Wacky sister shit

The BBQ Pit
1

So yesterday we had family and friends over for an early Easter dinner as I worked today. This is the first gathering my girlfriend (I’ll call her O)and I have had since she moved in. She was totally looking forward to it. She wanted it to be perfect and put in a ton of work on the house and on dinner.

So everyone shows up, including my sister and her boyfriend. A little background. I almost did not invite my sister. We did Thanksgiving at my girls house last year before we moved in. During that particular event my sister decided that she had to tell my girlfriend about my alcoholism and depression. According to O my sister did this in a very odd, sneaky way. My sister said something like 'Oh, Slee doesn’t drink, oops, can’t talk about that…" The same thing with the depression. Of course, I had already told O about both problems.

So, anyway, everyone shows up. People are having fun and drinking. My sis comes in from the porch at one point and said something to me about the women outside driving her crazy. It was an offhand comment but I should have paid more attention. A little while later another friend came down the stairs and said that I needed to get upstairs as O and my sis were going at it.

This is what happened. Apparently my sis asked O to go for a walk. O said no, lets go look at the bedroom (We recently painted and redecorated it). When they got upstairs my sister starts in on O. She started going off on how O smoking pot was going to cause my sister to lose her job (Huh? WTF?). Sis was yelling and invading her space. O tried to back away but my sister backed her into a corner while going nuts. My sister started telling O that she(sis) was going to destroy our relationship and break us up. Shit was hitting the fan when I got there. My sis was taken out by her boyfriend. O was extremely upset. My Mom and I talked to O. We calmed her down, though she was in tears. She was totally shaken and upset. My Mom was rather upset as well, though she was wonderful to O, telling O that she was part of the family because I loved her and that she hadn’t seen me so happy in years.

So, we calmed O down, though she is still upset today. This was pretty fucked and I was very pissed at this point. O was bullied as a child and her family left a lot to be desired so she took my sisters assault very hard. So there was lots of comforting. O kept saying ‘What did I do?’.

A little while later my sis came back with her boyfriend (who, btw, seems like a good enough guy). She wanted to come in and talk to me. I went to the driveway and told my sister that she could not come in and that we were done. This isn’t the first time my sister has shown total disrespect to me and others in the family. However I got used to ignoring it. My sis is stubborn and will never admit she is wrong. She is overbearing and will argue about anything for days. To keep the peace the family started just saying ‘Yeah, sure’ and moving on. Probably a bad idea. We should have told her that her behavior was unacceptable earlier.

Anyway, I told my sis that she wasn’t to come in and that I was done with her. I went back upstairs. My sister started freaking out about a bowl she had brought. (Yep, my sis had been drinking) At that point my Dad went outside to deal with her. Apparently my sis then got in my Dads face and started screaming at him. My Dad is a totally reasonable man. He is not violent. My sister was in his face screaming and would not back off. So he grabbed her and pushed her back. My sis freaks even more at that point. My Dad then told my sister that he is done with her. Apparently at that point my sisters boyfriend got her into the car somehow and left.

So, my sis, got drunk, assaulted my girlfriend and then assaulted my Dad. Happy Fucking Easter, huh?

My sister has had a lot of problems in the past that were not her fault. She did help, sort of, when I was drinking. I gave her slack because she is my sister and I love her and understand that she has had some tough things happen in her life.

However, this was way too much.

My parents are rather freaked out. Especially because I told them that I wouldn’t have anything to do with sis anymore. I backed off that a bit. I just got done writing a letter to her. I will probably re-write it another time or two before I send it. The basic outline is that the only way I will have her in my life is if she treats me and O with respect. Her behavior was way beyond unacceptable and that I will not longer deal with it because it is now affecting the love of my life. The only way she will be in my life is if she starts treating everyone with respect.

My sis had some serious issues. I want her to be happy and in my life. However, I am not going to put up with this kind of shit.

Anyway, to the point of this whole thing and make it somewhat pit worthy:

Sis, grow the fuck up. You are not the smartest person on the planet. You are not the center of everyone else’s world. You act like a petulant 12 year old. AND I AM SICK OF YOUR SHIT. GROW THE FUCK UP.

Slee

2

Good lord, that sucks. I have a few crazy people in my family (that is, bad crazy - the type you describe), and so feel I should voice my support for the ultimatum you’re making here (that is “I’ll have you in my life if you stop acting like such a tool”). It shouldn’t be up to you to tolerate her while she figures out how to not act obnoxious, in my opinion - it should be up to her to tolerate your absence from her life until then. Doubly so because of O.

3

FWIW, it sounds like you handled it really well.

Am I correct in thinking that your sister has an alcohol problem that she’s not treating? Whatever treatment you’ve gotten for your own alcoholism may have some resources for dealing with your sister.

4

Props to all others concerned for keeping their heads. Including you.

5

I am not sure about her and booze. She isn’t a daily drinker like I was. However, when she does drink she can drink too much. This doesn’t happen all the time though. I don’t see her enough to really tell if she has a problem. It may be.

Part of the requirements for her to come back is that she cannot drink around me. I don’t usually care if others drink but I won’t deal with her going off. Additionally, she can be rather obnoxious even when she is sober. It isn’t all the time, though she will *always *argue.

