My new and improved “Reality TV” Rant: IE: New Fodder:
Survivor 6: Amazon: Survivor...... where to begin, I could easily launch a rant from any of three different directions, the first and most obvious is that this show has lived beyond it's productive lifetime. It is time to send it on it's way, but somehow, our boy Jeff, your host, continues to be able to milk this. God knows why. Anyhoo, so now we find ourselves in the amazon, and it still fails to answer my question, why, oh why, does every bunch of contenders on survivor suck more than the last. Where in the hell do they find these losers? The last time around, we had two major irritant standouts, Rob and Clay, Rob who is personification of everything wrong with American youth, arrogant, selfish and clueless. And then Clay, a backwards, lazy pustule of a hick. I admit, I rejoiced when these two were gone, Rob, more than Clay, at least he knew more or less when to lay low, but Rob deserved to be culled from the herd. Now we have a new batch, and we easily out of the gates, have a number of potential irritants. First off, on a compansionate note, I can understand the Deaf Girl's frustration at night when she can't read lips, I hope her tribe mates have enough brains to see her for what she is, a break even. They will have to take an extra step in considering her needs, but in a challenge she also can read lips and pick up on things those with hearing can't. She is a potential advantage to her tribe if they are smart enough to see it. She and the Construction Company VP so far are the only two who I can respect. Since the teams are broken down by gender, lets break down the irritants by gender, and as tradition dictates, ladies first: One potential and two definite irritants on the femme squad. The potential, is Deena the bossy one, who may or may not know what the hell she's talking about. The jury for me, is still out on her but she seems to have the potential to piss me right off. Next we have the overly religious black chick, and she gets a vote off from me from the get go. Two things she did irritate the shit out of me. First, she would touch the idol cuz it was against her "beliefs", which I take to mean she wont covet false idols. This translates in Christian terms to me that you attribute super godly powers upon a stupid statue that is part of the game. To her I say, I knew the fucking game for what it is, if the statue bothers so much you should have stayed home where your precious beliefs wouldn't be so easily and pointlessly offended. Secondly, the girl tribe got no fish for a simple reason. The dumb bitch kept screaming out the gospel while they were fishing, and anyone with a clue knows that loud noises scare the fish away. So, shut up already. I would have pushed her in and used her to catch some tasty piranha. Next is the homemaker, who is tready to quit, before the first challenge. She's a potbellied mommy from the burbs who likely has a strong sense of learned helplessness and has rarely if ever had it hard at all. I find her repulsive as a whiney parasitic anchor on the ass of the girls team. Why would she think it would be easier than it is, it aint club med. You are in the jungle, sleeping on the ground and yes, god forbid there are bugs there to. You're gonna stink and you're gonna be hungry, and yes, it's gonna suck. If it's too hard and not all about making smores, you lowly, whining parasite, you should have stayed home.
And yes, I think the phys-ed major is hot. She is unfortunately the “Boob Girl” for this season, but she was the one who essentially won it for the tribe and that was refreshing.
On to the boys, and two or three older guys who may be men. Ryan and possibly Dan should simply be killed for the arrogant, selfish, lazy shits they are. Ryan did everything WRONG from the onset and he got voted off, good riddance. Maybe his muscle bound pal will learn from that. The only other potential irritant I see from the men are two; the guy who stood up on the pedestal and claimed they shouldn’t insult his “Integrity”. Dude, subterfuge is part of the game, it seems obvious that if you cling to that philosophy, you wont last long. The other is the moron with the 8-ball. It has no mystical power and was made by Mattel. GET OVER THE DAMNED 8-BALL. GEEZ!
This group is by far the most annoying bunch pound for pound so far. The girls beat the men due to the classic macho mistake. The men just assume they will win, but the truth is when it’s boys vs. girls, the femmes come at you all the harder because it’s girls against the men. Dumbasses. The men had a dominating lead, and I cannot emphasize enough how damn funny it is, that the two brawniest, cockiest asses on the men’s team are the ones who blow it, by doing what I call the scrotum drag across the balance beam, which was pointless. They would have been able to recover faster if they had been on their feet like men and not dragging their asses like monkeys. You heard me!
Now on to attack Survivor th concept: If you want to have a good survivor and make the whiney candyasses earn their survival, heres a few ideas.
1) Desert Survivor: In the pueblo area of the US, how does one build a house with no wood and little water? Good luck weenies.
2) taking it up a notch: Aleutian Survivor: Guess what? IT’S COLD! Less gratuitous T’N’A, but more honest “you have to earn it”, going on. You have trees, and woods, and potentially fish, and oh yeah, Kodiak bears, they’re bigger than grizzles. Don’t have too much fun.
3) Underwater Survivor: The undersea equivalent of the biosphere, you live in a sealab like thing for the 36 days and have to figure out hydroponics and be a damn good swimmer for spear fishing duty. This one would be interesting.
4) Mongolian Bedouin Survivor: We dump your ass in the Gobi Desert, there’s NOTHING there, it’s flat and it’s COLD!. You get thirty six days to figure out how to live like the Mongols do, keep your livestock alive and fed and how to build a traditional Mongol house. (I got the idea of this from a PBS special that was damn fascinating). You want a “You have to earn it” special, this would be the pinnacle, I think.
These would make survivor interesting again.
Married by America: This one will be a short lambasting because, who would be so fucking stupid as to let a bunch of slack jawed Jerry Springer fans show you your spouse. This is the standard of the Joe Millionaire version of Reality crap. It basically translated to "Lets see what we can get away with" and thats about it. Fox TV, you suck for doing this. A Pox on you and Rupert Murdock. have you no shame? Guess not. The Jacko Interview: Now I get some fun. jacko, (The psychotic child molesting weirdo who has embarrassed himself for a decade now, Michael Jackson, former black guy and present albino gender bender) having given three hours to a UK based outfit for an interview, Pedo-boy is now crying that it makes him look bad. Ge, what a shock, bit my major issue with Jacko's whining is this:. Given the fact that we know he's nuts, why do we give the shithead the attention that we do. The whole premise of the upcoming interview, is Mikey had cameras to, that caught the "Uncut" version of the interview and desperately, read; DESPERATELY tries to paint psycho as a non-pedophile. Mikey; here's a thought, bitch: We know you shelled out a multimillion dollar settlement to cover up something........ you're a pedophile and I hope they take your kids away you evil, self centered little lunatic. And no, I will not buy you any nose glow, you self absorbed freak. Do the world a favor and next Thursday, TUNE JACKO.... OUT!