Here. It’s OK to be a little brutally honest. It’s a work in progress anyway.
Seems fine to me. Although your picture is a little scary. You could, you know…smile.
Yeah, but it was the best of the lot. All of the smiling ones just looked goofy. And I’m currently missing a tooth, so I’m a little hesitant to advertise my teeth.
I think I’ll just have to take a few dozen more.
You’re not in the least romantic in your ad. What you seem to want out of a female mostly is that she leaves you alone to pursue your hobbies and interests. Can you indicate what you do need her for?
Also, the picture is a bit intense. And what does it mean to say: " I’m a guy with a lot of experiences?" And I’d add at least something about your job and income bracket.
Take as many as you need to – a good picture is 3/4 of the ad – and the only thing I’d change.
A little brutal? OK.
You’re NOT my type! (Trust me, that’s a good thing.)
Maybe a different picture? I couldn’t find one of myself that was willing to look at, much less post on the internet, but I have to believe that a “nice guy” offering a “rockin’ good time” must smile sometimes.
In looking through the personal ads I have noticed that women tend to mention prof more often than men, both in what they are looking for and in what they have to offer. I doubt it means much, but it has given me the impression that women sort by employment and income more than men.
I know that’s painting with a pretty broad brush, but I notice under income you put N/A. I think that puts a big question mark by your name, I’m not even sure what it means. Maybe that’s what you were going for…
Oh, and I hate your screen name! Needs more cutlery!
Definitely change the picture. Remember, people are going to automatically assume that it’s the most flattering picture you could find. Like Zipper said, post one where you’re smiling at the very least.
And now for some proofreading:
Strike the first sentence or re-word it. Everyone has a variety of experiences, so this is a meaningless sentence. How about, “I’m an easy-going amateur artist and musician who lives for the beach.”
Suggested re-write for the next bit:
"I’m easy to get along with, and use my ‘me time’ to pursue (fix spelling) my many hobbies.
This line is good: “I love to cook (but hate to clean!), watch movies, paint, read, and play games.”
Punctuation clarity under movies: Love, Actually; Ocean’s 11; The Red Violin; Shakespeare in Love
The SIX things answer is great, as are the rest. Nice work.
It’s a pretty good ad. I’d leave out the “hate to clean” part because hey…who doesn’t? Seems like an honest enough account of who you are.
P.S. I like the Aloha shirt bit, but be wary of using the words “nice guy” anywhere in your ad.
I was trying to inject a wee bit of humor into it. Didn’t work for you?
What would be some alternatives to “nice guy”? I knew from the start that using that phrase would label me as a loser who rapes puppies, but my imagination is failing me.
I disagree with Maastricht - don’t discuss your income bracket. I’ve gone on dates with too many women whose behavior was consistent with a greater interest in my wallet than in me.
I agree with Beadalin - the term “nice guy” in dating does not mean “nice”; it’s almost always followed by “however.”
Keep in mind that a dating profile is a marketing brochure. Talk to some other people, find out what’s worked for them, and see what’s likely to work for you.
For now I changed it to “Moderately ravishing.” That sucks as well, but now at least I’m no longer a candidate for the offender registry.
Yeah, I have to put some romance in there. And I am a pretty romantic guy. I used to title my personal ads “Sultry, starry nights full of secret stolen kisses.” Or something like that. It swept a few women off their feet.
And there I’ve gone and changed it. :smack:
I don’t want to seem like I have something to hide, and that my real job is to find a woman who has a place where I can crash and eat her food. But I don’t want to attract golddiggers, either.
I suppose that it’s better to attract too many, and then weed out the golddiggers. They’re easy enough to spot.
I know truth in advertising and all, but why not smile for the photo, photoshop the tooth back in, and explain it later?
Hmm, that’s a possibility. It might also be that the resolution of the photo is so low, it won’t even read.
Put a wad of white chewing gum where your tooth should be, shoot the pic and fix it up in photoshop if need be.
As for income…I don’t think that’s a must-have.
Well, being married to a guy who doesn’t like to clean, the task has always defaulted to me, so I may be overly sensitive. Though I’m sure I’m not the only one out there who has been the “default cleaner”. Just food for thought.
Alternates to “nice guy”:
Thoughtful
Funny
Easy going
As a straight married guy, I’m exactly the sort of person whose opinion shouldn’t count here. But, you know, straight married guys rush in where angels fear to tread, so I’ll say that’s a pretty darn good ad – except for the picture. “Intense” would be okay, I suppose, if the text were intense, which it isn’t. As Harry Ellis Dickson would say, “More dolce, please!”
Yeah, I’m getting the point. The image I want to project is a fun time at the beach. The shirt says Aloha! while my face says “Get off my towel, bitch!”
Heh. To the right woman, that’s a plus!
I agree with what the others said about the picture.
Your line about “Painting, the beach, a little freedom, exercise, summer, and the freedom to exercise my right to paint at the beach in the summer” cracked me up. Definitely leave that in there.