Really dumb stuff your pet does: no cute allowed.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

I have two beagles that eat bleeping ANYTHING but their favorite food is cat poop. Going for walks with those two is enough to gag a maggot: they troll along with their faces 1.5 inches from the ground and snork up anything they can find. Their preference is putrid, decaying dead shit, or just shit. The other day a song came to me spontaneously as we trundled around the block; the chorus was

Putrescine, Cadaverine
The tastiest morsel I’ve ever seen
Dead squirrel, dead birdy
And for dessert, a tasty turdie
Their nickname is Two Dogs No Brain.

62

Every damn summer, when I was a kid, trying to clean skunk stink off Blackie the mutt who couldn’t remember what a skunk looked like.

63

One of our cats has been outside a few times. She was a stray, after all, so that’s where we found her, and when she was younger we used to let her out every so often. Then she stopped liking it, so we started keeping her inside. She’s since gotten outside twice…and both times, she was TERRIFIED. She was so terrified the first time that she ran away from anyone who tried to catch her. And keep in mind, these are people she loves and cuddles with when she’s at home. But nevertheless, she’d see us coming, her tail would puff up, and she’d run. Eventually we had to live-trap her to bring her back in the house. After she got out of the trap, we expected her to scoot under the couch and hide…but she acted as if nothing happened! She purred and nuzzled and loved us as if to say “boy, I just had the most TERRIBLE experience! There were big evil creatures that tried to chase me! I’m so glad you guys were here to save me!”

And most recently, she slunk outside yet again, and from the get-go, it was clear that she didn’t want to be out there. She crouched by some bushes, ears back, tail all bushy, OBVIOUSLY scared. My brother-in-law was afraid she’d bolt if he tried to nab her, so he came at her slowly. She did bolt, but fortunately she dashed back inside the house, instead of away from it.

Cat, why do you go out there when you clearly don’t want to? Dummy.

Our other cat poops on the floor by his litter box. Presumably, to him, the floor smells like poop, so he’s figured that this is the place to go. However, then he tries to bury the poop, which…he can’t. Because, y’know, it’s the floor? And NOT the litter box? But, bless him, he tries. It’s a storage area with a bunch of folded up boxes and such, so he’ll try to pull down anything he can find, like a folded box, to “bury” the poop.

If you really want to bury your poop that bad, why don’t you just use the freaking litter box?

64

Our German Shepherd, Mojo, is mostly everything you’d expect from a trained K9: Confident, protective, smart, loyal, etc. However, hard-surface floors absolutely flummox him, but only if he stops to think about them. At home, he follows me into the kitchen if there’s any potential that I might possibly be going anywhere near the cabinet where his treats are kept. Once I give him his treat though, he realizes he’s on the laminate floor instead of the carpet, panics, and backs out of the kitchen into the office. The worst, though, is when he’s at work: He is fine on the tile floor in the sqad room, but when it’s time to walk back into the hallway (exact same surface,) he hesitates and panics again.

Same dog: I’ve literally seen him trip over the carpet. He’s a big dog already, and fully-grown, but if he ever grows into his gigantic feet, he’ll be 200 pounds!

65

Bwah!

66

This thread is great.

Oh my god, what did this teaching session even look like?!

Our bullboxer is generally quite a bright guy, a major attention whore, and friendly with other dogs. He’s our protector, and he’s saved my mom in at least one harrowing situation.

But he just looooooooves to chase and vainly attempt to kill…deer.

Big, giant bucks. Oh, he’ll go after them. Run and run and chase them when they’re clearly far away. He won’t go after a dog bigger than he is, like that huge chained Rottie - he’ll just pretend he doesn’t hear it barking at him. But a deer? Shit, they look graceful - and tasty too! If I just sneak up on it reallllly slow this time…

WHAP! He’s been kicked in the nose - twice! - and once required immediate vet attention. Dumb dog. Never learns his lesson.

67

Olive loves plastic bags. Occasionally we’ll forget after grocery shopping and leave one lying around, only to be awoken in the middle of the night by a rustlerustlerustle sound that drives us nuts until one of us finally gets out of bed to put the damn bag in the drawer where she can’t get at it.

One day, my boyfriend was rolling up plastic bags to put in the drawer, and Olive was looking up at him expectantly, so he got the brilliant idea of crunching up several bags into a ball for her to play with.

“Here, Olive! Plastic bag ball!” tosses it at her

The stupid cat bolted in terror and scrunched herself into a shelf under the desk. Boyfriend, confused, approaches her with the ball again - she bolts out of the living room and hides in the dustiest corner under the kitchen table, wide-eyed with fear, with a WTF IS THAT look on her face.

