Hee hee. Ooops.
Pit myself: GO THE F**K TO SLEEP!
Want the simple solution? Turn the trashcan so the pedal is against the wall. You can stand beside it and use your foot between the wall and the can and still use it but the cats will be less likely to jump on it.
Signed “Owner of a dog that likes to open the trash”
Woman sits down next to me on the bus. Begins texting a friend. Is in really huge text on her phone. How could I miss it?
“Don’t nobody know me in Costa Rica”
Goes on to say about how all her friends with her were with their husbands, so nobody missed her slipping out on her man for a little fun on the side, and the excuses she gave him. Then about how she is hoping to convince him to move there with her.
Then she apparently noticed me looking out of the corner of my eye and the text size suddenly got so small that even she had problems reading it. 
Because you know, she couldn’t just stop texting!
If you think 30’s old, you must think I’m ancient :D. (I’m 43.)
Hope the headache calms down soon and the closet campaign goes well.
Happy birthday!
I’m trying to think of an appropriate curse for all the idiots who don’t clean the snow off their cars after a snowfall and go driving down the road, creating a white-out for people trying to drive behind them. Cataracts, maybe (because they make it so difficult for others to see)? Intense rectal itch? Bedbugs? Intense rectal bedbugs?
Snowball suppositories.
Happy birthday!
Perhaps the universe is preparing you for a move?
Oh, yeah, March4th… I never put that together, didn’t even know it was a date-- always pictured a parade of veggies where the olives march in fourth place.
Everyone bailed on my birthday dinner, then my beloved spouse didn’t show up for the rescheduled dinner so everyone decided they had somewhere else to be … so I know the feeling. Spent my 20th anniversary stood up in a restaurant, too.
Oh, well, took myself out for tasty homemade hash at a local greasy spoon… yum. Raised a forkful as a toast to Olives!
I hate it when I want to load the dishwasher and someone’s left their food in the dish instead of putting it in the trash.
I pit myself for forgetting to buy headphones.
I hate this fucking weather. Freeze or thaw pick one motherfuckeeeerrr!!! Fuck you weather.
I had a run of birthdays where we got a huge winter storm on my birthday for a couple of years. One year, my husband got home at 10 pm, after spending six hours in his car trying to get home from work and finally abandoning his car and walking the last hour home!
So, happy belated birthday to you too, Digs? 
My god damn IUD fell out Saturday.
Thanks! Turned out better.
My daughter came through on a belated birthday snack (and a beer!), where I finally got to open my presents (seriously, didn’t seem right to open them by myself, so they just sat there-- awwwwwkward!)
We got an Olivesmarch4th storm, and we’re digging out. So you’re not alone on the Big Blizzard Birthday Club.
Well, at least that is better than a vaginal prolapse …
… or snowball suppositories.
The only birthday blizzard I want is one from Dairy Queen.
I want to know what happened to the early Spring the groundhog predicted? It’s snowing hard right now, and we could get anywhere from 4-18 inches of snow depending on which Chicken Little weather guy you listen to. Stop snowing, dammit!
I can feel my monthly migraine coming on, and I haven’t even looked at my schoolwork for today. Ugh.
Well, shit.
Cats don’t love. They tolerate your servitude. 
My family, the WrySenseofHumors, have decided that funerals are now called family reunions because that’s the only time we all get together these days.
My minirant is that I did not order my PMS with a side of depression this month, yet that is how it came. Also, the key part of PMS is the P, meaning “pre.” Not the day my freaking cycle starts! :mad: Body, do we need to have a talk?
I’m with Dr. Girlfriend because then I don’t have to get out the boots and shovel. Boringville, Indiana is currently getting snow until midnight.