Really Bad Music Videos

All these posts about awful songs made me think–what’s the worst music video of all time? I think David Bowie’s “China Girl” is probably the most unintentionally laughable (as much as I want to marry David Bowie, what the hell is that about? And what’s up with the winking picture and bowl of rice he tosses in the air?) And REM (I love them, too) wins for most pretentious music video with “Losing my Religion” And I also vote for any musical video that tries to be meaningful by including an apple, an mirror, and babies and old people in the imagery.

Was it Loverboy who made that wretched video where they actually played AIR GUITAR?

“My hovercraft is full of eels.”

Yes, Tim, shamefully, it was Loverboy. I just saw that on VH1 the other day. Even more shamefully, my husband once won an air guitar contest in high school. His prize: a 45 of Spandau Ballet’s “True”. God, what a wretched adolescent memory.
My least favorite video is probably that horrid Alannis Morrisette video where she walks around naked. Spare me from such a hideous sight. P

Did any of you see the Mtv special of the worst music videos ever? The #1 worst video: Don Johnson’s “Heartbeat.” You’d have to see it to believe it.

I hope they rerun that special sometime soon. It’d break the monotony of the endless Real World/Road Rules marathons.

Don Johnson’s buddy Phillip Michael Thomas made a horrifically-bad video for some forgettable song that has his face appearing on a fetus among other things.

There’s another video for “Rico Suave” which is very, very nauseating.

well, how about that MTV “classic”, Video Killed the Radio Star?

It was MTV’s first video, and almost their last.

Pretty much any glam rock video is a contender for the lamest video catagory.

Just a general observation…I am getting really tired of the synchronised dance numbers in 75% of the videos out there. As I recall, Michael Jackson’s thriller started this trend, and his sister Janet took the ball and ran with it. Now it’s just getting really old.

I am also getting sick and tired of the stop-the-video-in-the-middle-and-do-some-lame-ass-skit trick. It seems like every video I’ve seen this summer does this. Am I the only one who hates this shtick?

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

I hate the videos with the Glamour Shots look-at-how-beautiful-I-am-from-this-angle-and-now-here-I-am-lookimg-beautiful-in-a-different-outfit-and-here’s-a-shot-of-me-looking-beautiful-in-another-overly-lit-closeup.

And men do it to. Sexy, sensitive little Mr. Pouty Man. Look at me! I’m singing and emoting in the rain for my unrequited love! I’m looking deeply into the camera and tilting my head. I’m so sexy. Watch me dance. I thank God every night for the New Kids on the Block.

Also, all of the little girl singers in those Riki-Lake-My-Teen-Is-Out-Of-Control- show skimpy outfits. My god, they look like they’re 25. I wonder what the parents are thinking when they see their daughter on national TV wearing a tiny top and skintight pants dancing and singing about how her body says “let’s go.” I’m not a prude, or anything. It’d be a hell of a lot different if these girls were at least of voting age. I just think it’s kind of creepy.

Rap videos . . . you know, where the guy sits rapping on a sofa covered in gold and well dressed women? The ones with the Conspicous Cell Phone shot, and the Look at My Expensive car scenes? This is a very popular theme.

They’re as cliche as the ones that use hundreds of unrelated images and weird pointles scenes. Here’s a scene with an old man. He’s painted blue. Next, there’s a shot of this old twisted tree in black-and-white. There’s the old man again, and he’s holding a flower. Wow. That’s deep.

If you want to see REALLY bad videos, find any copy of a collection of ABBA videos. I mean, I’ve been a fan of the group for years, but, man, their videos suck. Of course all of their videos were made several years before MTV was even an idea. Look for horrifying closeups of not-the-best Swedish dental work (think of the Gilligan’s Island episode where they find a bunch of silent movie equipment), cameras zooming into spotlights, people spinning around for no apparent reason. Like 'em or not, ABBA could spin out a great pop tune, but their videos really sucked. Did I mention their videos sucked? Well, they suck. Really. Suck.

Well OF COURSE Abba videos suck, Trumpy…they were made in the 70s for cryin’ out loud! Nobody made good videos back then and they were rarely seen anyway. Even the Beatles made horrible videos–ever see the waste of film they did for “Strawberry Fields Forever”?

