Real men don't ....

A male coworker of mine, when asked what color his socks were, replied, “Cream”. Now, I don’t know about yooz guys, but I have never referred to the color off-white as cream. This got me thinking about a few others.

Real men don’t:
Shop - They walk in a store and buy the stuff they need.
Run errands - They just have shit to do.
Wear bikini underwear - This was discussed recently.
Beat up women - They just beat up other men.
Pick their nose - They use a farmers napkin.
Drive minivans or minipickups - Or mini-anything for that matter.
Get their haircut at a salon - A saloon, maybe, but never a salon.
Meet a date at a restaurant - They pick 'em up at home.
Wear cowboy boots - Unless they ride a horse to work.

Real men don’t bear children. That’s not to say they can’t bear children, they just don’t. That’s the only one I can think of.

Real men don’t bear children. That’s not to say they can’t bear children, they just don’t. That’s the only one I can think of.

Real men don’t go bald… they just keep wrapping that one strand around and around til their head is all covered up!

“Only when he no longer knows what he is doing, does the painter do good
things.” --Edgar Degas

Oops. Mea culpa. It wasn’t funny enough to bear repeating, huh? Whoops, that really was unintentional …

Real men don’t:

  • tuck in the bed covers;

  • gossip;

  • ask for directions;

  • buy the beer brand that’s on sale, unless it’s their ‘own’ brand;

  • look for economy in a car;

  • look for fat content in food;

  • use stuff like body lotion;

  • own a hair dryer;

  • really know what the laundry machine dials do;

  • listen to crap like Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, etc.
    Next Real Man. Your Turn, mate.


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

Wow and to think it all got started with a book back in the 70’s called ‘Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche’

Real men aren’t afraid of eating quiche, etc…

real men don’t fold clothes, they wear them out of the laundry basket. that is if they even do laundry!

We’re all here, because we’re not all there!

Wow…according to this list, I’m about 70% real man.

I came up with a good one, I think…

A ream man can cry. But it has to be about sports!


Yer pal,

A ream man? What a lovely Freudian slip for you, dearest…

You all forget, real men don’t type messages at bulletin boards, except at CarTalk.

But we do check out the covers on their CDs.

And now a real man riddle.

What’s this? “Filthy, filthy, filthy but wearable, filthy, filthy but wearable.”

A real man sorting his laundry.

Real men don’t plump-up cushions.

You know, after reading this post, I think I’ll settle for a “fake” man, thank you very much! :wink:

Sex appeal – Give generously

In that case you’d better keep a puncture repair kit and a spare set of batteries handy. :slight_smile:

It only hurts when I laugh.

I can’t even express how sad this really is…

Real men don’t spend time discussing what real men do and don’t do, because we aren’t suffering from tiny-dick inferiorty complexes.

“I love God! He’s so deliciously evil!” - Stewie Griffin, Family Guy