In this thread, knock knock asked whether the punch line quoted above actually caps a joke. I found that it does indeed:
*A general was visiting a military hospital during the (fill in your favourite war here) and was being a right old prat as generals always are. As he approached each soldier he asked him why he was there … he got all sorts of wonderful answers: Shrapnel in the shoulder, head wounds, dose of the clap etc.
Finally the general approached one poor tommy (british soldier) who was so heavily sedated that he didn’t have a clue what was going on. “What happened to this poor chap?” enquired the general.
“He was shot in the arse sir.” quoth the orderly.
“Rectum man, rectum!” snapped the matron.
“Rectum? Damn near killed the poor bastard!” said the orderly.*
For this thread, a twist on the Jeopardy! format will be employed. One Doper gives the punchline; the next poster gives the set-up. Since thatDDperson commented on my knowledge of this joke, I’ll begin with:
A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender turns around, sees the string, and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve strings here.”
The next day, the piece of string walks in and orders a beer. The bartender leans over the bar, quite angry and says, “We do NOT serve strings in here. Leave immediately!”
On the third day, the string walks by the bar, tousles up his hair, and ties himself up at his midsection. He walks in and orders a beer. The bartender bellows, “I thought I told you we don’t serve strings here!!” The string replies, “No, I’m a frayed knot!”
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender notices he has a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender asks the pirate what the steering wheel is for. The pirates says he has a terrible case of crabs. The bartender asks what does a steering wheel have to do with crabs.
A doctor is examining an attractive woman who needs a rectal examination, and she says: “Doctor, you’ve put your finger in the wrong place”.
I haven’t heard that one since high school, more than thirty years ago. Then as now, it seems to me that the joke is on the doctor if a woman can’t tell the difference between his instrument of procreation and a finger.
And I still don’t find the joke funny.
On the other hand, I find this punchline funnier without the joke:
And then the parrot says: “Hey! Mine too! I think it’s all the salt water.”
A guy brings home a talking parrot as a gift for his wife. The next day when he’s at work, the parrot says “Hey baby, how about a quickie?” As punishment, she puts it in the fridge for 10 minutes. The next day, the parrot says the same thing and gets the same treatment. The 3rd day, the parrot says “Hey baby, how about letting me put my beak under your skirt.” This time she puts him in the freezer for 10 minutes. When she takes him out he says…
(except when I heard it the punchline was What did the turkey do, ask for a blowjob?)
Was funnier than either joke.
Do you give a punchline you know or one you wish you knew the joke to?
This could be the punch line to joke which used to be considered sophisticated wit among fifth graders:
A man is having sex with a whore whose vagina is so huge he falls in. After wandering around he bumps into another guy, and he says “I think I know the way out…”
The way I first heard it the punchline was: “hop on my motorcycle and we’ll drive around till we see daylight.”
Was the joke about the parrot supposed to be a match with my punch line about the parrot? I don’t understand how they pair up.
Let’s try again:
“So the parrot says: hey! Mine too! I think it must be all the salt water.”