Yeah, I’m definitely not going to do that. I’m not a fan of forcing people to mingle, and from what I can recall there may be some of his relatives that should be seated as far apart as possible. I think we’ll assign tables (and seats, if the tables are huge)/
Ah, fair enough. Yes, I forgot, we did pay for tux rental, though it’s not generally expected. My best friend bought her own dress (which she later used for formalwear). My mom bought my sister’s dress 
But yeah, it’s too much pressure and I think it’s great that you’re thinking about them that way.
Okay, this is interesting, because in my experience it seems to fall into distinct cultural categories. Some cultural category my mom is in, either Korean or Southeast US, takes the line that you should invite all guests or at least all out-of-town guests. I always assumed it was the Korean category, but the fact that you don’t think so would point to it being the South… which, now that I think about it, the Southern weddings I’ve been to that were “country club”-gentrified were that way, but the non-country-club type were wedding-party-only.
Anecdotally, my parents were mortally offended when my half-uncle (my dad’s half brother) did not invite them to his rehearsal dinner. This happened over ten years ago and they will STILL bring it up whenever uncle’s name comes up. All the rest of us try to point out that they weren’t in the wedding party and aren’t particularly close even, and it was his second wedding so why do they even care, but to no avail.
Anyway… we invited all out-of-town guests to ours, as it was easier than trying to convince my mom that no one would be offended. But the weddings I’ve been to that have involved no Korean or Southeast US elements have generally had rehearsal dinners involving only the wedding party.
I’ve always heard that the wedding party paid for their own things, but weren’t expected to give a gift. Their participation and all that WAS the gift. So for my girls we’re all going together to pick out a style they like, so it’ll be something they can wear again. I want to make sure they like it, and can find something for a reasonable price.
And as far as the rehearsal dinner, every wedding that I know of it has only been with the wedding party. How it was explained to me is this:
Rehearsal dinner - wedding party comes and makes sure everyone knows what to do on the big day, then you gotta feed 'em.
Reception following ceremony - everyone else.
And if it matters any, we’re in the South, so country clubs and "Well I do declare!"s and all that jazz 
My sister had a cheesecake wedding cake. It was awesome.
Church weddings can be fun even if you are not particularly devout as both a way of giving the wedding a mystical and ornate feel and also as a contrast to the raucous reception.
I just want to congratulate you and wish you and your husband to be many years of happiness. I’m sure you both feel lucky (he is luckier, of course!) to have each other and that is really so great.
Oh yeah, another good thing about having one attendant is that I don’t have to worry about matching colors or dresses or anything like that. 
Thank you, that’s very sweet. And yes, I do feel extremely lucky to have him. I’m the luckier one, really.
On a different note - why are so many wedding dresses strapless these days? I’ve never worn a strapless dress before and I’d be too afraid of it falling off.
It won’t. They fit them to you so closely that getting them off is the real challenge (seriously - until husband figured he could jimmy open the buttons with a nail file, I nearly had to sleep in mine, which would have put a serious crimp in our wedding night plans :D). If you have a Catholic wedding though, it’s likely you’ll be asked to keep your shoulders covered anyway.
I think we’re up against a couple of cultural differences here:
- Open bars really aren’t common at UK weddings, and from what irishgirl said it’s the same in Ireland. I’ve been to about a dozen weddings in the past 3 years, and only 2 have had an open bar. I suspect we drink too much as a nation to make it a practical option.
- I don’t think rehearsal dinners are common either. I’ve never known anyone to have one, ad we certainly didn’t.
- Don’t about Ireland, but in the UK we don’t do the “feeding each other cake” thing either. You cut it together and that’s it.
Oh, wonderful news! Congratulations, I’m so happy for you two 
I feel your pain, and I also needed more…infrastructure than that, which was a large part of the decision to have a dress made. Seriously, I think it’s like 98% strapless these days! Maybe you can find someone to use spare fabric from the hem to make straps?
You don’t have to do that anyway.
My advice? Any time someone involved in your wedding begins a sentence with “BUT YOU HAVE TO…”
a)if they are a vendor, do not hire them
b)remind yourself, “I don’t have to do anything except show up with a marriage license and GET MARRIED.”
My bridesminions wore dresses that were clearanced from J.Crew. I gave them the choice of like 10, and oddly they all chose the same one. It wasn’t my doing I SWEAR.
BTW, the point of have bridesmaids/maid of honor is not to “honor” certain people specially, its to have a few people who will help you out on the day of: Field annoying phone calls from lost guests, keep your mom away from you, etc. Believe me, you will need some minions.
…Helping you take a pee. I really wish someone had told me in advance that if you choose a dress with a big, full skirt, it may well be ideal for flouncing in, or doing Scarlett O’Hara impressions, or simply shuggling around whilst going “look at me, I’m all swishy!” (all of which I did on my wedding day), but someone one (in my case actually two someones) will need to hold it out of the way for you while you wee.
Had I known I probably would have still got the same dress, but I could have at least warned my bridesmaids, and I wouldn’t have come as so much of a shock the first time I thought: "Right, I need the loo…hang on…how??!"
