Somehow a couple of religious types made it past my security door the other day. They knocked, I answered, and they wanted to start talking to me about “the violence in our society.”
I asked, “Is this a religious thing?”
“Yes it is,” they replied.
“Sorry,” I said, “but I was born a snake handler and I’ll die a snake handler.”
And I closed the door in their stunned, silenced faces.
The other night I was at a local Mexican restaurant with a few friends. After having had a few margaritas, I tired of waiting for my food. I started lightly pounding on the table and reciting… “Where’s my burrito?! Where’s my burrito?!..”
Sometimes when my wife asks me to do something, I go “I’m on my way” in Homer-inflection. This should indicate to her that I’m not really on my way but I don’t think she’s seen the episode.
“Hi, everybody!” gets used around our house a lot, as does “…which was the fashion at the time.” We also make reference to “your window to weight gain.”
“I am evil Ho-MER!” has great utility in my ethics classes.
Whenever me or my brother ‘guarantee’ something to each other “I can guarantee that you’re wrong…”, we always sneak in a Simpsons-style “notaguarantee”
Can’t remember which episode that’s from though, I think it’s from a Krusty advert, not sure.
I have worked Snake’s “Yoink” into my every day life. Reaching for a beer in a cooler? “Yoink!”
Also, whever my girlfriend tells me to take out $20 from the ATM I reply “$20? But I wanted a peanut…” She has yet to get this joke.
“Yoink!” is a Simpson-ism. Go figure.
My contribution: “Mmmmm…[insert delicious foodstuff here]”
And my friend’s personal favorite, which is creeping into my own vocabulary:
“Everything’s coming up Milhouse!” 
Just last night I used the Homer quote, “…and I’m not easily impressed. Look! A blue car!”
I also use “Mmmmm…” a lot. And “Doh!”
Mmmmm, Simpsons.
It’s from the Movementarians episode, from their recruitment video.
Thanks LeeshaJoy!
Just finished watching ‘Bart gets famous’, and remebered that I use “I didn’t do it…” all the time.
Was that a particularly popular catchphrase before that episode?
I’ve used “Your ideas intrigue me, and I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter” a few times.
Plus, one from Milhouse: “My mom thinks I’m cool.”
My first week at my new job - my new boss had me putting together some of our products. I was completely unfamiliar with tradeshow products and was making some stupid mistakes. He was being patient and letting me make the mistakes so I could learn how to set up the displays.
When I made the 45367th dumb mistake in a row, and he had gotten to giggling at my frustration, I looked him square in the eye and said “My cat’s breath smells like cat food.”
I now occasionally use it as a tension breaker/silly non sequitor.
Nope, it was just made up for that episode.
I was put on the spot at work not too long ago to come up with a Bible quote.
The only thing I could think of was, “Uh…‘Thou shalt not…’ uh… die,spider!”
So, what verse did I actually come up with? Thou shalt not bear false witness. I’m not very strong on the Bible, but I am stronger than Homer, apparently.
Whenever anyone states the obvious, I paraphase Cecil Terwilliger: Why I had no idea. You see, I’ve been living the past ten years with my eyes closed and my fingers in my ears…in a cave…on Mars.
He said them in the reverse order, but my way is funnier.
Interestingly, “D’oh!” is in the Oxford English Dictionary…
Also, I seem to use it quite often… 
I was recently at Sea World and I saw a blow fish in the aquarium. My wife looked at me funny when I said in a too loud voice, “Fugu me!” Come to think of it a few others looked at me funny.
Ahh … so many. Two in particular spring to mind:
The response to ‘You were drunk!’ is always ‘And how!’
And once I was at a party only because my friend promised there would be food, but the food was not forthcoming for a verrrry long time, so finally I scrounged up some chips and as I was digging in I was approached by a young man in an amorous mood. My response to his opening gambit: “Can’t talk … eating …”
As a matter of fact, it only served to inflame his affections … he was after me all night.
The other day my friend and I were figuring out where to go for lunch. After much consternation she suddenly asked, “You like Thai?” I happened to be wearing a shirt and tie that day and looked down and said, “Tie good, you like shirt?”
We both laughed for over 10 minutes over that one.