I can’t believe I forget this one! Look at my profile to see my occupation. I use this character’s quote’s almost daily.
I am the world’s biggest teenage Simpsons fans. Like, litterally. Over 20 9 hours tapes, I have every single episode. Over the years, my older brother and I have used Simpsons quotes for our conversations, and they seem to change every few months.
<Me> Can you get me a glass of coke?
<Mom> Can’t you get it yourself?
<Me> Ok, fine…I’ll just let my mouth dry up and dehydrate coughcoughwheeze
<Brother> This milk smells off.
<Me> Ha hah! Joke’s on you! I left that carton sitting against the ventiltor for a month!
<Me> What’s that?
<Someonelse> It’s ------
<Me> ------, eh?
<Me> Bed goes up, bed goes down, bed goes up, bed goes down.
<Friends> How can you play videogames, Shawn?
<Me> They’re my only escape from the drudgery of friends and family. No offense.
<Me> Hi everybody!
<People> Hiya, Shawn.
<Me> grabs them by shirt collar I SAID “Hi, everybody!”
<Me> I work hard for the money. So hard for the money. Something something money so gimmie lotsa money now.
<Friend WithSocial Problem> I want to be loved.
<Me> I see…well, I’m gonna need some beer…
<Me Testing Out A New Video Game> And all I did was put in my name! Thrillhouse…
<Me> Once she sees you’ll do anything she wants, she’s bound to respect you.
<Me Passing Notes In Class> Guess who likes you?
<Mom> C’mon, Imran. Time to get up for school.
<Me> No thanks. I got a lot of work to do around the bed.
<Me> You know these so-called volunteers don’t even get paid?
(My mom set this one up and she doesn’t even know it)
<Mom> The government only asks for 8 hours a day for school.
<Me> Then they should have made they day 8 hours longer. Lousy government.
<Me> There it is, the smartest thing you’ll ever say and no one’s there to hear it.
(Used when someone’s last name ends with S, like Sanders)
<Me> The Sanderseseseses.
<Me> You’ll die up there, just like I did!
<Brother> You?! DID?!
(This I got in trouble for)
*Teacher is writing assignments on the board and keeps stopping and thinking, keeping us from leaving, finally, the third time…
<Me> Don’t make me come up there!
Finally (and I’m glad some of you read this far), my favorite:
“Kids, you tried, and you failed. The lesson is: Never try.”
So true, Homer. So true.
Thanks for reading this insanely long post. 
There is only quote (aside from the standard D’oh) that I could remember well enough to use. (Although if I messed up a word or two, please let me know.)
(Mr. Burns) Let’s blow this fascist popsicle stand.
Perfect for leaving anywhere!
I can’t believe that no one has mentioned yoink yet. I swear to God I yoink something everyday (and I make sure to say yoink, or it doesn’t count.)
My college buddies and I always use “<adjective> liek a fox!”
We love the less-known Simpsons quotes that only true fans appreciate.
Yoink is a good one.
Also throw around “He thinks he’s people.”
I often say, when injured or sore in a mock Canadian accent “Ooh, that stings, eh?” from the episode where the Simpsons go to Japan.
I always say when eating eggs, or just eating anything at all “Mmmm…ovulicious…”
When asked a question I don’t know the answer to, I’ll say “I…don’t…know…” from the episode where Homer was pretending to be Mr Burns and didn’t know his name.
“I bent my Wookie” I say that when I make a mistake.
And finally, when fighting with someone, I’ll say Lisa-style “You’re a baffoon! BAFFOOON!”
Jeez, there are so many more that I use.
When Mrs Simba comes to me, frustrated with the latest tantrums from toddler Simba and demanding to know why she is behaving that way - I turn to face our daughter, shrug my shoulders and use my favourite Bart line: “Hey, I’m a kid, that’s my job”. Usually deflates the situation when she slaps her head and says “D’oh!”.
Person 1 [upon realizing that they aren’t completing their task in a timely manner, are stuck in a boring situation at work/school, watching too much TV, etc.] At this rate I won’t even get into Vassar!
Person 2 [irate] I’ve had just aboutenoughofyour Vassar-bashing, young lady!
Kills me everytime, especially when it happens in dialogue unplanned. (Once it even happened to me with an acquaintance that I didn’t know very well. What a barrel of laughs that was to us… everyone else though we were the weirdest, though.)
When sudden understanding falls on a co-worker: “It teaches you while you learn.”
And since I have a tendency to say things that most normal people with a smidgen of tact never say, I’m forever saying “I said the quiet part loud.”
Forgot a couple!
“I call the big one Bitey,” referring to the younger, yet larger and, hmm, bitey-er of my two ferrets. I’ve also managed to work “embiggens” into a number of conversations; the Simpsons fans get it, the non-fans narrow their eyes at me and say, “That’s not a word… is it?”
Sure it is! And learning new words embiggens us all.
