A good one for when you are hitting on a woman is ‘So…do you like…stuff’.
Also ‘my cats breath smells like cat food’ when I am confused has been said at least once.
“I’m cold and there are wolves after me!” I get far too much mileage out of this one.
Another one for “Who shot who in the what now?” And “Twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!” And “I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!”
Oh, and “Where is Bart? His dinner is getting all cold and eaten!”
And, from the Mr. Sparkle episode: “Well, it was a fun ride while it lasted. Come on, kids, let’s go home.” “We are home.” “That was fast.”
It is my goal to complete the perfect, incredulous/disgusted/deadpan Lisa “What.”
A few others include “Oh, be nice!”, “More asbestos! More asbestos!”, and the Mediocre Presidents song.
“Who shot who…” is a staple for a friend of mine.
I probably use so many of these I don’t even think of them as Simpsons quotes at this point, just as things to say. “Yoink” and “sweet merciful crap!” are classics, and I’ve slayed my family with a well-placed “craptacular” a few times. I also like Homer’s “Aww, you can use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true.” And you can’t forget “Let’s all go to that… place… where our beds and TV … is.”
I just used “House run away? Dog on fire?” in a conversation online. 
With all due respect, no. It’s the excess starting from a ridiculous point that makes it funny. But it’s good however you do it.
Oh yes. I also like to use Kearney’s son’s line “I sleep in a drawer!”
As many of you know, I work for the U.S. Government in a position that puts me in front of, or dealing with the press a lot. So far, I’ve used “cromulent” in:
two press releases
one press conference
countless speeches and meetings, including several with Ambassadors,
and to a delegation of twenty staff officers, one of whom was the chief of defense staff at the time. Not one damn person, including doctors, both medical and otherwise, has ever questioned me as to what it means. I’m spreading it to my staff as well
Yoink and “bees are on the what now” are mainstays as well.
My kids and I use the following exchange all the time, whenever my wife tries to foist something “healthy” on us:
Lisa: “Dad, don’t eat that, it’s poisoned!”
Homer: “Eh, I’ve had a good life.”
Lisa: “Um…uh…um…It’s lowfat!”
Homer: “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
If we’re really into it, we follow up with:
Chief Wiggum: “Boy, it’s sure lucky that thing landed in this smoking crater over here!”
But more often, just the “Nooooooooooooo” all by itself suffices.
Do Futurama quotes count? I find Bender’s “INteresting… no, wait, that other word. Tedious.” quite useful.
I also like Homer’s, “Everybody is stupid except for me” quote (from “Homer the Heretic”), said when I’ve realized I’ve done something stupid.
I can’t believe I’m the first to mention the Nelson laugh… Hah hah!
That episode is why we named our dog Rory. We promptly taught her to stand on her hind legs. So you will often hear ‘look at her standing there on her hind legs.’
Other ones: if I get something in my eye - My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
If someone finds the answer they were looking for - There’s your answer, fishbulb.
Also, every time I buy sugar - 'In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power. Then you get the women."
Sometimes our baby will be sitting around in his diaper, and his dad will look at him and say 'don’t you hate pants?"
Once, at a convenience store, I watched a little kid of maybe 5 or 6 years drop his Slurpee on the ground.
In my best Apu voice (and much louder than intended):
“Silly customer, you cannot hurt the Squishie!”
I also use “Help me, Jeebus”, “S-M-R-T” and “Everything’s coming up Millhouse” quite a bit.
I try to work “cromulent” into conversations as well.
What a great thread idea…
For some time, my sisters and I have been using “bees are on the what now?” and Bart’s “Buh?” quite a bit.
I think of “Doh” as a regular word now.
I’ve used the “S-M-R-T” line more than my fair share.
Whenever I eat something that is numbered on the package (64 slices of american cheese) I do the “Mmmm 64 slices of American Cheese…<eats one>…63…”
And just last week, a couple friends and I were at a convenience store, on our way to going out that night, and they suggested I buy a Powerball ticket because the Jackpot was up to something like $155 MM. So I replied with, but powerball tickets will cut into our beer money. They then said, what would you rather have, more beer, or a chance to win $155 million? To which I quickly replied:
“What kind of beer?”
I’ve been known to cheerily tell my coworkers, “If I don’t come back, avenge my death!” as I leave for lunch.
And I have thought, though not said, “I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world!!”
No, no, no…
“Se goggles – Sey do nossink!”
I can think of one really appropriate time to use that quote…
C’mon, admit it. You know you can use this one in real life:
“Gangway, gotta poop!”
What do you mean, “all you can eat”? I’m not done yet!
And when a particularly bad bout of hiccups hits,
“>hic< kill me >hic< kill me …”
“We’ll [do something] or choke their livers with our dead!”
(Lemon Tree episode)
anther vote for the “Mediocre Presidents” song
I believe the line is actually “choke their rivers with our dead.”