I guess some people want specific examples of resentment from my friends and how they’re fuckups. I was intentionally keeping it vague since if not, I would have to provide context which could sound like I’m further shittalking my friends (though I already called them fuckups) while tooting my own own horn. But because some people are skeptical, I’ll try provide some context.
Why I called my friends “fuckups”
Friend 1 was kicked out a reputable college because what was essentially fraud in his application. It was his mom’s idea, and that’s probably the main reason I’ve cut him a lot of slack in term of that, but in the end, he knew what was up and he was the one benefiting from the fraud. To his credit he’s owned up to it. After a few in years in the army, he started attending a for-profit college that is teetering on bankruptcy, his tuition and living costs payed for by educational funding for vets.
Friend 2 dropped out of a not-particularly-reputable school after the dept of his major closed its doors. He joined the Navy, and quit two weeks into basic training. For half a decade after that he lived with his wealthy parents, not working and not really looking for work. Then, by the virtue of his charm and perhaps his background, he got married. Now he is working at an office job that his in-laws set up for him.
So I suppose the next question might be “well what have you done that’s so great?” Well, I’m not going to pretend I’m the president of the universe or something, but objectively speaking, I have done more to further my career prospects than my two friends. I graduated from college, worked an office job for a bit, then got accepted to a first-tier law school from which I very recently graduated. But as I mentioned, I am “struggling” in that I am not employed mostly due to my poor academic performance in law school and also the legal job market somewhat. As people are eager to point out, the job market for lawyers has not been great, and I knew that coming into law school and I took the risk. And I don’t blame anyone else for where I am right now.
Their “resentment”
So generally, when I tell them about an achievement, progress, etc. they do not respond positively. At best, a very forced “good for you I guess” or more often they’ll change the subject. Never congratulations. So as mentioned earlier, I mostly don’t tell them this stuff any more.
Of course some of you will assume it’s because I am bragging and they’ve had enough of that shit or something along those lines, and to be honest I don’t have the writing skills necessary to better describe the nuisances of these interactions to show that is not the case. So if you want to assume they react that way because I’m a braggart, so be it.
If I fuck up, or something bad happens, their reaction tends to be more positive. Of course they’re not going to expressly say that they’re glad bad things happen to me, but many times their tone betrays them. At best, their reaction is along the lines of “sucks for you I guess,” or “hey at least you’re in law school.”
In one memorable instance, when I told Friend 2 that my SO of two years broke up with me, his initial response was laughter and a sort of gleeful and condescending joke. When I called him out, he caught himself. Friend 1 was more sympathetic and I was and am grateful. But if in terms of academic/career setbacks, Friend 1’s reaction is usually “at least you’re in law school.” I can’t turn to these guys when I’m having a hard time (career-wise especially) because they offer no support. But I guess that’s not the worst thing in the world and I understand where they’re coming from.
Anyway, if you still think I’m an arrogant shitbag who thinks he’s better than his friends, then I don’t think I can really convince you otherwise. But even if you think I’m a shitbag, my point still stands that my friends don’t want me to see me succeed.
This turned out less coherent than I hoped. Oh well.