I don’t believe anybody ever suggests that men who are raped are “damaged goods” as is implied to a lot of women, maybe all of them.
I disagree. I’ve heard sniggering comments that any man who “lets” himself be raped must be a homosexual (implications of being a passive, effeminate “bottom”). I’ve heard men declare they’d fight to the death rather than be raped, or they’d kill themselves before “allowing” it to happen. The idea being that a man who is raped is no longer a man.
The problem with that attitude is that several men sitting on one man while he’s being raped will effectively prevent him from either fighting back or commiting suicide.
For a lot of men, the “I would rather die” option doesn’t expire when the event happened. Being a woman of self perceived low worth is harmful. The perception that you are not a man is not less harmful.
Tris
Not true. I’ve been raped (twice), and the idea has come up more than once in people who hear about it. Not to my face, but to other friends.
Actually, I was more or less in the catsix camp as far as my feelings go, although current therapy for depression is showing me that there are some aspects of it that go fairly deep in the psyche i.e. I’m not completely “over it”, but I’ve got a good therapist and she’s not pushing the “damaged goods” angle. Actually, it seems to mostly be anger issues I still have to deal with, rather than guilt or sexual problems. You could think that’s a difference between men’s and women’s reactions, but I’m more inclined to think it’s got to do with the fact that as an adult, I’ve always been open and upfront about the experiences with my friends, and willing to talk about it.
I’m just fine sexually, TYVM.
I have never been raped. I have known several women who were raped and/or sexually assaulted (by which, I take to mean, they were forced to do or participate in a sexual act).
The reaction to rape is individual. Period. Each rape is individual. Period. Some rapes are brutally violent. Some are coerced under implied threat. Some of the rapists are sadists. Some are merely out to get their rocks off. Some of the victims are resilient. Some are fragile. Some recover in short time. Others stumble over their trauma every time they turn around.
Just as it is moronic to tell a victim that they must be horrifically damaged by their rape, it is also moronic to say it was no big deal, and they should shrug it off. I believe the claim that all women only suffer greatly because they have been trained to expect to suffer greatly is ludicrous and denies the very real pain some women endure after being raped. I believe telling a rape victim that she must be suffering greatly is just as ludicrous. Only the survivor can accurately gauge how bad the damage is.
We have no good way to assess the psychological damage done to an individual by rape. We are only just coming to understand the mechanics of traumatic incidents and the way the brain responds to them. Rape is certainly deserving of a sub-heading under general psychological trauma.
Specific to that, I believe, is that too few people really understand how their bodies react to specific stimuli. The sex act may be forced, but the body - both male and female - might respond to the stimulus of intercourse and react as it normally would, no matter what the thought processes of the victim are. Unconscious physical enjoyment is not consent. I don’t know of any cases where the victim’s physical reaction was used against her, but I wouldn’t be surprised to hear of any. After all, it’s plausible that a male rape victim could be denied because he maintained an erection through non-consensual sex.
I would expect that paradox, of physical reaction without consent, to be very stressful and aggravating to a victim’s state of mind. Adding to that, the complications it may add to the legal side of the event, I can see where many victims find themselves even more traumatized than they were to begin with.
Because, while all physical assaults carry with them some chance of harm and psychological trauma, sexual assault also carries with it the following:
- the chance of an unwanted pregnancy
- the chance of a sexually transmitted disease
- the betrayal of trust one once placed in another person (most rapes are committed by acquaintances and/or friends)
- the recreation of an act that carries heavy connotations of love and intimacy in a context of violence, coercion, and betrayal
- the utter intimacy of penetration
- the inevitable loss of control over one’s physical body and its boundaries
Any “regular” assault can bring up feelings of betrayal, of loss, and of fear. But not all assaults carry with them the absolute loss of control over one’s own body. Someone hits you. That sucks, but most of us have been hit once or twice in our lives, and our faces, our arms, our stomachs, are all out there in the public world. People bump into them, brush them, and so forth every day.
Our vaginas, anuses, and penises are not out there for casual contact on an every day basis. In almost every other human interaction, we have the final say over what we do with our most private anatomy. The act of sex is considered the most private interaction two people can have. The steps leading up to it are intricate and emotionally charged. It has the potential to change lives, for better and for worse.
Or to put it another way, you come to work one day with bruises on your face. Your coworker asks what happened, and you reply:
“Oh, some jackass hit me in the face, trying to mug me, I guess. Cops hauled him off. I go to court next week.”
OR
“Oh, some jackass knocked me down, stuffed his cock in my mouth and made me suck him off. Thankfully, the ER doc was able to get a semen sample from the inside of my cheek. The cops told me they have a good chance of a conviction.”
If you can consider both of these answers with equanimity, then rape holds no more terror than any garden variety assault. If not, well…perhaps you could rethink your comparison.