Randomly hilarious moments

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

In college one afternoon, a group of half a dozen or so are gathered in the common area of our suite. A few people are watching TV, one is playing a video game on another TV, and several of us are pretending to do homework, but are actually criticising the video game player.

The TV watchers find some special edition Jeopardy for elementary school kids, and we start watching (and playing along, like you always do with Jeopardy). It turns out that little kid Jeopardy isn’t much easier for us than the real show, simply because plenty of the questions relate to children’s pop-culture and literature that we just don’t know. But we’re having fun making up questions anyway.

And, then, comes the fateful answer

and Stephen, over on the end of the couch, shouts out “Jesus!”

42

There was a guy who worked in our office who was an Great Big Pain in the Ass. He asked to get some time off for an operation, but wouldn’t tell us what. We found out it was for hemmoroids, and the proctologist was Dr. White. My Big Boss also knew a Dr. White with a different specialty.

One day I’m in the BB’s office and the phone rings. He puts it on speaker and has the following conversation:

Phone: Hello is {Pain In The Ass} there.
BB: No, he’s not here, maybe I can help you.
Phone: Tell him to call Dr. White’s office.
BB: Is that Dr. White the veternarian?

43

That’s what confused us. If Meatloaf was a group, we might’ve understood what she was talking about sooner, (or maybe not). We couldn’t believe she didn’t have a clue who or what Meatloaf is.

44

I’ve told this story on the boards before, but hey, it’s a good one. Why not tell it again?

One time, in my college years, I found myself in a car with about 10 other guys. In the front were two bucket seats. There was the driver, of course, then I was in the passenger seat, with a third guy sort of perched on the center console trying to avoid the gear shifter. The back had a bench seat designed for three people. Well, there were four guys crammed in there with a fifth laying across their legs with his feet sticking out the window. Behind them (this was a largish hatchback) were two or three more guys in the cargo area. And on the back of the car was one guy’s bike on a bike rack.

So, we’re driving around like this and pull up to a red light. Another car pulls up next to us, and the guys inside stare at us and laugh. Eventually, the driver rolls his window down and yells, “What, only one bike?” In one of those perfect spontaneous moments, I yelled back, “Yeah, you should see us on THAT!” And at that exact instant, the light turned green and we drove off, leaving everyone in the other car laughing their heads off.

45

I didn’t need to be there, but maybe that’s because I’m easilly amused

46

Last summer we had a family picnic/BBQ at my younger brother’s house. After we ate, most of the men and all the children headed off to a fire pit located in the back of my brother’s backyard. The group of about 12 kids stood by watching my brother start a fire when he asked the kids if they knew any campfire songs. A few suggestions were brought up when Jason, my cousin Lisa’s six year old son, burst forth with his suggestion. Up to this point Jason has been extremely quiet and shy around everyone which made this even more surprising.

“I beat my meat on the way to school, I beat my beat with a tool”

For about 15 minutes it was nothing but side splitting laughter by all present.

47

When my son first learned to count, he counted everything, verbally. One day my husband and I were watching TV while my son was in the floor playing with toys.
My husband let out a very loud fart. My son, continuing to play with the toys and without looking up said, “one”.

48

Ivygirl has a huge crush on Daniel Radcliffe. We were surfing through the on-air guide on the TV and we see one of the movie channels is showing Prisoner of Azkaban. Ivygirl immediately jumps up and starts squealing in that way only 14 year old girls know how to do, pointing at the TV and jumping up and down.

I say, “Ivygirl, use your words, honey.”

My son, who is standing nearby, starts laughing hysterically. He goes from standing upright, to leaning forward, to bent double, and then his knees give way and he’s laying on the floor.

49

My husband and I were waiting for some friends at the Olive Garden. Not the greatest place, but the only place about in-between the two of our homes with something everyone could order without upsetting tummies/ruining diets/feeling competely repulsed. Anyway, as usual, it was quite crowded, and we were given our little light up UFO dealie to tell us when to be seated. We sat down and waited for our friends to arrive and for our turn to be seated to come up.

Three teenage girls walk in. All with long, straight, blonde hair, orange tans, super skinny, wearing tank tops and sparkling jeans, makeup just so, long, air brushed fingernails, microscopic purses, and that utterly, desperately *bored *look on their faces. They look around, not saying a word, and looking rather vacant and lost. They don’t approach the counter, and don’t respond when the maitre d’ tries to get their attention. I turned to my husband.

“The Hilton sisters have arrived.”

He burst into uncontrollable laughter. When he finally got it under control, he responds: “I give you a 9 for humour. That was pretty funny. However, I give you only a 2 for originality, since you knew we were *all *thinking it.”

50

On our tenth anniversary, we were travelling along a winding back road going to one of the finest restaurants in the area (l’Auberge Chez François, for DC area folks). Going around a corner, a car coming the other direction lost control and plowed head-on into us.

The expected screaming, screeching brakes, and tearing metal sounds ensued. When we realized we were alive, and confirmed that the guys in the other car were likewise alive, we naturally got a bit hysterical with relief and babbled that we’d been on the way to celebrate our 10th anniversary.

The driver of the other car said “So, what do you give for the 10th anniversary?”. My spouse replied “Uh, bent metal”.

Shortly afterward, when the police arrived and were filling out the assorted reports, I asked my husband, loudly, “So how are you going to explain this to your wife???”. Had to 'splain that rather quickly, as apparently the policeman didn’t have a sense of humor :eek: :wink:

What's the most "Sit-Com-y" thing to happen to you?
51

In junior high, I was quite a model builder as were my friends. There is a color of paint that testors made called “rubber.” It was the not quite jet black of an inner tube and was for tires and such.

