests is regarded as a good number.
A matching number of bridesmaids is probably most common, but more or fewer is fine.
Child attendants are common at British and Irish weddings. You generally need a couple of adults on tap to sign the marriage certificate as witnesses.
It used to be customary in the United States for one of the bride’s attendants to be chosen from the groom’s family or friends, and vice versa. I don’t know whether this is still usual, or if anyone else does this.
FWIW we had two best men, two bridesmaids, two ushers and two flower girls.
I had a thought about an unusual venue.
Castle Espie- your fiance will know where it is.
They have a beautiful modern glass observatory on the shores of Strangford Lough with amazing views which can be hired for weddings.
The website leaves a lot to be desired but it is a beautiful location, especially if you like birds. You could get a family member to check it out for you and send better photos.
If you don’t have a lot of time you might have to think outside the box with regards to the venue, they may be less booked up than say, the Crawfordsburn Inn.
The first thing to check, before you check availability of venues is availability of Registrars. If you want a civil ceremony they will officiate (no, you don’t really have a choice).
If you are having trouble with the date, pick a weekday- Thursdays will always be more available than Fridays or Saturdays.
I really, really suggest you check out the website for Belfast city council I linked to.
I’ll re-iterate that the NI marriage paperwork is old fashioned, time consuming and will require original documentation, usually delivered in person by one of the people to be married. This may be difficult to arrange from Korea, so get in contact with the Registrar for the district you plan to marry in ASAP to find workable solutions.
If you plan to get married in a venue which isn’t registered to hold weddings you have to apply for a temporary licence- not more than 6 months, but not less than 3 months before the wedding. Alternatively, some venues have permanent licences, so you don’t have to worry. A temporary licence is £400, and the registrar is another £200-300 on top of that. Remember to include it in the budget.
Depends on what sort of wedding you’re planning and where, but the bigger and more elaborate the wedding, the more popular your date, or the smaller the provider:bride ratio, the further in advance you need to start.
NOTHING in a wedding other than the participants and paperwork is mandatory. Stitch that in a sampler and look at it daily, it might save your sanity.
You should notify people as early as possible after you set a date by some method or other. Phone and email are fine, but if above a certain number of guests it becomes just as easy/efficient to mail out printed cards. Invitations usually go out about a month before you need a headcount for the caterer, somewhere in the 6-10 week range.
Yes, there’s a backup plan of some sort–tents, moving inside, something.
They’re that weird sort of given that almost everybody has, but nobody notices or cares if you don’t have them. Sort of like the little napkins printed with your names the date, or those foul little pastel mints. I say skip 'em.
Most do wear it all day, but I don’t think anyone cares if you change.
Well, don’t have it in Ireland, for one thing. 
No, and no. We didn’t have any at all, but I’ve seen weddings with as many as 8 apiece (which I consider totally insane, but there was some serious friend/family politicking going on).
Keep it really simple, and diy as much as possible. It helps to have crafty friends and family, but it’s not really necessary. Our centerpieces were just three-wick pillar candles with ribbons put on the outside with sequin pins; my 6-yo niece could make them, but they were lovely.
My best advice is to make a three-tier list of priorities: a very small handful of things that actually matter to one of you, a larger list of things that would be nice but aren’t a big deal, and a much longer list of things you’re just not going to worry about. Allocate your time, money, and mental energies accordingly.
Yeah, a year in advance is a good idea. Gives people time to save up for airfare, book holidays, etc.
Thanks for the advice, irishgirl, I really appreciate it from a local. 
I actually have been looking at National Ward sites - Castle Ward looks nice, and Killyleagh is only a half-hour away (I’d like to give out-of-town people a nice town to stay in). But I’m not sure whether we’re having a civil ceremony or not. Neither of us are particularly religious, but our parents are Catholic and we were both brought up Catholic so . . . yeah, not sure. I suppose we could look into St Patrick’s Church in Downpatrick if it comes to that. I think that’s where his parents got married, actually.
I will probably be PMing you sometime in the near future with many questions.
Also, Irish weddings don’t have open bars? I suppose open bars in Ireland would bankrupt all involved.
Well, my boyfriend is Irish so I think he would be horrified at the idea of a dry wedding. I’m not a huge drinker but I do enjoy having wine and cocktails. I’ll have to discuss this with him, but I think providing free beer and wine for a limited number of hours might work.
I was under the impression that the couple pays for costs for their wedding party - clothes, etc. My best friend lives in Scotland and is a poor student so I was planning to pay for her dress and accommodation anyway. Also all my other friends live in Korea and the US so I don’t want to pressure them into coughing up a plane ticket to Ireland.
:: shudder :: Most assuredly not.
Cupcakes sound like a cute idea, although I’ll definitely discuss it with his mum (I’m sure he doesn’t care).
