Really, What Choice Did I Have?

When I was a teenager I was sitting on the porch one afternoon - my cat was lying in the sun on the lawn, riiiiiight beside one of those in-ground sprinklers. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

I reached over and flipped the sprinkler switch. The head popped up, spraying water, the cat spazzed right out and ran. Poor, soaking wet, little kitty.

My chemistry teacher said this exact thing yesterday in class. Crazy.

It’s a cold winter day, radiators are driving the humidity down, the cat is in fact on the radiator cover. I shuffle forward slowly, wool socks across nylon carpet.

“Hi kitty, want me to scratch your nose?”

No joke.

If you’re going to do that to the cat, I can’t imagine what you’d do to the sheep. Wait, I can imagine it, I just don’t want to. :smiley:


Well, it also involves a vacuum cleaner, and at least two of the attachments…

I never intentionally scared my cats with vacuum cleaners, the fear just seemed to be inherent in them. Many years ago I was carrying one of my cats out of a room he was not supposed to be in and there was one of those small Shop Vacs sitting on a dresser. I brushed by it as we walked past and the cat freaked and dug his back nails into my upper arm and took off. I still have those three claw marks on my arm and that was about 16 - 17 years ago. I call them my Clan of the House Cat marks.

If you want to gaslight a wide variety of mammals and don’t have the $$ to invest in an in-ground sprinkler system, you can buy one of these, set up a flash camera to trigger when it goes off, and have hours of good clean fun.

I don’t really like cats, yet I find myself enjoying this thread immensely.

I was thinking what a mean thing to do to an innocent widdle kitty, but then I remembered how hysterically funny it is to get a kitten to play with a balloon. It almost makes you believe in teleportation - the cat and balloon disappear near simultaneously!

What?..Nobody’s posted a pic yet?..y’all know the rules, link to the kittehs!

Just quoting because it deserves it. Brilliant.

Of course the most fun mammal to use that on would be your fellow humans.

I did this to one of my cats when he was a kitten. He was batshit TERRIFIED of balloons for the rest of his life.

This same cat also once jumped up on our glass-top coffee table, looked down and OMG THERE’S NOTHING BETWEEN ME AND THE FLOOR AAAUGH! He went spread eagle and cried pitiously until I picked him up and put him on the floor. He never jumped up on the coffee table again, and he often shot it dirty looks.

Whoops…sorry. Ok, here’s Boo, he of the vacuuming.

Funny thing…for a couple of days now, he’s had that same look on his face whenever I’m around.

Almost forgot…in a similar vein:

The Littlest Briston and I visited my brother yesterday. We were out on his back deck while he used the hose (with the long-distance sprayer attachment) to fill the various birdbaths in the backyard. TLB was fascinated.

When my brother was done, he set the hose down, walked to the faucet, and turned off the water. TLB walked over to the hose, picked it up, and proceeded to look straight down the barrel of the sprayer. Now, did you ever stomp on a hose that was just turned off? If so, you know a nice blast of water will come shooting out of the hose.

I looked at my beloved, not-quite-three-year-old daughter, holding the sprayer up to her face, and then down at the hose curling around by my feet. Then over at my daughter again, who gave the hose a little shake, wondering where all the water went. Then back at the hose by my feet.

Then I decided a while scaring the crap out of a cat is good for a cheap laugh, making my daughter cry was a different story. I couldn’t do it.

Hal, brother, I used to feel sorry for you because it seems like you can’t be involved in a single thread without people bringing up the … well, you know.

But, man, after this thread, I just don’t know.

Oh, dude, he is so going to eat you in your sleep.

I almost forgot about the time I (stupidly) turned on the vacuum in the bathroom while my cat was sitting in the space between the toilet and the tub. He used my whole body as an escape route, climbing up my legs, over my torso and across one arm to leap to freedom. I had multiple puncture wounds surrounded by quarter-sized bruises.

So use this power wisely!

See, this is why people need siblings - who else is going to teach you to not stare down the barrels of a hose?

You’re a dead man. I’m sorry. That is the face of diabolical revenge.

…but man, it was a funny OP. :slight_smile:

Isn’t Boo the one that got the bag stuck on his head? I seem to remember you posting about that.