I never come away from Reddit without at least a chuckle, often a literal LOL.
In a recent sub about the female officer who mistook her glock for her taser - and ended up killing the suspect - the discussion was how, in her court appearance she was made up and dressed to look grandmotherly:
-and that is precisely what the defense wants the jury to think — omg this granny is so fragile she wouldn’t hurt a fly
–Look at the clothes they have her wearing and everything. Slimy fuckers
—whoa, holy shit, I see it now, they totally dressed her up like sweet ol grandma
I’ve said before that Reddit is a mountain made of shit, but if you can hold your nose for long enough and dig deep enough, there are some real gems to be found. Here are a couple of my favorites:
On the topic of Black Wednesday, the first Wednesday of every August when the new cohort of junior doctors begin working in the NHS after graduating medical school, where patients are about 6% more likely to die than on other days
On the topic of Germans having a word, or being able to make up a word, for practically any concept you can think of
After a particularly, umm successful bathroom visit, I mentioned I needed a poop knife. Sadly no other Redditors in the house, so it fell on puzzled ears.
Over on r/ostomy we had a few threads on naming stomas - my favorites are Vladimir Poopin and Poopoo Bagins [possessor of the brown ring of the Middle Girth]
Mine is named P’tit Joey, after Joseph Pujol. Side effect of a month on antibiotics, all I seemed to do was fart through my stoma for a month =) At some points it was as if we were holding a conversation =)
In a thread asking how to not make it awkward when a worker is in your home:
Literally what I did while the plumber fixed my garbage disposal the other day. Cleared out anything that might have been in his way, told him I’d be in the other room if he needed anything, sat and watched YouTube until he was done.
-Did you watch how-to guides on fixing garbage disposals with the volume all the way up?
–While clearing your throat aggressively and occasionally saying out loud, oh that’s interesting. So that’s how THEY do it.
—“Top ten things plumbers do wrong when they fix your sink, number 5 will scare you”. On Mac volume of course
My daughter told me Redditors are remembering Betty White, and someone said they were reminded of the Golden Girls episode in which Rose sings “99 Bottles of Beer On the Wall”, but quits when she gets down to two.
A video is displayed of a waiter dispensing wine into diners’ glasses using a back-mounted rig attached to a hose. The waiter holds his finger over the hose to control the flow of wine.
-Is he putting his finger over it like a garden hose?
–Did he wash his hands first?
—If he scratched his butthole before this, it might not be dangerous but it could still affect the flavor.
BTW, thanks to the sdmb subreddit, I discovered this SDMB thread which has brought immeasurable joy to me and immeasurable annoyance to my friends as I try to explain the theory to them.
Reddit users discussing Stephen King. Someone says he writes like an old man (which he is). Someone provides this example of what it would be like if Mr. King were a bit more current:
The man in black yeeted across the desert, and the gunslinger simped.
The desert hit different, huge, standing to the sky for what looked like eternity in all directions. It was sus and cringe and low-key in need of a glow up.
This just proves I’m getting old. I have no idea what that means or why it is funny. I mean, I know it is funny because it is using new hip jargon/slang, but without knowing what the terms mean it loses something.
Maybe it’s just funny to me because I’m familiar with the original. I love the way that old man writes.
The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.
The desert was the apotheosis of all deserts, huge, standing to the sky for what looked like eternity in all directions. It was white and blinding and waterless and without feature save for the faint, cloudy haze of the mountains which sketched themselves on the horizon and the devil-grass which brought sweet dreams, nightmares, death.
As for the slang, I think it’s still evolving but you can dig what they’re laying down, daddy-o.
