Red Light District

The BBQ Pit
1

Mmm…hum ta tum… hmm hmm… *Mon Dieu! *What is this? Is it that the traffic light has turned green? The light is green? Do my eyes deceive me? I must look again.

Is this, then, the color men call Green? I should be certain before taking my foot off that which men call Brake. One cannot be too careful, in these uncertain times.

Yes, it appears green. But, then, what if that which men call Eyes, that is to say, my eyes, are at fault? What if they have chosen to betray me? Mais non, non, the traffic in the lane NEXT to me is advancing, which I think they would not do if the light was still red. Still, there need not be haste. One should consider such matters at length, rather than make an expensive mistake.

Is it, then, if it is truly green, green ENOUGH? Perhaps if I wait, it will grow greener, and thus, more auspicious for acceleration…

Sacre merde! Why is this silly man in the automobile which men call Behind Me, honking, and being discourteous and disharmonious, thus disturbing my subtle meditation on the greenness of the traffic light? Fool! Mouton! Your impatience shall be the death of you!

Now I must start over… eh? What is this? The light, she is NOT green. She is, 'ow you say, yellow! Ah! So it is not for this time to advance my automobile through the intersection! Plainly, I must wait for a better time. Fortunately, I am in no hurry whatsoever, and perhaps, to the eyes of those outside my vehicle, high as a treeful of monkeys.

The man behind me, why has he in his hand the tire iron? And why does he leave his vehicle…?

2

I was at an inservice yesterday, which is the euphemism in the education biz for “the kids are off this day, and we still have to pay you, but we just can’t stand to let you get anything useful done, much less give you a paid day off, so you have to come in and attend boring lectures that may or may not have anything to do with you.”

So I was not in a good mood. Finally, lunchtime. I ducked out to go find a hamburger or dead bird or something. And this fellow got ahead of me at the traffic light.

I don’t know if he was high. Or French, for that matter. And while I did not leave my car or dig out the tire iron, I did honk at him. He looked at me irritatedly over his shoulder, and returned to his unmoving contemplation of the green light…

He finally got the message on the second rotation. Luckily. I have no idea what was going through his mind.

3

Obviously he was texting, and he knew he shouldn’t text and drive. You shouldn’t have tried to make him into a criminal! For shame!!!

4

He wasn’t texting. He wasn’t looking downward, the way a driver will when he’s holding his phone. Both his hands were on the wheel. And he was looking at that green light like it held the secrets of the universe…

5

Maybe it was the EMT vehicle, 3 firetrucks and 2 police cars with their lights and siren on that were confusing him and impeding his progress? He could have threaded between them if he tried.

6

Congratulations would seem to be in order. You appear to have found Jim Theis’s follow-up novel to The Eye of Argon.

Boy, first Harper Lee, then Jim Theis. What’s next, Ralph Ellison presents: The Invisible Man II (Tanned, Rested, and Ready)?

7

It probably would have been the tire iron if he’d stuck around for round three. :smiley:

8

If the driver was French, of course he wouldn’t understand a green light, he was waiting for a vert light.

9

I had this happen to me a few years back - large SUV - we set thru three rotations and I walked up to the drivers side window

“Is everything OK?”

“Yes, why?”

“Well, we were kinda wondering if you had a problem with the concept of ‘green means go’ - we’ve been here for 3 cycles now”

“I wanted to turn left and was waiting for the arrow”

“That’s great - perhaps you should consider getting in the LEFT turn lane instead of the straight lane.”

10

So… there was a turn lane… and presumably a green arrow for the turn lane… and this ape was waiting for a green arrow in the STRAIGHT lane?

11

I see ever more drivers on the road assuming that the through lane immediately next to the left-only lane is always also eligible as a discretional left-turn lane, in order to wind up in the rightmost lane when you get to the other road :mad: If this is a detector-controlled signal, however, the left turn arrow light gets activated* if*** the sensors read a car in the dedicated turn lane. Otherwise you just get plain green.
And even where there is no dedicated turn signal, people seem forget that unless otherwise posted forbidden, a plain steady green light allows one to turn, if traffic is clear.