Once I was dissed by a girl at a party (yeah, once) and she e-mailed me later saying, “I looked for you later on, I couldn’t find you.” I responded, “If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I’d be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.”
When I was in Key West, we toured this awful museum that had a guy outside in a pirate suit talking in bad pirate lingo. We were shooting Old Sea Captain lines back and forth for the rest of the trip: “Yarr, is it more iced tea ye be needin’?”
Of course, I throw out Dr. Nick quotes all the time at school, but no one ever seems to get them…
Dr. J
When I drive, sometimes I sing:
"She blinds everybody with her super-high-beams
She’s a deer-smakin’, squirrel-smashin’ drivin’ machine
CANYON-EROOOOOOOOOO! YAH!"
I told my friend’s wife to remember the phrase “purple monkey dishwasher”, or else I would ignore her, and she still remembers it.
I laugh like Professor Frink would sometimes…
I can’t believe no one here has mentioned yoink!, ormeh…. They both came from the show, and I use them all the time.
Ones I’d like to use:
FRINK: Now here we have an ordinary square-
CHIEF WIGGUM: whoa whoa, slow down, egghead!
HOMER: mmmm…incapacitating
HOMER: yeah, i’ve got this friend named…Joey-joe-joe…junior…jabadoo?
MOE: that’s the worst name I’ve ever heard. (a man cries)
BARNEY: Joey-Joe-Joe!
HOMER: Marge, where’s that metal dealy…you use to…dig…food…
And one that’s too funny to not type here:
HOMER: I’D LIKE THE PHONE BOOK FOR HOKKAIDO, JAPAN PLEASE.
LIBRARIAN: HERE YOU GO, ONE PHONE BOOK FOR HOKKAIDO, JAPAN.
HOMER: THANK YOU. MAY I PLEASE USE YOUR PHONE?
LIBRARIAN: I-IS IT A LOCAL CALL?
HOMER: YY-YES…
looks like someone DID say yoink. Meh.
“It’s a perfectly cromulent word.”
Ah, yes, I use meh as well. And when walking into a room, I sometimes yell out, “Hi, everybody!”
And when someone I haven’t seen in a while (well, not a long while, a day or two) says hello, I can occasionally be heard saying,
“Why if it isn’t Mr.McGregor, with an arm for a leg and a leg for an arm.”
I have to say that have found Grandpa Simpson to be a treasure trove of quotes:
“The lamp’s running away . . .”
“I thought it was because the Democrats were back in power.”
“Welcome to my world.” (After Lisa says “You mean we could die in our sleep . . .”)
In addition, Nelson’s “Ha-Ha” works well when someone other than you screws up and the following have found their way in to conversations of mine:
“Isn’t funny how sometimes two wrongs do make a right?”
“You can always depend on the kindness of strangers.” (said singing)
“In this house we observe the laws of Thermodynamics.”
“France.” (Generally good as an expression after you cannot pronounce a word or as an answer when do not know where something is located. --Taken from Kent Brockman)
“meh?”
Is there something I’m missing here? Is this a phoenetic spelling? Throw me a frikkin bone here!
And one for the road:
“Sweet mother of crap!”
meh - used when the answer required would otherwise be irrelivant or uninteresting; used with a shoulder shrug (i.e. “yeah, but what’re ya gonna do”)
- a simple, one-syllable word, for filler when an opinion is requested and none comes to mind
A couple I forgot, as well (and haven’t seen posted yet):
If a meeting/mating ritual/phone call/whatever is bogging down: “Enough of your borax, Poindexter, we need action - take that, ya lousy dimension!”
And whenever the wife or I spills/breaks/hurts/maims/etc. something, the guilty party is hit with “Ruiner! (My sister likes you).”
God Bless Matt Groening.
I’ve used these a couple of times…
Homer - So I asked myself, what would God do in a situation like this? So I turned to the Bible…the ultimate prankster’s bible!
Homer - Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos!
Homer - (in a loving fasion)in my eyes, your both potential murderers!
Ralph - When I grow up, I wanna be a dinosaur!
Bart - I warsh m’self with a rag on a stick!
Homer - Let us never speak of the shortcut again.
Homer - 30 seconds??? But I want it now!!!
Marge - (after a couple of people describe how they are going to spend their money) 100 tacos? Public Broadcasting? I won’t have you throwing you money away like that!
I’ve used these a couple of times…
Homer - So I asked myself, what would God do in a situation like this? So I turned to the Bible…the ultimate prankster’s bible!
Homer - Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos!
Homer - (in a loving fasion)in my eyes, your both potential murderers!
Ralph - When I grow up, I wanna be a dinosaur!
Bart - I warsh m’self with a rag on a stick!
Homer - Let us never speak of the shortcut again.
Homer - 30 seconds??? But I want it now!!!
Marge - (after a couple of people describe how they are going to spend their money) 100 tacos? Public Broadcasting? I won’t have you throwing you money away like that!