Yup! Didn’t happen to me but I’ve heard of it!
I always advise people to choose as bridespeople* the 1-3 people you would want around you in a severe personal crisis, the few people you can trust totally and completely, whose judgement is, in your regard, without fault. You need people whose ONLY answer to “er, can you help me pee” would be an unconditional “OF COURSE.”
*you CAN choose bridesmen, and your husband can have groomswomen if he wants, if those are the people you want beside you.
What Hello Again says - you don’t have to do anything except [ul][li]Get a license []Get a witness []Show up and Say Yes[/ul]All kinds of people are going to try to sell you all kinds of things, under the idea that every wedding has to be a huge, elaborate deal that costs more than a house. No, it doesn’t. [/li]
Do NOT have an open bar. It is expensive, and at least in my family people tend to get drunk. A good half of the problems I have witnessed at weddings were fueled at least in part by alcohol. Beer and wine is fine - when everyone has had one or two, if you run out, fine.
Nobody cares about wedding favors.
Put disposable cameras on the tables at the reception, and have the guests take pictures. This is often more fun than the Official Photos.
We missed half the reception (literally) because we were getting our picture taken in every conceivable permutation. Don’t do that.
Best wishes!
Regards,
Shodan
Big difference between Irish and US wedding cakes.
Irish cakes- dense Christmas style fruitcake, with marzipan and icing, guests given a tiny symbolic piece and actual dessert is served.
My mother made and iced all 3 tiers of mine, baking done months in advance, icing done 48hrs before the wedding. It was lovely.
Cupcakes are a popular option nowadays, and you could easily bake and ice 4 dozen cupcakes in a day if you had to.
Seriously- don’t worry about an open bar. Talk to the venue/caterers about what most people do and do that- it’ll usually be 4 bottles of wine for a table of 8, plus a glass of champagne, and everyone buys their own beer and spirits. Northern Irish licensing laws are a bit archaic, so bringing your own booze to the venue isn’t always an option.
We had a big dinner at a golf club the night before the wedding for the bridal party and close family on both sides, but it wasn’t really a “rehearsal dinner” and wouldn’t be the usual thing here. Many couple go out for drinks with friends the night before the wedding. Don’t feel you have to have a rehearsal dinner if you don’t want to.
Irih weddings tend to be all day affairs- a ceremony sometime between 1130am and 3pm, with receptions going on into the wee small hours.
Be prepared for that- my own reception was apparently still going strong in the resident’s bar of our hotel at 6am- Irishfella and I having excused ourselves about 1am.
Because of this, some people are having breakfasts/brunches the day after the wedding for close friends and extended family- a sort of communal hangover cure.
LOL. Hopefully I’ll be wearing a dress that won’t make that necessary. I really want a simple dress, with straps at the very least or possibly even sleeves so I don’t freeze to death in what passes for summer in NI.
I surfed the web today and found some lovely examples of wedding cupcakes. Honestly I’m not fussed, and if my boyfriend’s mother is horrified by the idea I’ll happily have a cake instead. Cupcakes definitely on my list of “things I do have a small preference for but don’t care strongly about.”
The exact same thing happened to me. I told them I didn’t care about style, colour, anything - just wanted them to be comfortable and like what they wore. They asked me to pick a colour because they wanted to match somewhat, so we all picked a colour together, then they set out individually to buy a dress of that colour and all ended up with the same one. I actually liked their dress better than my own
You can have a small cake to cut for for the photographs and ceremonial purposes and to please your future mother-in-law, and then cupcakes to serve guests to minimize serving fuss and maybe reduce costs.
Thank brings up a good point. With all this talk of weddings, where will your marriage be? Just because you have a wedding in a country does not mean you have to get married there. You will have to consider where you will live and what the laws there are. It’s probably better not to be married in two jurisdictions because of possible complications in the case of divorce. I’m sure it’ll never happen to you, but not filling out two sets of paperwork is easier than doing both. Heck, if you really wanted to, instead of Ireland or Korea, you could probably do the marriage part in a jurisdiction that does not require residency (Nevada, for example).
For my case, we decided not to get married in Korea, although we had a wedding there. Getting married there would mean our children would be Korean citizens–and any sons would have to serve in the military there, if they ever stepped foot into the country. However, our decision was based on the fact that we are resident in the US and do not plan to live Korea any time soon. If you are living there, non-citizen children might be too much of a disadvantage for them.
I know nothing about Irish or EU citizenship laws. You probably don’t need a lawyer, but do some basic research, to find out the ramifications of your marriage (and your children) in all relevant jurisdictions. It might come simply down to cost and convenience.
Uhm. You do know that tips are supposed to be for the staff, right?
Get sleeves added to the dress. Also get a bolero jacket (a sort of midriff jacket) as part of the gown.
I don’t think you have to have a cake, especially not if you don’t really like cake. A nice alternative to cake at my cousin’s wedding was a chocolate fondue fountain. There were tons of fondue-able things like plain donut chunks and LOTS of fruit. It was really innovative, and delicious.
I don’t care much for cake either, if I ever get married I wouldn’t mind having some cheesecake or a nice apple pie, though.