Rant, Write, and Boo (July Mini-Rants)

Continuing the discussion from Blue June… (Monthly Mini-Rants):

We have a trip planned to visit my in-laws near Las Vegas the first week of September. We’ve been watching plane ticket prices, as they’ve been going up and down rapidly like a rollercoaster. They finally hit the first major dip we’ve seen of late, and so I went to get tickets.

I don’t think I’ve seen ticket prices so complicated. You have main, comfort, and first class. Well, I want main, I’m trying to save money. Main basic, classic, or premium? WTF? The “basic” one means I can’t even pick a seat and I get assigned one when I get my boarding pass. I’ll spend extra for “classic”. Now pick my seat. Every seat that isn’t a middle seat is an extra $15. Holy shit people. Okay, looking carefully, if I go back enough in the plane I can get a window seat without an extra charge.

I’ve never felt like I’m filing my taxes when getting a plane ticket before. And it hasn’t even been that long; maybe a year ago. Now I worry what it’s going to be like of I have to fly again next year…

Brilliant title.

While the expense absolutely sucks, I will only fly first class anymore. I’m 6’3" with big feet. I just don’t fit in economy. My vacation starts as soon as we back away from the gate. Screw it.

But Main basic, classic, or premium? WTF indeed. “Let’s just rename everything, and confuse the fuck out of the system and anyone trying to purchase a ticket”

Is this a “Marketing 101 class?”

I don’t get it …

So you’re telling us you’re on the birds’ … wait for it … shit list? :grin:

It mostly makes sense to Americans. July is the month with USA’s Independence Day celebrations on the fourth. Where everything is festooned in red, white, and blue. And even in non-trumply times, overweening patriotism & decorations are the order of the day month.

“Rant, Write, and Boo” is a play on “Red, white, and blue”.

Broadly speaking, the economy “main” cabin of typical domestic airliners has a few rows at the front that have the same 6-abreast seats, but a couple inches more legroom. Works well for taller, but not wider, people. That’s “premium economy”, “main cabin extra”, etc.

Airlines like Frontier and the late unlamented Spirit invented ultra cheap fares but where everything, including carryon luggage and picking your own seat costs extra. Gives a really great headline price but once you add “fries with that” it adds up to almost the same price as The Other Guys.

In response to Frontier, Spirit, et al, the majors began offering “basic economy” or similar names. Which is the ordinary coach seats, so much nicer seats with more legroom than on Frontier, but the same no-frills, everything costs extra al la carte approach to pricing. That way they appear competitively priced w Frontier when folks are searching flights on Expedia, TripAdvisor, Kayak, etc. The majors would love for that category of fares to go away. The recent death of Spirit is a promising omen in that direction.

Which leaves “classic” or similar names for the ordinary middle-of-the-road coach seating & included amenities.


As to “first class” and especially US domestic “first class” …

At least domestically, the front few rows with 4-abreast on narrowbodies and lots of legroom have not been called “First class” for about 30 years now. That’s “business class”. Why? Because in the 1990s there was a corporate fashion to not allow their employees to book “first class”. Sounded like wasting valuable shareholder profits on luxo perks for the execs and middle managers. No more “first class” for them.

So all the airlines almost instantly rebranded the same product either “business class” or “premium class”. Problem solved. The execs and frequent fliers and middle managers on expense accounts still sit up front, the shareholders and Wall Street analysts went away happy that they’d wrung more profit out of the company’s employees, and everybody won. Or thought they did.


Long haul international flights on US carriers and both short- and long-haul on non-US carriers’ practices are different yet again and more complex.

For example, last week I rode transatlantic on an Air France 777. There are 4 distinct levels of physical seating arrangement and doubtless about 2 dozen different fare categories for those seats: Seat map of Air France Boeing 777-300ER aircraft.

For anyone buying any air travel on any carrier, this website is a very valuable resources to separate the fare mumbo jumbo from the actual physical seating arrangements.

