I don’t want to “praise the Lord”. I’d rather not sing hymns. Don’t wanna be quoted scripture to. I believe in Jesus as a historical figure, but not quite down the idea of virgins giving birth to fleshy little gods. I don’t call myself a Christian.
I don’t need my chakras cleansed, my tarot read, or my chi balanced.
Just want to find a ‘church’ where you go once or twice a week and there’s a sense of community, support networks, teachings of goodness and love. One of my gripes about Christianity is the expectation, IMHO, that you must “admit” that you’re a sinner, you’re no good, it’s only by the grace of God that you don’t burn in hell, etc. I want to be validated as a powerful force in and of myself, my only “destiny” being the consequences of my own actions. And I want my children to learn to live morally and with dignity.
There should be an emphasis on community and personal responsibility, compassion, and unconditional love, but not too woo-woo.
Any suggestions?
Sounds like the Unitarian Church is the perfect fit for you.
From what I’ve learned on the SDMB, I agree with Shagnasty; the UU might come closest to your beliefs. With any luck some actual church members will reply with more complete information.
Good luck in your search.
Veb
Yes, do give us UU’s a try. You might find what you’re looking for.
I hit submit before I actually gave any useful information. UU’s are a diverse bunch. In my fellowship, we have atheists, humanists, wiccans, B’hai, Reform Jews, kind-of-sort-of-Chrisitians, a Sufi, a formerly muslim family, a couple of Quakers, pantheists, deists, and everything in between. What we have in common is a commitment to social justice, a passion for social action, and a respect for the individual path we all must walk. Our seven principles, that we all agree to affirm and promote are:
The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
The right of conscience and the use of democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
The goal of world community with peace, liberty and justice for all;
Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
Our services can vary from a sermon of sorts given by a minister to a drumming circle to learning about Native American spiritual practices to talking about healthy sexuality to an examination of the poetry of Rumi, etc. I’ve learned so much and made such good friends and feel like I am making a difference. We disagree about many things, but we cherish those differences. The seven principles are our common bond. Even though many in my fellowship are not religious, we tend to be a very spiritual group.
What do you need religion for? Volunteer at a hospital, hospice, homeless shelter, school, old-age home. Do some actual good instead of standing around praying and chanting.
I agree with Eve. Join a book club; volunteer in your community; play canasta. You don’t need a church – you need a social club!
Can you grow dreadlocks?
From here:
Church of the SubGenius. They’ve got slack! 
Nah. Try tantric Kundalini, take the Hindu fast track in this age of Kali. Tho the sitting on corpses whilst praying can be a little antisocial, it isn’t required. Or become a Zorochastrian they could probably do with getting new converts.
Why not start your own religion?
Well, yes, I already do volunteer work, for women and children that live in a shelter. I’m not into “standing around praying and chanting”. What I am actually looking for is a church-like setting but without the fear and damnation aspects. Something that is for tending to my spiritual side, and my children’s.
I grew up Methodist, and while I don’t miss the negativity of religion, I do miss the ‘fellowship’- for lack of a better word.
I have considered UU, and now I’m convinced to try it. Being extremely shy, it’s going to be really difficult for me to walk into a large building where everybody probably already knows each other, but I’m going to suck it up and try it.
Thanks for your recommendations!!
Bow down to Og. Og like bowing. Also scraping. Scrape to Og. Bow and scrape to Og, or Og SMASH!
Sorry, not making fun.
I rarely, if ever, hear anyone say that that one aspect of Christianity bothers them; that is, their propensity to proclaim "Yes, we are all peices of shit, we are worthless, it’s only through Jesus that we get to go to heaven instead of perishing in the flames of Hay-ell!!!
It bothers me, personally, a great deal. On the one hand you’re taught (if you have decent parents and teachers) that you’re powerful, you can do anything, you can be anything if you work hard enough. Then Religion comes along to tell you you’re nothing- if anything, you’re inherently “bad” and you need to be saved. 
I always think, “Saved? Saved from what?”
Another thing that bugs me is their obsession with BLOOD and DEATH.
Ew.
like others have said…i would check out a unitarian church…they don’t care who you are!!!
but the church of the subgenius is looking better and better every year.
I agree with Eve. You don’t need religion. In fact, since it sounds like you want some of this stuff for your kids, you might be doing them a favor by not involving them in a religion at all. Why pass on a tradition of superstition?
Unfortunately, all-ages non-religious social organizations can be a bit hard to come by, especially ones that are free of charge. My first thought would be to check with local natural history museums or something like that.
Best of luck!
Join the Church of Man. The tenents are simple: Thou art God. Grok it?
Heck, you can just join the Church O’ Bib. I’ve got all you want and more for the low, low price of just $49.99 a month.
We do a Unitarian church (not too often) partly for the kids. The nice thing about UU Sunday school is that its “comparative religion for the elementary school set” Not judgemental, but a good basis. UUs definately don’t pass down a superstition to their children. They pass a value set. (If you are a big Republican, pro-Life, conservative moral compass, homosexuality is bad type, you may not like the value set - also UUs are big on personal responsibility, so if you are anything goes, you may not like the value set). And my kids will have someplace other than a courthouse to marry in.
Summer isn’t a great time to try a UU church - they often close down for the summer (or at least they do around here).
Is there a Secular Humanist organization in the area? That would fit your needs and no god to worry about.