What is the most beautiful song you’ve ever heard?
-Father and Son, by Cat Stevens
–This is my family’s “when we all listen to this together we are all balling by the end of it” song
—Bawling
----Roll Tide!
Women who like women, what do you look for in a woman?
-Someone about the same size as me, so if the relationship works out our wardrobes double.
–My gf’s tiny feet are a constant annoyance to me. She’s the same size and height but teeeny tiny feet.
—Sorry to hear that she isn’t your sole mate.
----Wait, lesbians can be dads?
In a thread asking for tips on attending a strip club:
-Don’t jump up on the stage
–I saw a guy do that. It was winter in a cold, Canadian city, and they just threw him outside
—What were they supposed to do, wait for summer?
----Summer wasn’t coming on stage for another 15 minutes
In a thread about nicknames:
-My Grandfather’s name is Richard, how do you get Dick from that?
–Ask your grandmother
In the TooAfraidToAsk thread, a 24 year old was asking about anal sex with concerns that bowel contents may make an appearance.
Response: You can’t just walk into poop’s house and be upset if they’re home.
A Redditer was asking for help deciphering their electrical panel. One of the circuits was labeled “GDO”.
- Do you know what GDO stands for?
–98% it’s Garage Door Opener
—What’s the other 2%
----God Damned Oven
Q: Those who have been shot, what did it feel like?
—My mom said it felt like having a piece of fire in her arm.
------I guess that’s why they’re called firearms.
In the boating subreddit, a user posted a picture of his trailered boat in the driveway. Somehow, an arrow had been shot into one of the seats and he was dismayed over how it could have happened.
Best comment: “Message for you sir!”
In a discussion about high level athletes:
- People just don’t understand that professional (or soon to be professional) athletes are on a whole different playing field than the average person. And on a whole other level from other practitioners of their sport. This is impressive but not because she beat a non pro. It’s impressive because she’s showcasing her skill.
As a d3 runner, even the d3/d1 difference is mind blowing.
A difference of at least 2d.
https://old.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/17shs0l/100_yard_dash/
How do those leather belts that weight lifter wear help them?
-The belt gives the lifter something to brace against when they lift
–It’s similar to the mechanism that makes your willy go stiff but with air instead of blood
—So you’re saying if I get a little championship belt….