Setting: After a rare recreational indulgence ;), Mr. Armadillo and I walk to Taco Bell for dinner. We peruse the menu for a moment, while Colin our pimply teenage server stares into space.
Mr. Armadillo: I’ll have a somethingsomething
Me: I’d like a number 3-
Immediately behind Colin, someone drops an enormous stainless steel bucket of lettuce shreds with a very loud crash
–without lettuce.
Colin That’s good because… we don’t have any.
Maybe you had to be there…
I like.
I’m not sure hilarious is the word for it, but I had kind of a funny moment while eating out recently.
4 of us, all female arrived and asked to be seated together. We requested a table for 6 or 7, because we hoped more would show up. So we were lead to an 8 person booth. (There were four spaces of bench on each side of the table, and one could get in from either end). We sat in the first four seats. A little bit later, 3 more showed up. This new trio was a husband, a wife, and a baby. They sat at the far end of the booth. The original foursome then slid down a seat so we were all together. A waiter came and asked “Are you ladies ready to order? Oh, and gentleman” as he realized we did have one male figure with us. Our token male siad that he didn’t mind being missed-- after all, he was outnumbered 6 to 1.
Yesterday, while moving a cart in a grocery store parking lot, I actually slipped on a banana peel.
When I saw what it was I’d slipped on, I thought “wow… so those things actually work!”. :o
Wee hours of the moning, wilst wee-ing.
Bathroom door closed.
Then, a furry something reaches under the door, & starts flailing around, wildly!!
My kitty, Jazz, has The Rips, & wants to play. At 3AM.
Dammit Bosda, good thing I know better than to drink while I read the SDMB!
I don’t want to try explaining to the client’s tech guy how my monitor came to get drenched in soda… your kitty caused a very dangerous moment.
Former cow-orker was a bit odd, and stressing out over his mother’s medical problem…she had to have a leg amputated.
For some unknown reason he sent an email to the whole company (~30 people) which I shall paraphrase:
*As you all know my mom has been having problems yada yada, leg amputated, yada, yada.
Good news! My mom is out of the hospital and doing physical therapy at location. This is a big step for her.*
Nobody, but nobody (except the author) missed that one.
Okay, kitty story from some 8 years back. A little bit TMI.
New cat. The first one I’ve ever owned. She’s about two months old, and still getting used to the apartment. Pure white coat (medium length), blue eyes, and no, not deaf in the least.
Litter box is in the bathroom. This is a convenient arrangement for everyone, and little Ophelia took to it instantly without any training. At the moment, however, it’s MY turn to use the litter box. The big white one. Being, other than the cat, alone in the apartment, I think I can be forgiven for not having closed the door all the way. I proceed to relieve myself in a manner generally held to be exclusive to those of us comprising the male gender.
You can see where this is going, can’t you?
Curiosity didn’t kill the cat. Just turned it yellow.
Fortunately Ophilia was so startled by the unintentioned annointment that she stood stock still – just long enough for me to close the bathroom door and prevent her from escaping.
Kitty got her first AND second shower that day.
She was NOT pleased.
The coworker email reminded me of…
I’m a teacher, and we once had a counselor who would remind teachers of upcoming meetings about particular students. She’d always remind us to read through the student’s cum folder before attending the meeting.
No one ever said anything to her…
I only thought of this because the OP menionted Taco Bell. A few years ago I was at (in) a Taco Bell and the drive though person had the window open and the drawer. The wind kicked up and blew all of her twenties (I’d guess about a thousand dollars worth (50 bills) )all over the backroom. It looked like it was snowing twenties.
Today my friend and I were taking the Skytrain home during peak hours.
My friend directed my attention to a tiny asian lady in her late forties or early fifties who was wearing and updo, a navy pantsuit, and… …industrial hearing protection. Big fluorescent orange things, like you wear at the shooting range or when you’re operating heavy equipment.
Oh, how we laughed.
You probably would have had to be there, but the other day me and two of my friends were trying to learn to sew (hilarious in and of itself) when I dropped the cap to my bottled soda. I said’ “hey” to the friend sitting on he couch, and pointed at the one on the floor, engrossed in cutting out a pattern. I gently lifted the cap up with my toes and flung it towards friend on floor. It hit her square on the head, and we died laughing, I couldn’t have done that again if I had tried. Three hours later the targeted friend asked us what had been so funny earlier and I almost wet my pants.
Another instance this moring during post-sex talk with my husband: I was trying to explain how he sometimes made me feel that he had rearraned things inside me after sex. It eventually turned into a comic strip… i.e. One ovary to another after an unexpected visit: “Who is this prick anyway???” My husband is a comic genius! Or…you just had to be there, too.