It puzzles us why she loves plastic bags but loathes them in ball form, but that doesn’t stop the boyfriend from amusing himself by terrifying her after every shopping trip following the initial discovery.

68

Cat is very smart EXCEPT that she very, very fastidiously buries her food (but, sadly, never the contents of her litterbox). Every day: bury. Bury. Bury. She will not stop until someone stops her - I think she has brain damage. She also scouts around the house for receipts, bits of cloth, etc., to artfully press into service as food “coverings”. So odd.

The Golden Retriever’s stupidities are legion and far too numerous to list, but wrapping herself around a tree on her leash every. day. and then standing there, panting cluelessly has to rank way up there*. Most Darwinian: quickly walking TOWARDS the headlights of oncoming cars. “Run AWAY from the light!”

*One time, she was staring so intently at what was surely a big juicy brisket waiting for her in the middle of the street that she walked right into a pole. A gardener saw it and laughed so hard I thought he was going to pee. It’s a good thing she’s pretty…

69

You folks are making me feel soooo much better about my underachiever.

:smiley:

70

We don’t have a cat flap, so Mitzy needs to let us know when she wants to go out. Most of the time, she’s pretty good. She’ll either come up to us and start meow meow meow and walk over to the kitchen door, or she’ll sit at the door meowing or, if we really need reminding, she’ll stretch up and rattle the keys that are always sitting in the door lock.

However sometimes we find her just sitting at the door in silence. She definitely wants to go out, because as soon as we make eye contact she’s rattling the keys and meow meow meow. So why sit in silence this time?

Also, in summer, we leave the landing window open, and she can jump out onto the shingles over the kitchen extension and make her way down to the ground. It’s not unknown for her to meow meow meow at the door, be let out, immediately jump to the fence, to the shingles, come in the landing window, walk down the stairs, go to the kitchen and meow meow meow, let me out please.

Stupid cat.

71

I can’t participate because of the “no cute” rule. Everything my dog does is cute… Also she is a genius. :slight_smile:

72

Brian Griffin: What the hell? This rope was a lot longer, and now it’s somehow gotten shorter. What sort of black magic is this?

73

well, when the mouse that i’m trying to catch (by hand, mind) hides UNDER the cat, i have to object to the title “Mighty Huntress”

74

My dog is constantly knocking stuff over and bumping into stuff. She just does not watch where she is going. For a while we tried scolding her when she knocked something over, in the hopes that she would learn to be more mindful. The result was that she looked guilty anytime anything fell over or was dropped, even if she was no where near it. She cannot tell the difference between when she knocks something over, or someone else does.

75

The other cat covered up her poop. Then showed her how things work by digging a hole, doing their business, then covering it up like they’re supposed to. Spatially-challenged cat saw it and the next day, went back to doing it the usual way. I think she knows what she’s supposed to be doing, she just can’t get her head around the fact that her ass doesn’t magically appear over the hole by itself.

76

This is did, not does, and small potatoes next to most of the stories here.

But we had a cat who could not grasp the concept of lateral movement. If he was in the path of you as you were walking forward, he would back up within the same path (usually not nearly fast enough, so you would end up tripping over him). He absolutely would NOT simply move to one side or the other. Occasioned much swearing over the years.

77

The chickens hate going back in the coop when I’m going somewhere, so I usually have to chase them around the yard with a stick. They know I want them in the coop, because they’ll obey… most of the time. It always seems to be when I’m in a hurry and gotta go that they misbehave.

78

Mr. Horseshoe’s family had a black Lab when he was growing up who did not posess a Reverse gear. He just could. not. back. up. So if he walked up to a door or some shrubs or something and then found his pathway blocked, he got completely flummoxed. Wound up having to make the tightest U-turn you’ve ever seen, every time.

Made him a royal pain when he was underfoot in a crowded kitchen. He couldn’t back out of the way!

79

Cat #2 (Miss Minx) is Dim with a capital D. Loveliest grey and white mottled Maine Coon mix you ever did see, with cotton candy fur and big blue eyes. Unfortunately the brains didn’t come with the fur. She’ll often try to get away from the path I’m taking by darting right under my feet and getting kicked in the process. Five years and counting and she’s still not got the concept of left and right worked out. She’s also terrified of me if I carry around anything large enough to change my outline (laundry, boxes, what have you). “OH MY GOD THERE IS A GIANT MONSTAH IN HERE, I MUST FLEE AT ONCE.”

Cat #1 (Daniel the Terrible) never buries his doings in the box because he’s too dumb to turn around. Instead he’ll get out and scrabble a bit on the tile floor right next to the box despite the fact that this does absolutely nothing at all for covering it up.

80

Good god, I pictured my future MIL’s two idiot cats doing this, and it is just priceless.