I had another question floating around in my head but it’s escaped me for the moment. Oh well.
ETA: I remembered. Rehearsal dinner. This is the dinner you have the day before with members of the wedding party, right? The one wedding I attended in the US invited ALL their guests to the rehearsal dinner, but that isn’t usual, right?
My BIL made three cheesecakes in lieu of a traditional cake. Stacked them up all nice-like.
Our wedding cake was cheesecake too. Similar to this: http://www.hankscheesecakes.com/images/weddingCakes/wedding_cake_02Lg.jpg
Except we had chocolate glaze and raspberry. Hank’s Cheesecakes in ST. Louis.
Mmmmm, cheesecake.
Congratulations! That must be going a long way to easing tensions at your parent’s house. 
A few thoughts I jotted down as I read the thread -
Open bar - plus tip jar. People are very generous at weddings. I think we came out in the black at our open bar.
Number of attendants don’t have to match - we had two ladies and one guy. I think one of the ladies walked alone - it wasn’t a big deal since we’re all grown-ups.
A simple decorated cake from Safeway was just great (and chocolate - no crappy white cake for us!)
No videographer - just a photographer who was Jim’s acquaintance from his university newspaper days. We’ve barely looked at the pictures - we’d never look at a video.
I like the save-the-date cards, especially if people have to travel and book things. Not only do they have to book flights, but they have to book vacation time and make arrangements at work.
Flowers can be quite simple - I had a long-stemmed ivory rose bouquet, tied with a satin ribbon - cheap, easy, and gorgeous. My two attendants had a couple of roses each. We decorated with candles rather than flowers. Our wedding favours were decorated votive candle holders that were lit on the tables as part of the decorations.
Our rehearsal dinner was just immediate family and wedding party.
Keep the questions coming - there’s a bunch of us here that love to talk weddings.
In no particular order:
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We got married in September 2009. It was planned about 4 months in advance.
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If you’re going to have a short-ish lead time, let your guests who will need to make travel arrangements know about the date as soon as possible. And it sounds like many of your guests will be traveling.
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We didn’t send formal save-the-date cards because we simply didn’t have time for that; we just sent a very informal mass save-the-date e-mail. Nobody cared in the least.
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If you’re going to have a short-ish lead time, IMO you should pick a couple of things that you actually care about enough to fuss about details, and just make snap decisions about everything else. Luckily Tom Scud and I were pretty much on the same page in this department. We cared about food, who to invite, and venue to a certain extent; we based the choice of venue largely on who would allow us to bring in any outside caterer, which narrowed things down very quickly. If I’d been the type to obsess about invitation fonts, place cards, etc. it would be very easy to go insane.
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How to have an open bar without going bankrupt: another large factor in our choice of venue was that the one we chose allowed us to bring in our own booze. We basically just made a huge-ass delivery order from the liquor store, and the caterer provided a bartender at a reasonable hourly rate. Saved us a TON of money.
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Don’t let your families drive you insane! (I know; easier said than done.) Techniques for accomplishing this - not sure which ones will work in your case: 1. threaten to elope; 2. tell them to go to hell; 3. keep repeating to yourself that none of this crap really matters anyway and let them do whatever they want; 4. repeat ad nauseam “thanks for the idea; we’ll think about it!” There are many, many more - alcohol may be involved. Lean on your friends who have already been through this.
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Check out indiebride.com - tons of good ideas there!
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We didn’t really have attendants. In some ways that saved a lot of drama; OTOH my sister is still giving me shit that she wasn’t my maid of honor.
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No photographer/videographer either; we had sticker shock. All our friends have digital cameras, so there were 200+ photos uploaded to Facebook within 36 hours.
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Favors were glow-in-the-dark necklaces, which were a HUGE hit with the kids, but also with more of the adults than I would have expected. And they’re cheap!
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Rehearsal dinner was parents, siblings, and their spouses only. We just made arrangements for after the rehearsal that anyone who wanted to hang out could meet us later in a local restaurant/bar. Everyone bought their own drinks, etc. and nobody cared.
As you may gather, it wasn’t the world’s most formal wedding, so I don’t know how much of it will fly for you. But good luck!
Also, P.S. - etsy.com was FABULOUS for ideas and for little things - my hairpiece, boutonnieres/corsages made from peacock feathers for immediate family, and just general brainstorming.
Addendum: one great thing about our local liquor stores (both of them, though they’ve since merged) is that for weddings or other big events they let you return your unopened booze. We had to keep some of the unused bubbly because it had been soaking in cold water (which damaged the label), but otherwise we were able to return a substantial amount of what we had initially bought.
Oh, I thought of another thing we did that was possibly the best thing at our wedding - the spouses sat with the bridal party at the head table. Splitting up spouses/partners and making them sit without their partner because one half of the couple is in the bridal party is a pain in the ass and not necessary, in my opinion.