At this point I am not sure what to do other than lay out the rules.

Did I mention that she is stubborn? If I tell her she has issues with drinking her default response will be that I am wrong and she’ll get pissed. May have to go down that route anyway. We will see…

Slee

6

That sounds terrible. I’d really like to hear their side of the story, wouldn’t you? Well, it turns out we have O and Sis backstage… come on out, ladies!

7

Ya know, I was thinking on the way to work that it really sucked that my sister managed to turn an Easter party into an episode of Jerry Springer.

Oh well. At least O is feeling better today.

Slee

8

Dry parties are okay too. Sorry this happened and that sis is a psycho.

9

good point. It wouldn’t surprise me if she has her own little problem with the bottle, and is trying to deflect or pacify herself by pointing out your past problems. Further, by the way she went after your GF really makes it seem like she’s hiding something.

as for the letter, I wouldn’t bother. It’s highly unlikely to make things better, and honestly if you are to be done with someone, give it 100%.

10

What RNATB said.

And thank you for telling us the story of O.

What?

11

She doesn’t have to drink every day to be an alcoholic. She is a binge alcoholic. She may only drink on holidays or even less frequently, but she is still an alcoholic. It’s good that you are laying down some boundaries when she happens to be around you and O. Another ground rule you should lay down is that she is not be alone with O, drunk or sober. Maybe even lay down another rule is that she should not be invited into your house again until she got counseling for her alcoholism and anger. You did great btw…it could have definitely gotten worse without your (and your parents) intervention…even your sister’s bf was a help. Basically, it took the energy of 4 people to deal with your sister’s issues…the 800lb. gorilla can’t be ignored much longer.

12

The reference wasnot unintended, to be sure.

**slee **- that stinks; sorry you had to deal and it sounds like you are trying to set up the right types of boundaries.

And it sounds like you and O are doing well…

13

Well, crap, that takes the wit right out of my post.

Good on ya, anyway, slee, for your handling of the matter. Your family (sis included) is in the dark about the unconventional aspects of your relationship, I presume?

14

What’s up re the mention of pot? Did O discuss it or smoke it around your sister? Some people aren’t tolerant of that and it could have set off your sister or she could view it as a threat to your sobriety.

15

A couple things:

  1. I’m missing the assault parts by your sister. I see where she yelled at O and backed her into a corner (I’m assuming she was just yelling in her face and O backed up or did she push her)? And did she hit your dad as well as it sounds like she yelled at him and then he shoved her.

  2. Boundaries. Get them. My sister and Mom hate each other. When I talk with either, they bring the other one up and try and get at one another through me. I quickly put the brakes on that and let them know that if they want to talk to me, it’s not about the other one. Otherwise the conversation is over.

  3. Drama. Your sister seems to love to drink from that cup. Don’t refill it. Not with alcohol or attention. The best way to have resolved part of it would be to escort her out the door and have everyone carry on with the party. Your dad should not have tried to resolve anything by talking with her further. Don’t reward her obnoxious behavior by giving her attention.

  4. Family dynamics. There’s something about roles that some people feel the need to fulfill every time they’re with their family. The expectation that they are going to act a certain way, even as a sane, mature adult, seems to take hold. I’m guessing your sister’s role may have been the shit-stirrer and she might be a relatively good person outside of the family, but quickly falls back into her role when she is there.

  5. Demand a full unconditional apology and do not back down. Tell your sister that you love her (I’ll assume ya do) but that the behavior exhibited was unacceptable and nothing short of a full unconditional apology to you, O, and the rest of the company needs to be made.

  6. Nip it in the bud. If the above are fulfilled let her know that any transgressions will have a greater punishment meted out or that she will be excommunicated. Say what you mean and follow through.

I’m a bit of a hard ass when it comes to this kind of stuff. I never understood people who chose to be around family just because they’re family. I’d rather spend my time on this mortal coil with people who care about me and make me happy (and vice versa) than simply because our genetics share some ties.

16

Assault is simply behaving in a threatening manner. Both instances certainly qualify. The part where it gets physical is battery.

17

I’ve never heard it defined as such.
Wiki calls it:

But M-W supports your point:

18

I could have wrote this. My siblings are depessed and depressing people who were somehow eternally damaged by our less than perfect childhood.

I however, never bought into the ‘oh, poor me’ attitude and consider myself to be a happy person who has over-come a minor hardship.

My father was the glue that held the family together and after he died 20 years ago things just got worse. The culminating event was my mother attempting to tell me, at almost fifty years of age, that I would not be marrying my current wife.

Goodbye mother, goodbye brothers, goodbye sister. And it has been like a huge anchor that has kept me down, was cut free.

Every once in awhile I think it might be nice to talk to them for 5 or 10 minutes, 20 would be too much. But I do not have to carry their "issues’ with me just because we are family.

19

From what I’ve read, it depends on how local statutes specifically define the words.

Still, if someone is so forceful as to back you into a corner and not let you escape, IMNSHO that’s assault even if they play the 8 year-old’s game of “but I didn’t touch you…”

20

“Anyway, I told my sis that she wasn’t to come in and that I was done with her.”

With the father she could also be argued as trying to force her way back on to the property, as she had been told to leave and was attempting to return.

Nasty stuff, hope something can be worked out.

Otara