I don’t know if this should go here or in Thread Games, but here it is.

The canonical joke is something like:

Little Johnny comes into class crying. The teacher asks why, and he says “I was walking to school and a car hit my dog in the asshole.” Teacher says, “Rectum, Johnny, rectum!” Johnny says, “Wrecked’im? Damn near killed him.”

I didn’t know the canonical joke walking home from the train today. I had only ever heard the punchline, so I tried to come up with a joke that would actually work with the punchline. I don’t like the way the canonical joke scans that well anyway, because it wouldn’t make sense to Johnny with the teacher saying “wrecked him” twice. (Way to ruin a joke, RS). When I got home, I searched here, of course, and there were lots of threads with the existing joke or obvious variants (one by Richard Pryor, one from an old Irish play).

I thought it would be fun to come up with our own. Here’s my bad one:

Guy 1: “…so, he was bent over when I released the arrow.”
Guy 2: winces “Ouch! Rectum?”
Guy 1: “Wrecked him? Damn near killed him!”

I suppose, with any luck, this thread will die quickly and my “joke” will fall off the front page. Anyway, any comedians out there want to contribute? It should be different from the original.

I’ve heard it as one guy being reluctant to say “asshole,” and searching for a better word, and the other guy trying to help:

Guy 1: “…and that’s when the bowling pin went right up his… ah…”
Guy 2: “Rectum?”
Guy 1: “Wrecked him? Damn near killed him!”

I love the SDMB. I had never considered whether there was an original joke.

The revised offerings work better. The choice of “bowling pin” helps the Funny for some reason. :wink:

Me, neither. I thought the punchline itself was the joke. I only ever heard it as the last part of a conversation in a TV show or movie.

Miller, thanks for bailing out the thread!

(on an unrelated note, the new board format makes it really hard to make things bold on my phone)

This is the one joke you can tell with only the punchline, and everyone laughs.

Though I feel it should have a “hell”. The extra cursing really brings it home. Emphasizes that Johnny swears all the fucking time.

“Wrecked’em? Hell, damn near killed 'em!”

Every time I hear this one, I’m reminded of “I bucked one, and Tim bucked two!”
I think it’s because in both cases I’ve heard multiple versions of the lead in joke for the same punch line.

On a related note, I remember answering an anatomical question with, “Scrotum? Damn near rectum.”

No it taint.

And I think of “Fucker? You fuck her, you brought her!” and any variation of the “-er” words where this works.

Ah, here come liquor, poker, and whatever else always seems to happen on opposite sides of the house.

the format of this joke reminds me of this one:
( FYI: in Boston, there was a hospital called Peter Bent Brigham Hospital, now part of Brigham and Women’s Hospital)

man staggers out of hotel into taxi, holding his crotch in his hands
Take me to the hospital!
Cabbie: The Peter Bent?
Man: I think the damn whore bit it off!

● Did you hear about the butcher’s assistant who got his ass in the meat grinder?
● Rectum.
● Wrecked’im? Damn near killed him.
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.
Did you hear about the butcher’s female customer who backed into the same meat grinder?DisasterHint: (Dis-assed her)

I think he should move that meat grinder to a safer place.

Do you know why Lawn Darts are illegal?