Your sister sounds pretty exasperating but like…you knew she was a snake when you invited her in.
Are you frustrated more with yourself for falling for her shit again? I’d be pissed if I took off work for that shit too, but I wouldn’t be online complaining about it. I’d be all “Argh, can’t believe I let her get over on me again!!”
My brother, while I love him dearly and we are very close, has this “way” about him that he very much coasts through some aspects of life and has things handed to him that I really have to struggle for. Sometimes I get really fed up with all the stuff he gets, especially when he’s once again walked out my door having somehow gotten something off me.
But by now - we’re in our mid-30s - I’m just better off realizing that this is how it’s gonna be. He’s always going to be my brother. I can only control my own actions and I will. I don’t have to LOVE the way he is but I also can’t change it.
Sounds like you are about to - hopefully - come to that realization too. Sorry it took your only vacation week to do so
Perhaps I didn’t read the OP as carefully as I should have. AnthonyElite, I seem to have missed the part where you explained why you invited your sister. Could you go over that bit again, please?
How can you think such a thing when your memories are that she behaved like a sociopath? Apparently, you’ve never been “all happy under one roof”. You wanted to build now a cozy family relationship that never existed? I’m thinking your unreasonable expectations might have been perceptible and that it might have made your sister be even more distant than she would naturally be? Maybe she found you were pushy?
In these types of situations, I find it’s usually best to adjust one’s expectations. But not until I have the sort of experience the OP describes which serves to remind me that, it’s usually best to adjust one’s expectations.
This. He should have punched the fiance in the dick and thrown his phone is the water too. And just for good measure he should have punched his sister in the stomach because you know that baby is going to grow up to be a twat just like the sister and it deserves it.
Dude, My Idiot Brother and I had a hell of a fight last time I went home. We don’t get along. We never has. He has some views that I think are incredibly stupid. I think he takes advantage of my parents.
But I just call him an asshole.
Your sister sounds cut from the same cloth. Not a sociopath, but not very pleasant either.
Your sister and her fiance, by their repeated rude indifference, were telling you, without using actual words, that they weren’t interested in you. At some point, you should have cut your losses and moved on.
So while I’m going to blame day 1-3 on your sister, you’re responsible for days 4-7 because you kept trying to force an intimacy that obviously wasn’t there. Fool me once, and all that.
As Sattua so succintly put, “Don’t go to such efforts to entertain her again.”
I’m sorry you were hurt by their actions. I’d take the “hint” and not try again. Save up your money,'cause that baby is going to be needing a favorite auntie.
My sister is 25, and they paid their way to us, but we put them up and drove them around. That is usually how it’s done in my family.
I completetly agree PunditLisa, that some of this is for my blame. That was partly why I wrote this up and I guess I wanted to express my final realization that family is just another group of people that you don’t owe anything to. I was bending over backwards trying to keep her in my life and she was acting as thought it were a big favor for her to know me. I’m finally understanding, at 27 years old, that I shouldn’t spend one moment thinking about people that want nothing to do with me. I know that’s silly but I guess that is life. We can be so intelligent in some areas and so stupid and stubborn in others.
If I had a chance to go on vacation with you or your sister, I’d pick your sister by a landslide. At least with her, I could ignore her right back and still enjoy my vacation. That sounds a lot better than having my friends insulted, my pregnancy ideas mocked, and forced to spend FIVE hours in the car driving around during my vacation, play some kind of video game, and listen to you explain how to make pizzas.
Sometime between 2008 and 2009. It’s still really rude, but everybody does it now. Be a better person and don’t do it to others. If you’re interviewing someone for a job or on a date with someone and they rudely play with their phone, feel free to dump them. Otherwise, it’s been 6 years. Time to quit getting angry.
Had you made all those plans without telling them? And, how long had your sister known she was pregnant? If she found out just a few days before flying down, perhaps she simply hadn’t wanted to change everybody’s plans. It is possible that she also hasn’t still learned that you make plans she is expected to participate in, without asking for her input.
I sympathize with you AnthonyElite - I especially hate people constantly playing with their phones while (I thought) we were supposed to be doing something together. And I know the disappointment (including in yourself) of hoping to have fun with people and feeling like they’re dragging their feet again.
On the other hand, I feel quite resentful when other family members make plans for me with the intention of having some perfect family get-together without asking my opinion. Especially with a lot of people around in a small space, someone always trying to push everyone into having their idea of fun is kind of like being constantly poked in the ribs until you just want to punch the poker in the face. I don’t know if that’s a fair description of your actions, but it might be from your sister’s perspective.
That is what I’ve been trying to get across - I called her initially to get together after she had expressed a few times that she’d like to see me, but didn’t have the funds for a hotel. My older sister wanted me to let her know she could stay at her place, so I told her as much while helping her with student loan paperwork.
We talked about things we’d like to do and all in all she seemed to be on the same page. I can see if we wanted to travel and they didn’t. Okay - that’s tough to push her all around. But she didn’t even want to do anything staying home. I get it if you just want a vacation to sit around and recuperate, but if that is all you wanted why would you fly 1000 miles for that? We could have chatted through text a few times in our own homes with about as much interaction as we had.
Sounds like you need to talk with someone, 'cause I’m not sure how one can claim to be “duped” by a pre-vacation discussion about all the things to be done on the vacation, and then talk about sister being a pathological liar. Surely you’d know before the vacation that your sister’s moods and behavior change with the weather, and that she may feel a compulsion to manipulate people, be a drama queen, make everything about her, etc. = narcissist = and what the chances are that your buttons will be pushed to engage in what may be seen by others as odd or mean behavior to get back at her.