One day, two of my friends were going home on the bus and one of them was talking about a little model kit of a couple of marines rowing a little dinghy. A little later inthe conversation, the other friend mentions that he has the color “rubber.” at that point the first guy says excitedly, “Oh man! I could have used your rubber on my dinghy!”

Not the kind of thing you want to say loudly in a bus full of 12 year olds.

52

Oh, Mama, that was very naughty of you. :wink: I’m sorry your anniversary was ruined.

53

This, I love.

54

Normally when I dream it’s nightmares. Bloody, violent, disturbing nightmares.

Well, one was starting this morning, while I was asleep. The first scene was as follows:

Scene - little girl’s bedroom, it’s night out, and GIRL is crying, obviously upset from something

GIRL: Mooommmmy!

Enter MOTHER

MOTHER: What’s wrong, honey?

GIRL: (Points behind MOTHER.) Why did you cut off the ghosts’ feet?

MOTHER: (turns around, see something offscreen - SCREAMS wordlessly)

I don’t know what she saw, nor do I want to know what she saw. (It may have been my dream, but I don’t have to look too closely at it, dammit.) But the idea of being scared because the ghosts were footless struck me as very, very silly.

So I did something I’d never done before: I woke up laughing.

55

A bunch of us were sitting around watching an episode of ST:TNG. In the episode, Picard had been kidnapped and was locked in a room with a bunch of different aliens (one of whom was a blue female, with a vertical seam down her face). At one point, one of the characters starts pointing to the others going, “You’re a ______” (naming off whatever the alien was), when he got to the blue one, I shouted out, “You’re a slit!” All of us immediately started rolling around the floor in hysterics.

Another time, we were all tripping on mushrooms or acid (I forget which) and decided that we had to watch a movie (needing the visual simulation and all), but we didn’t have a VCR or TV, so we went to our next door neighbors place. He was about 6’4", 350+ lbs, looked like Rip Taylor, and was a flaming queen nicknamed “Bingo.” The only movie had was a gay porno called GI Mac, which was about a gay platoon in Vietnam and looked like it was filmed in the conference room of a Motel 6 in Folded Sky, Montana. Bingo put the movie in and said, “This is a wonderful film. They really capture all of the emotion.” The first scene is of a couple guys going at it on a cot surrounded by surrealistic barbed wire, one of the guys with us says, “I can definately see the emotion in that scene. That is definately someone fucking somebody up the ass.”

Then, one time, after some very hot and steamy monkey sex, I’m laying back, enjoying the glow, when the lovely lady I was with (who was familiar with my screenname [which is the same on almost every board I post to and part of my email addy]) looked at me and said, “Are you all tuckered out?” Both of us burst into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

56

Oh, if we can include chemically-enhanced hilarity…

One time, many many years ago, we were all sitting around on acid, and the grandparents of one of my roommates came over for a surprise weekend visit. This quickly corralled four of us psychonauts who didn’t absolutely have to deal with them into my (really rather small) bedroom to listen to some tunes.

It was already a bit cramped, as there was only one real chair (a big ugly recliner) – but it got a bit crazier when one of my other roomie’s work buddies showed up, with a pretty peculiar older fella whom we’d never met in tow. They were both pretty drunk, and boisterous by nature, which is a little disconcerting when you’re on acid. So now there are six people jammed into a space that’s set up for one freak. (Here is a contemporaneous drawing of my old room which, while not exactly architectural, may convey a little of how claustrophobic it was.)

To accomodate the newcomers, three of us heads were on the bed, because nobody wanted be squeezed up too close with the drunk guys. One more head sat on one of the huge cabinet speakers pictured, work buddy got the other speaker, and the peculiar fella got the big white naugahyde easy chair. Dear god, it was ugly. You can just see one arm of it on the left hand side of the illustration, which is a mercy.

Anyway, if you will excuse the long set-up, this situation led to two memorable moments of hilarity:

One: Crazy Dave, sitting in the easy chair, rolled a joint – which he then lost, and could not find. He got down on his hands and knees, looked in the chair, under the chair, under the bed, all over the place, and began to cry “What the fuck?” Then, in this tiny little room filled up with elbow-to-elbow acid-heads, he lifted the enormous 1960s-stylee crazy-solid recliner over his head upside-down and shook it in an attempt to shake the lost joint out of it. :eek: (It turned out he’d absent-mindedly put it in his shirt pocket.)

Two: Peculiar Fella tells us, in all earnestness, about the time he saw Jimi Hendrix open for the Monkees when he was living down south in the late sixties, and how “The Monkees were awesome!”

n.b – Head is a feckin’ fantastic album (and film) from that period, and I have no doubt that what the fella had said was God’s Own Truth, but the way he gushed about the Monkees and completely dismissed Hendrix was – surreal, especially under the circumstances.

57

Well why not? The OP started out that way :wink:

58

Doh! You’d think I smoked a half-ounce of weed a week for ten years, or something. :o

59

Yesterday afternoon at an outdoor bar we watched a couple sitting on chairs on the lawn. They seemed to be drinking a Bloody Mary every 10 minutes and slowly and drunkenly working their way from sitting in the chairs to sitting on the lawn. At one point the wife came in to get more drinks and somebody looked out the window and said, “Hey, your husband just passed out.” Sure enough he was laying flat out on his back, arms spread (but still holding his drink upright).

She said, 'Eh, it’s alright. He’s lying face up."

60

Heh. I am still internally giggling about the perfect comic timing of everyone involved.