I enjoyed Chief Scott’s thread where he claims to be an overseas serviceman and gets all the sexy SD women to describe themselves doing sexy things. In fact, I daresay it got me positively excited! Before i turn on the cold shower, here, was wondering if you ladies could do something disgusting or generally offputting to calm me down here. MAN-HANDS need not apply.
Well. Would farting during sex count?
I heard hilarious joke once. Can’t remember the joke, but the punch line was //affect cheesy Vietnamese accent here//
“Front hole so happy, back hole sing song!”
Hey Dr, before you hit the shower would you mind lancing this cyst? It’s got about 1000 cc’s of putrid gunk in it. You could use a cup to catch it all. Thanks.
::walks in, hand down her pants, scratching vigorously::
I have this rash…
::drops pants, hands cream to Dr_P.::
Could you help me with this?
::scratches ass, farts, sniffs fingers::
::sweet smile, ruined by the stench of a mouth that hasn’t been brushed in a few… DAYS::
Thanks so much.
Well sometimes if I don’t take a bath for a few weeks, I can scrape this thick white cheesy stuff from between my …
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toes.
:slipping into the strap-on:
[singsong voice] Oh Mr. Paprika…
::Picks up corner of sheet and blows nose lustily. Hacks big green loogie onto the pillow, right next to Dr Paprika’s ear::
“I hab a diddle code.” <phlegm-rattling snuffle>
Love me… love my dog.
I SAID LOVE MY DOG!!!
Wow…I never realized I had all these freckles on my stomach before! Hey. How come they’re moving?? HEY!!! Don’t go down there…
So anyway, what time do you want to pick me up, doll? 
dr_paprika, you are my favorite thread-starter. excepting that humorless rant about the atlantic canadian welfare leeches, that is. (insert smirking winky emoticon here) glad you got that off your chest and are back to the business of being funny.
your fan, essvee
Hunny, while your there, will you pop my butt pimple, the damn thing has been driving me nuts. I know you are in the middle of doing me doggy style but can’t you see that thing just glowing in the candle light?
SNORT
Let’s talk about my ex. I want to tell you everything about the relationship.
My lackofgod, can’t a woman pick her nose in peace around here?
No, it’s “turn me on,” “turn me off,” do this, do that - would it kill you to say “please” once in a while? And while we’re on the subject of your manners…
I’ll be with you in a second, but in the meantime I need to drain my cat’s abscesses. Could you just hand me the hydrogen peroxide and cotton balls there? Thanks. Whew - did you ever notice how bad pus SMELLS?
It just hit me; I haven’t shaved my legs in weeks. I bet you I have hairer legs than you do. Wanna compare?
Did you ever get really bored and, like, start braiding your underarm hair…?
I haven’t shaved my legs since sometime last summer. I guess I’m a walking turn-off
Oh, Opal, of course you’re not a walking turn-off. It’s just one of those things guys like to complain about. I haven’t shaved my legs in weeks, but fortunatly, my guy doesn’t mind. He made fun of me once and started pulling my leg hairs, but I just pulled back and that was the end of that. I don’t see much point in shaving during the cold season.
Braiding my underarm hair? Now that you mention it…
Click…