Ah.. even I should’ve got that ! :person_facepalming:

I absolutely am! Last summer, until it was finally washed off by a heavy rainfall, I had a big smear of bird shit on one of the back windows of the house. Now this window, like most house windows, is vertical, and underneath a roof overhang. The only way a bird could have shit on it is if a particularly athletic bird had been nominated by the evil avian crowd to dive-bomb my window, swooping in and releasing its load at just the right moment as it perilously veered away.

I’ve just been sitting out on the porch before the day gets too hot (it will be 34°C today – that’s about 93 American Ferrets, and even hotter tomorrow) and the chair was still free of bird shit, but really, I should always wear a hat while I’m out there. I don’t understand why the little beasts have declared aerial warfare on me, but I should protect myself.

Thanks @LSLGuy . I’m a little out of touch with all that. My Wife does all of our trip planning. That’s just the way it worked out, and she seems to enjoy it, so ‘have at it’.

I do things, she does things. Go with your strengths is how I see it.

Now I off to fix our sliding glass door :neutral_face: I’d rather plan vacations, oh well.

Do you wish to be inside or outside the cabin?

Birds can perch on nearly nothing. I assume your porch is covered but not screened.

I’m sitting at an outdoor breakfast place right now. Unsurprisingly there are a bunch of various species of birds hanging around. They love the crumbs and sometimes snag stuff right off plates. There’s a grackle about 5 feet away eyeing me coldly; it desperately wants to eat my leftovers but I keep shoo-ing it off.

The species whose feet are designed for walking are standing on the ground. The ones whose feet are designed for perching are all perched on the backs of chairs. Which means when they fly away, and reflexively empty their bowels, it either falls behind the chair back, or onto the chair back or seat.

Your chairs are the best perches there in the plentiful shade of your porch roof. Bird heaven. Decent bet all your neighbors have the same problem.

Both birds and squirrels love our porch. They can get out of the sun or rain (I’ve seen wrens and finches hanging out on the porch during downpours), and the squirrels even try to hide nuts behind the furniture. I have to bring the chair cushions in about four times a year due to avian assaults - not just poop, but plain old dirt from them hopping around on the chairs.

This BS is why I used to love Southwest: one class of seats, choose your own seat when you board, two free checked bags. And no penalty for changing or canceling flights. There were three categories of fare based on refund options, but I was almost always able to buy the lowest fare, unless it happened to be sold out on that particular flight. And I almost always got into boarding Group 1 (having a SW credit card helped), so I could usually snag an exit row seat (poor man’s first class, as I called it) for which there was no extra charge.

Then they decided to be just like all the other airlines, and buying a SW ticket is just like what you described. The published fare is bait and switch unless you have no luggage. A 50-year tradition of being different from all other airlines down the tubes.

And the flight attendants don’t make humorous announcements any more, either.

IMO that sounds horrible. How do you prevent waiting on line an hour early just to guarantee you don’t get a middle seat? Any time I’ve ever had to wait for something that was first-come first-served, unless you got there super early you typically were screwed.

Your place in line is based on when you check in. Not when you start standing near the gate. Check-in begins at 24 hours before scheduled departure time. And yes, there were 3rd party sniping services to do that for you in the first few seconds.

They also have / had a feature where high status frequent fliers were automatically in the first few checkins.

That disappeared several years ago.

I used to make an annual pilgrimage to Las Vegas from Chicago, and Southwest had always been my airline of choice for the exact reasons you said. Also, when traveling with my wife they were extremely accommodating with her scooter; in addition to letting us board first she was able to drive right to the door of the plane, and then the scooter was delivered there when we reached out destination. Once or twice after we got settled into our seats we got to see the scooter being driven to the baggage section.

Is that the Nancy Sinatra warbler?

Ah, OK that makes much more sense than choosing a seat when you board, which sounds like a free-for-all nightmare.