Not half as interesting…but back forever ago, I was living on a boat in sandusky, ohio…we (my cousin and I) were working on a boat and also restoring the inside of a small trailor that sat near the dock (for those lucky enough to live there year-round…or just have an extra trailor to live in) and it was about 1am…I was refinishing the woodwork in the front of the boat when Tyler (my cousin) asked if I was hungry…
We jumped in the truck and headed to Taco Bell (It just keeps coming up, huh?) and pulled through the drivethru…
I’m sure this is actually only funny because of the paint fumes inside a boat prolly got to us…but…
The lady quickly said “Welcome to McDonalds, May I take your order?” and then said “Oh f*ck, that’s twice in the last hour…ummm…hi, do you want tacos?”
Yeah…we laughed…
I’m recruiting people to do a study on some research that I’ve been doing. I just got the following email back:
My husband and I were out for the weekend last year and stopped at a lovely rural pub. There was a big area out the back for people to eat, etc. There was a large family (possibly two families? Not sure), Mom and Dad and about 6 extrodinarily well behaved kids in ages from about 12 down to arm-babies. So well behaved that my husband and I remarked on it to one another, in fact. Which made what happened all the more hilarious for us and embarrassing for the adults.
One of the adults started a game of I Spy. This went through several rounds, and the older kids were kind enough to let the little ones win, I was impressed. Then…
“I spy with my little eye, something beginning with a P…” The gorgeously well-behaved 4ish little girl piped up with…(Oh, you know this is coming…)
“PENIS!”
Now, I about choked on my food, and couldn’t look hubby in the eye, but it got worse…
The Mom did the right thing, she just said, “Nope, that’s not it, who else has a guess?” But the Dad, trying to be A Good, Reasonable Parent said, “Besides, that’s silly - do you see one of those?”
And the gorgeous, precious 4ish little girl pointed straight at his crotch and said, “I’ve seen one there!” and THEN she pointed at the oldest boy’s crotch (he was about 8ish) and said, “And there, too!”
At which point Mom jumped in and regained control, “Nope, that’s still not it…it rhymes with ‘Rebel’” and another kid got the answer. (Pebble, BTW, there was one of those decorative potted plants with pebbles around the bottom of it.)
And now, I am red in the face, my husband is cough-snorting to keep from totally losing it with laughter (we were the next table over), and the very oldest of the children comes back from the toilet to the table, looks around at Mom and Dad and says, “Are we still playing I Spy?”
A loud, simultaneous…“NO!!!” 
I got up and RAN to the bathroom and laughed until I almost couldn’t breath.
To this day, my hubby and I can just randomly look at one another and say, “Penis!” in an earnest voice, and we crack up.
Cheers,
G
Probably another one of those “you just had to be there” stories, but here it is:
DH and I were visiting his uncle’s home in West Virginia. The front yard was faced by a steep grade with a light pole wayyyyy up there on it. DH and some others were picking apples off the tree in the yard and would occasionally get one that wasn’t ready for eating. Of course, just tossing them wasn’t good enough, so they started throwing them across the street up the mountain. DH hurled one toward the light pole, hoping to see the apple explode against it or bounce off of it. Instead, it hit the pole–and stuck. SOMEhow, he had hit a nail or something with the apple and it stuck!! It struck us all as hilarious, because he could never have done that on purpose–the damn pole was so far away even hitting it was fairly surprising, but getting something to actually STICK there would’ve seemed impossible.
Of course, after that, they all flung apples at the pole to see if they could knock the stuck apple down! No one even came close!
OK, so you did have to be there–but we all thought it was hilarious!
And now for one that JUST happened. After I read the post above mine, then started my own post, I heard my son tell my daughter, “Let’s play ‘I Spy!’”
They’re in the living room now, playing. I’m just waiting for one of them to say, “Penis!”
I’m in the chow line at the rescue mission one evening. The guy in front of me asks the server how the food is tonight. The server replies, “It beats getting poked in the eye with a sharp stick.” Then he looks past me and sees that the guy in line behind me is wearing an eyepatch. The server gets flusterd and starts to apologize profusely. Meanwhile, the guy behind me is barely able to say there’s no offense taken because he’s laughing at the server’s embarassment, as are the rest of us.
9:30 pm. My (previously sleeping) 2 year old calls me from her bedroom. I go to offer my assistance.
Me: What’s wrong?
Tot: I’m just really sad.
Me: I’m sorry - here I’ll pat your back.
Tot: I want you to get in bed with me.
Me: No, but I’ll stay with you for a while.
Tot: I took off my diaper.
Me: So you did.
Tot: Yeah, and I peed on my blankie!
I just don’t think her priorities line up with mine!
I was standing outside of the office building when a butterfly started flitting around me.
I spoke up, “Hey! Do I look like a bush to you? Do you see any flowers on me? Go away, you bother me!”
The butterfly flits around my face now.
“Don’t go away mad, just go away!”
The butterfly flits away and I turn to go back into the building.
My boss is right behind me! He says, “Well that’s showing him who’s in charge!”