“My hovercraft is full of eels.”

Who could forget that staple of the 80’s, “Mickey” (O Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine, you blow my mind") by Toni someone or other. The video featured her, a grown-up, in a cheerleading outfit. Oh gawd.

Another bad music video is Scandal’s low budget “Goodbye to You”, which features Patty Smyth dancing around in a really bad outfit. Yikes.

I can’t stand Steve Perry’s “Oh Sherry” video simply because I couldn’t believe that the woman (presumably THE Sherry) put on colored hose with the dress she was wearing. My mouth dropped every time I saw it.

Finally, I can’t stand videos where the beautiful singer does nothing but twirl around and look beautiful. Shania, are you listening??? You’re drop-dead gorgeous, but please find a good director.

Speaking of Shania… her “That Don’t Impress Me Much” video is the sexiest thing I’ve seen on TV in ages. Whenever it comes on VH1, I sit there with my jaw and eyes wide open. Yowza.

Lissa, if you hate all those boy band videos, I think you’d like the new “Blink 182” video (not the one where they’re running naked through the streets). It’s a great parody of all those sychronized dance step/water pouring all over me/black and white/rolling around on the beach videos.

Can’t think of a worst video. I’ve had them all surgically removed from my memory.

I saw a REMAKE of “Oh Mickey” by some not-so-thin chick calling herself “Lolly”. She probably wasn’t even born when the original video came out, so it’s not a nostalgia thing . . . haunted I am, by the question–WHY???

Also, in (I guess what you’d call) “R&B” videos, does anyone else notice that directors tend to use what looks like a “tunnel vision” shot during dance scenes, where it looks like the camera lens is looking through a toilet roll tube? I can’t think of any titles offhand, but I seem to remember Mariah Carey doing a few videos like that.


How about Tom Petty’s “The Waiting”? Or the Rolling Stones video (I want to say it’s “I’m So Hot For You” or “Shattered”) with Mick dressed in a blue satin jumpsuit with little frillies hanging down the sleves and pant legs, prancing up and down a runway while the band played behind him (they were dressed equally as bad). The look of disgust on Keith Richard’s face when Mick starts to really go to town is priceless.

“What I wonder is why people are so afraid of everybody coming up with their own reality on their own terms.” - Jerry Garcia

I haven’t seen that one yet, but my vote for sexiest video (sorry this is OT) is the
Chris Isaac < sp? > video for “Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing,” from “Eyes Wide Shut.” Whoa…

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it,” Jack Handy

Mickey was actually a remake of a song called Kitty done many, years ago. Toni Basil was well known as a choreograher(sp?). Toni was quoted as making the video that way as she remembers young kids in her neighborhood trying out cheerleading routines to Kitty

She choreographed Better Be Good To Me By Tina Turner, and Bette Midler’s Beast of Burden as well. Also one last thing she was the prostitute with Peter Fonda in Easy Rider

Now the worst video was * I Know What Boys Like* by The Waitresses. That was one of those videos that was SO bad it was good.

Rod Stewart’s “If You Think I’m Sexy” video chawed hard. The lyrics were so simple, but even he forgot them.
I remember one night in Washington D.C., trapped in a disco bar when that song, the Donna Summer repertoire, and that song by that blond, whorish-looking woman (I Like The Nightlife) kept repeating.

Oh, the humanity!

I think the whole idea of music videos is a perversion. They are nothing but commercials for the recording. It’s unbelievable that there are entire channels devoted to them. I see no reason to watch even the best of them more than once. The best video I have seen is by The Replacements. They come in to a room put the record (yes, a record. it was 1985) on the turntable and sit on the couch. The camera then shows nothing but the stereo speaker for the rest of the video.

In Canada MuchMusic runs Frommage at the start of each year and they show the worst of the previous year’s videos. Nothing can top the one several years back when Janis Joplin did a duet on the song Ball and Chain. Janis was singing with Wayne Newton… “Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans”-John Lennon 1980

That Asia video, the one with the gymnast flipping around, while the screen keeps mutating into a whole bunch of little screens…aaaaaaaaaagh! The song is stuck in my head, but the title escapes me. Why can’t it be the other way around???