As some of you remember, I’ve just graduated from college. And as none of you remember, the only girl I’ve ever had a really serious relationship with broke up with me back in January. I’m not over her, and I won’t be until I get on with my life.
So, that’s what I’m trying to do. Thursday I met a nice girl at a coffeeshop, and we hit it off pretty well. I’ve asked her out, but I’m not at all sure of how to go about this. My previous relationship didn’t exactly have a first date or anything like that.
Is dinner and a movie too cliche? Will I inadvertently send the wrong message if I try to kiss her goodnight? If I don’t? What if we get halfway through the date and I realise I’m still too much damaged goods for it to be fair to her?
Dinner is ok, a few drinks or lunch, something like that. A movie is usually pretty awkward, its hard to sit quietly and comfortably next to someone you hardly know for 2 hours. Try something where you can talk and get to know each other, a zoo or park, or a museum, maybe a sporting event. Good luck, be yourself, it’s the best rule, look for body language signs, eye contact signs, they should guide you on whether or not to attempt a kiss.
TheNerd…
Jumping into the thick of things again is scary, isn’t it? 
Dinner is a good start I believe. I think that talking and getting to know one another is very important. Movies are fun, but you can’t chat. I think I might save that for a second or third date, unless it’s something you know she is really into. If it’s a daytime date might I suggest a picnic in the park? A walk on the beach <depending on where you live>. A nice relaxing dinner is a good start… someplace where your not rushed and can stay and talk for awhile if the conversation is flowing. Then maybe some activity which is fun, but where you can both talk, laugh and have fun.
Personally speakig…I love a man who can come up with a little something different
Take a deep breath and just be you Don’t think about your past, above all else- don’t mention your ex to her especially on the first date, relax and have a great time! Even if things don’t work out for you two just know you took the first step to getting on with your life and asking someone else out after that will be just that much easier
Good luck!
TheNerd…
Jumping into the thick of things again is scary, isn’t it? Dinner is a good start I believe. I think that talking and getting to know one another is very important. Movies are fun, but you can’t chat. I think I might save that for a second or third date, unless it’s something you know she is really into. If it’s a daytime date might I suggest a picnic in the park? A walk on the beach <depending on where you live>. A nice relaxing dinner is a good start… someplace where your not rushed and can stay and talk for awhile if the conversation is flowing. Then maybe some activity which is fun, but where you can both talk, laugh and have fun.
Personally speakig…I love a man who can come up with a little something different
Take a deep breath and just be you Don’t think about your past, above all else- don’t mention your ex to her especially on the first date, relax and have a great time! Even if things don’t work out for you two just know you took the first step to getting on with your life and asking someone else out after that will be just that much easier
Good luck!
I hate it when that happens 
Sowwy.
The above advice is fairly good. A movie wouldn’t give you time to chat and get to know each other. As far as the kiss, a simple kiss on the cheek would be very appropriate. It won’t put either of you in an uncomfortable situation.
just been through this myself TheNerd…
found it best to just be myself, and if she likes you for who you are and you get along, then it’s cool. As for your date, theyr’e all right above me, talking is important this first time, so a late lunch or a dinner maybe someplace where you can talk (and hear) with each other. Put yourself in a comfortable situation, and then perhaps she’ll feed off your energy and be comfortable with you… that seemed to work for me. I can happily say i have been on several more dates recently with the same girl, (she’s sooo cute.:)) and it’s finally getting easier for me to just forget about my ex. (horrible breakup)
[qoute]Will I inadvertently send the wrong message if I try to kiss her goodnight? If I don’t? What if we get halfway through the date and I realise I’m still too much damaged goods for it to be fair to her?
[/quote]
You are not too much damaged goods! By all means, drop that attitude at once! What has happened in your past is part of makes you who you are now. Learn from the past, and move on. I understand you may be feeling it still a bit, but you’ve got to accept that that feeling will be there and attenuate with time. I can’t say my old feelings are gone for good, but i’m certainly not damaged. You be you, and thats the best there is. GL buddy. give us a heads up, huh?
<nods> Well said soulsling!
Hey! I too met a girl that I dated for quite a while after meeting her in a coffeeshop after getting over a fizzled attempt at a relationship with another girl. (Please forgive the awkward syntax. ) Anyhow, I remember being nervous as hell, also thinking about those questions, should I kiss her, what should I do, etc, etc… I agree with the previous posters, a movie is kinda, well, blah, for a first date. Dinner is good, but what’ll win ya points is if you could be a little more creative. Sounds like you’ve had a good conversation with her, so I assume you know what she likes and what some of her interests are. If not, find out. Just relax and have fun. If you can manage that, then you’re chances of success are excellent. As for the kissing bit, I tend to avoid kisses on a first date, but, hey, if you feel the chemistry, by all means, go for it!
And listen to soulsling and GreenEyes, it sounds like they know what they’re talking about.
Watch Fox at ten thirty at night. Visual-Impaired dating. Well, that program is a lot of fun. I think its on every night but sunday. Fun watching people on dates…they do stupid things.
I gave up sex on the first date & just shake hands now. Kissing on the cheek seems tacky.
gotta disagree with the shaking hands bit. i find that shaking hands with a girl is one of the most awkward things to do. a hug, a kiss on the cheek, but shaking? i don’t know…seems much too business-like.
I have to agree with pulykamell. If I went on a date with someone and they shook my hand I would assume that they weren’t really interested. I think you will just “know” by the end of the date what to do, or not to do. If she is a touchy-feely sorta woman you might feel more comfy than if she was very standoffish all night. Either way, don’t worry about it and have a good time
I need a sig!!!
Some advice from a fellow Houstonian:
The purpose of a first date, IMO, is to have fun, and to get to know the other person a little better. Dinner is definatly a good idea, but a better idea is to pick something that will last for an hour or two at most. Someplace like TGIF’S is cool: you can have a drink or two at the bar, and snack on appitizers or something.
Dave and Buster’s is pretty fun. A different idea is a comedy club.
Herman Park rocks. You’ve got the zoo, the park, the Science Museum (with the laser light show and IMAX), and the Miller Outdoor Theatre.
As far as kissing: My rule has been that a hug is a good idea. Even if she is giving out signals…hell, even if she holds up a sign saying “kiss me!”, give her a hug on the first date. It shows that you’re a gentleman, and it builds up anticipation for the second date.
Good luck, Nerd!
‘gotta disagree with the shaking hands bit. i find that shaking hands with a girl is one of the most
awkward things to do. a hug, a kiss on the cheek, but shaking? i don’t know…seems much too
business-like.’
Yeah, but I’m far from normal in my dating habits. I must say it worked very well too. After all, she just had a hysterectomy two days before & you don’t want to hug them where the doctor sliced them open…& kissing might be a bit tacky for someone just having that operation. So, the old handshake. clever, eh?
well, how’d it go?
Sealemon: rah rah! I agree. Hugs are great!
We have such intelligent people on this board. Gotta love it.
Definitely something where you can spend a couple of hours talking and getting to know each other. I went rollerblading with rented skates through the parks in Toronto on a first date once. He brought a backpack with water and fruit, etc. It was fabulous. And I had never been rollerblading prior to that.
As for the kiss issue - one additional bit of advice - if the signals seem right for a kiss, and you decide to go for it, keep your lips closed, keep it gentle, and keep it brief. I’m all for the kiss on the cheek.
chill, be yourself and try not to plan the evening out too much, take it easy and enjoy yourself…