12

This is the place where we shall converse. Yes, it is at the doorway and there are five of us but we must converse here now. We would feel exposed should we move five feet in any direction and have lots of open space so doorway it is. And we should have strollers and backpacks that we set upon the ground.

Why are people bumping into us? This doorway which is the only portal between two high traffic areas is no longer useful to us so why are others trying to walk through it. We are quite sure that they can easily navigate past us after stepping over our backpacks and ducking our wildly gesturing arms.

And lets squeel loudly as we greet even more friends at this doorway!

13

Reminds me of the time that I was behind someone in the Left turn lane, and we were waiting for the left turn arrow, except for the fact that the %$#^#^%@ in front of me was about 25 feet back from the white line, and thus not sitting on the sensor. It was slightly understandable, because people making a left turn from the road coming in from the right were using the 25 feet of lane in front of him to make their turn, but still, we would have sat there forever. After two cycles I wanted to get out, but that would have put me in oncoming traffic, so I did the next best thing. I rolled down my window, and at the top of my New York lungs I yelled, “IF YOU DON’T PULL UP TO THE LINE, THE LIGHT WILL NEVER TURN!!!” The guy looked around, as if he had heard the voice of God, and slowly pulled up to the line. The arrow miraculously illuminated on the next cycle. Imagine that!

14

What, you are not gathered in front of where the escalator/peoplemover ends, figuring out where to go next?

I am imagining that yelled with the full Noo Yawk accent.

15

Yep - 3 lanes - 2 straight adn a left- multiple cars turned left at the signal while she waited for the straight lane light to giver her the the arrow.

I finally convinced her next time the other lane had the arrow - to take it when the traffic cleared.

16

Yup - or the person parked a full car lenght beyond the line at a narrow intersection -(2 2 lane roads) such that anyone turning left accross teh front has to go well out of the way to do so and the light won’t change for that either.

I hates idiot drivers - I hates them forever.

17

I lived and drove in Greece for a few months.
Now, at many intersections, the traffic lights are only positioned at the near side. And what happens is, you stop at the lights. Then some scatamalacca comes along behind and goes around and stops in front of you. At the fucking lights. And now, they are too far forward to see the lights change so you have to beep them to tell them to move. End result is they are actually delayed compared to if they just stopped behind you. But hey, Stavros got to beat you.
Even Turks drive better.

18

My peeve is with lane blockers who stop 25 ft. behind the car in front of them and end up blocking the entrance to either a right or, even worse, a left hand turn lane.

I’m fine with then leaving a little space between cars… but for fuck’s sake, take your finger out of your nose and look up from your smart phone to realize you’re blocking the flow of traffic in both lanes causing people to miss the left turn green for the next 2 cycles.

And if I a give you a polite “move the fuck up, please” toot on the horn then at least look up from your ignorance and realize that you’re the fucking idiot everyone is honking at and move the fuck up enough to let everyone pass. That doesn’t mean inch forward a foot then return to staring at your crotch!

It is fucking amazing how many people have no spatial or social awareness as to where their vehicle actually is in relation to their surroundings and others around them and how they should act in those situations.

19

Look! Many seats for sitting on! This is the place where we will sit, eat, talk and text! Because no-one ever taught us that SITTING ON THE STAIRS IS AGAINST THE LAW BECAUSE IT IS A SAFETY HAZARD. The building will be closed by the fire marshals if the exits are not kept clear, because history tells us the HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE DIE if the stairs are blocked when there is a fire. Of course that won’t happen BUT THE TRIP AND FALL HAZARD IS THE SAME for every person coming down, even if they don’t die at the bottom of heap of crushed bodies.

20

OP did not contain hookers. Am disappoint.