Have him install an electronic lock to the lid. The lock is defeated by pressing a button at the end of a cord. Then you step on the pedal to open the can (or ask the cat to do it for you).
Pretty sure Bob wouldn’t be able to operate that one alone.
Was that supposed to be Samuel L. Jackson? Because I totally heard it with Samuel L. Jackson’s voice.
Well played, sir.
Not enough “motherfuckers.” 
Update on my stepdaughter’s kitty: We finally managed to get the cat spayed (also given a rabies shot, treated for an abcess, and treated for tapeworm). She has been living in my daughter’s room for about a week now, and it’s time for her to go. The bad news is that we’ve really fallen for her…she’s so affectionate, and small, and quiet…really a remarkable cat. I think anyone would be lucky to have an indoor cat such as this. However, the other bad news is that we haven’t been able to find her an indoor home. The best I can do is give her to a lady who is willing to support another barn cat.
Anyone near Gainesville want this wonderful little creature? PM me quick!
My daughter has named her Dalí because her mustache resembles the artist’s. 
I didn’t say it was Samuel L. Jackson in a Tarantino movie
Dung Beetle, are there any cat rescue groups in your area? If so, they might take her. Many of them foster cats until they can find them homes. That’s how I got my two cats; they were taken by a rescue group and fostered for almost three months (so they could find a home that would take both of them). They went to “adoption events” on weekends and had their pictures on Petfinders. If you could find a group like that I’m sure your kitty would find a nice indoor home. Good luck.
Thank you - it’s Monday morning and I needed a giggle. Much appreciated!
I turn 30 today. I woke up at 12am with an overwhelming compulsion to declutter my bedroom closet. I was wide awake for two hours thinking about this. For some reason I have this sudden compulsion to declutter and give away like half of the crap I own. It’s like bordering on obsession at this point. Woke up at 5:45 and my eyes are red-rimmed and bloodshot.
I also had a major headache, which I still have (I’m getting used to them. Apparently it’s from teeth grinding and I’m waiting on a mouthguard.)
And… it’s Monday! Who wouldn’t want to have a birthday on Monday?
I’m not really in a bad mood, I just want a little attention because I’m old now and not really sure what to do with myself.
happy birthday to yooooooo
happy birthday to yooooooo
happy birthday dear olives,
happy birthday to yooooo!
Happy birthday, dear. Take Excedrin Migraine. I find they work the best of the pain relievers. Donuts are also good. If not for headaches than for cheering up.
Stupid cat jumped up on my keyboard this morning and spilled coke all over it. He now needs a bath and so does the keyboard.
Yup. That sounds like an engineer.
Now that’s some engineer pandering, that is.
And nobody warns you until you’ve already moved. I thought I was immune and was told to wait three years. The third year was when it got me.
The good news is that if you move away, they’ll probably vanish. Or lessen.
Drunk Drivers…
My husband lost a good work buddy this weekend in a drunk driving accident. Seven people in two cars, three are dead. All under the age of 24.
As mentioned up thread Tupperware Midgets are excellent, but another cheaper solution (free if you can get one!) is a little lab sample jar. The sterile ones they give you to pee or cough into. They don’t leak and are sterile to start with. Also, you get some interesting looks pouring dressing from it onto your food. People tend not to help themselves to the contents either. 
“Lemonade? What happened to my culture of amoebic dysentery?”
My husband and son decided to do something “nice” for me yesterday.
And really, it was.
They made a hot oil fondue for brunch. It was lovely, we had a good time. But I have been having headaches lately and I ended up going for a nap as soon as it was finished. Then husband went to work. I spent evening on the couch watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the good one, with Gene Wilder) with my son. Went to bed at 8pm. Husband home at 10 pm and I hung out with him for a bit, and made a stir fry with some leftovers.
At no time did the mess from yesterday get dealt with so today on my day off I am cleaning a big old oily mess.
I would say it takes the shine off their good dead but EVERYTHING is shiny… Lots of degreaser being used today.
Thanks. 
Oh my, how tragic. My thoughts are with you and your husband.
[Bolding and sizing mine]
I believe you just slipped on your Freud.
Yeah but his point was, which I agree with, never do anything just for the sake of tradition, especially not cruel things. This is not tradition. This is just general assholishness.
Thank you… I still have some irons in the fire, so hopefully it won’t come to that.