Like most people, I believe that part of the job of our politicians is to keep us entertained with a steady stream of sex scandals. At the moment, the political class as a whole obviously is doing that portion of their job quite well and needs no assistance from us. However, there may come a future date where some politician will need advice on how to self-destruct in the most entertaining manner. To that end, please rate the sex scandals of the following politicians from most to least juicy. In addition, you may share any thoughts you have about how the juiciness of a sex scandal should be ranked.
Bill Clinton
Larry Craig
John Edwards
Mark Foley
Newt Gingrich
Rudy Giuliani
Mark Sanford
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Eliot Spitzer
Dominic Strauss-Kahn
David Vitter
To be honest, as non-USA citizen, they all get roughly 1/10 for entertainment value… which I guess correlates to “juicyness”
1/10 means I bothered to read a news article about them and therefore know the rough details in each case
DSK certainly gets a 10/10 for drop yer bacon sarnie in amazement - the head of the IMF is chasing a chambermaid round his hotel room, stark bollock naked? Fucking hell. Not sure if it qualifies as juicy, being a potential rape or whatever, more deeply unpleasant. Certainly shocking (if true).
Bill C has to rank up there just for the sheer scale of the circus that grew up around it. Actual juiciness of the sex scandal though? Small potatos really - CEO banging the secretary? Old as the hills that one. If Socks the cat had gotten involved might have been more interesting.
Don’t really know the others too well not being American - which one was the guy looking for some trade in the airport mens room, then made it clear he was in no way gay? That was pretty funny.
Of the OP’s list, I’d have to say Larry Craig. An anti-gay-rights US Senator going for anonymous gay sex in a public bathroom? If you wrote that in a book the year before his arrest, nobody would believe you. Very tabloidy.
I’d add Gary Condit. The mistress of a married congressman is murdered, and the congressman spends every waking moment acting guiltier and guiltier until he destroys his political career. And derails the investigation for years. See you in hell, ex-Congressman Gary Idiot.
Another juicy part of the Clinton scandal was when the various “family values” Republican congressmen persecuting Bubba were discovered to have had affairs. Gingrich, and the first guy or two who was in line to replace him, among others. And Henry Hyde who claimed his extended affair with a married woman years before was a “youthful indiscression”. He was in his 40s at the time. :rolleyes: The Clinton/Lewinsky scandal was like a tabloid hurricane spinning off tabloid tornados of sex scandal.
Clinton gets some extra points for being the president, for the references to cigars being used, and for the kept dress with the semen stain on it.
Larry Craig, as mentioned, and for the “I have a wide stance!” laughable excuse as for why he was tapping his foot under an adjoining stall.
Gingrich - depending on who you believe (him or his ex), he dropped the divorce bombshell when she was in the hospital with cancer. This was so he could marry the woman he was having an affair with. Then maybe a decade later, he began having an affair with a congressional staffer, and divorced his second wife to be with her. (I’d read somewhere, but have no confirmation, that his second wife was also ill at the time. This would mean he’s fine with just screwing around on his wife, but he seriously does not believe in the “In sickness…” part of marriage vows!) Recently he blamed his straying on an excess of patriotism. Really. “There’s no question at times in my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.”
Condit does get points for acting so damned guilty. Poor gal’s killer was only found relatively recently, in jail for another crime, and was convicted and sentenced last year.
Sanford essentially abandoning his post for a few days and trying to act like nothing happened when he returned was interesting, plus he spawned the “hiking the Appalachian trail” euphemism for sneaking off for infidelity.
Not on the list, but worth a mention is Jack Ryan who was going up against Obama for the senate when the details of his divorce from Jeri Ryan came out. Kind of boring scandal, but it has Seven of Nine in it, so it gets a bump.
I’ve attended some parties that Jack Ryan was also at a few times (after the scandal, and no… not those kind of parties!). He’s about how you’d expect. Charming but a bit snakey. Hit on just about every girl in sight.
The less “juicy” but definite political suicide part was that in the days before the divorce records were going to be opened, the head of the Illinois GOP asked him flat out if there was anything embarrassing in there. Ryan insisted no, it was just sealed for privacy of their kids since his wife was an actress, or something along those lines. Oops. Before that he was usually better known as not the Tom Clancy character of the same name and not related to those other Ryans (George, Jim) of Illinois politics.
I still think a classic for the details was the National Enquirer being the first to publish Gary Hart with Donna Rice, on the boat “Monkey Business”, and having it actually be true.
Dude, he fucked a 20something year old intern in his office *with a freaking cigar * and then he smoked it! C’mon, that’s pretty juicy. Possibly literally.
I mean, if it had just been blow jobs or just had been regular old fucking (which it wasn’t even), I’d agree with you. But the cigar thing. . .
Wilbur Mills, Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, jumps into a Washington fountain with an Argentine stripper. Bonus points: Mills survives the initial scandal and wins reelection, only to show up on stage during one of her shows and trade a few one-liners with her. That’s Entertainment!
Wayne Hays, Chairman of the House Administration Committee is discovered to be having an affair with a secretary, who claims “I can’t type. I can’t file. I can’t even answer the phone.” Bonus points: she later posed in Playboy several times.
The wife of South Carolina Congressman John Jenrette tells an interviewer that she and her husband had sex on the steps of the Capitol building during a late-night House session. Double Bonus: not only did Mrs. Jenrette later appear in Playboy, the Washington comedy troop Capitol Steps took that name to commermorate the incident.
Also 1981. Insurance industry lobbyist Paula Parkinson tells Justice Department investigators she took Representatives Thomas Evans, Jr., Tom Railsback, and Dan Quayle on a “golf weekend.” Evans admitted having sex with her, while Railsback and Quayle denied any improper activity. Bonus points: Quayle’s political career may have been saved by his wife’s spirited defense of him – “Anybody who knows Dan Quayle, knows he’d rather play golf than have sex any day.”
Then there was the 2004 divorce between Utah State Rep. Katherine Bryson and her husband, the state’s Attorney General. In the midst of an ugly but routine hearing, Mr. Bryson produced a video of Mrs. Bryson engaging in extramarital sex in their son’s home. And the reason Attorney General Bryson had the recording in the first place was because he had installed a security camera to catch her. In the resulting tsuris a number of Utah Republicans lost elections that fall. In UTAH!
Mark Sanford’s hike along the Appalachian trial was the most entertaining scandal to come along in years, because of the sheer “Huh?” factor. Plus the new euphemism.
But why is Anthony “Not My” Weiner not on there? Too soon? Or was he supposed to go without saying?
Actually, the real scandal was that John Jenrette was convicted of taking $50,000 in bribes while in office. Between the trial, the juciness and the Playboy appearance, Mr. and Mrs. Jenrette stayed in the headlines for months.
But no one else was caught doing it in the fucking Oval Office. That, plus all the ramifications leading to impeachment, puts Clinton at the top of the list.