Yeah, that happened to my fiance, and is the reason he was already married and divorced (no kids, thank Og) by the time we met. TNWPsycho, the fact that you’ve had sex with your girlfriend doesn’t obligate you to marry her, nor does it mean that either you or her are “ruined” for other relationships.
More than anything else, it’s your trust issues that are raising a big red flag for me. You don’t entirely believe your girlfriend when she says she hasn’t cheated and when she tells you why she and her ex-husband got divorced. Why not? More importantly, why would you marry someone you don’t trust to tell you the truth about these very important issues?
Another thought for the OP: Project yourself 30 years into the future. You’ve married and enjoyed a nice life with this woman. Unfortunately, she is killed in a terrible car accident. (Probably punishment from god for not keeping her virginity until marriage.) A couple years later, you decide that the loneliness is simply unteneble and you get back out there and start dating again. Only now, you are 50, not 20.
Do you still expect your second wife to be a virgin? Why? Would you be skeeved out if your new 50-year-old second wife has children and grandchildren from her previous marriage?
This to me sounds like you posted here looking for people to say ‘nah dude don’t worry about it - go ahead, get married!’ and instead got a lot of ‘whoa dude, hold the phone. Been there, know what its like, trust in our collective experience’.
So if you have made up your mind, I doubt anything that anything anyone here says will change your mind. I mean, why would they? They are not you, they don’t know your g/f, they dont know your situation, etc, etc - all the instinctive defensive thoughts. Therefore, I can only wish you the best of luck and hope you prove us all wrong (I include myself in the chorus of saying the real problem is your jealousy of her life experiences that she has been through without you).
I think you mean “stereotype”. “Typecasting” refers to acting, usually.
Likewise, you shouldn’t be stereotyping HER, just because she’s more experienced sexually than you. We’re not judging you by your age, but the facts that you’ve given us, and the situation. And to be perfectly blunt, you’ve got some SERIOUS issues you need to work out before you even about marriage – no matter HOW financially stable you are.
(I hate it when people ask for advice and get pissy because someone tells them something they don’t want to hear! Then don’t post in the first place!)
If you were the one with 4 sex partners, wouldn’t you want her to get past that? You’d tell her that you had tried the glass slipper on four ladies’ feet, until she was a perfect fit.
I’d suggest that you pee on her. This way not only have you one-up’ed your competition, but you’ve left an indelible mark on her that her next boyfriend won’t be able to take his mind off of.
No, but seriously, I had the same issues with my girlfriend when we were spending time apart a few years ago. Once you’re cohabiting, I assure you, the jealousy quickly dissipates. And once you get past that you can experience the wonderful brooding resentment phase
I had a similar experience. Forgive me for not reading all the responses but I felt the need to share and hopefully be helpful. I was 19 met a woman 25 with 2 kids. I lost my virginity to her. (sound familiar) Fell in love we were both happy. The how many people question came up and she told me 6. It bothered me and I tried to let it go. My jealousy got the better of me and I let it ruin our relationship. 20 years later we are separated and I consider her to be my biggest mistake. Not that we met, married or undeniably headed for divorce. But that I let it bother my male ego and ruin our relationship. She worshiped me and wanted to be with me. She told me they were mistakes. She did the best she could to soothe me but I was young and unwise. If you are with her and love her and she genuinely loves you. Then let it go. Its no big deal. If you pursue it it can break you apart. Trust me it tore us both apart and I still hurt about it.
