With the help of the internet I was able to find her. It happened 45 years ago. We were both 16. She has kept photos, and all sorts of memorabilia of our years together. She is married with 8 children. She told me her husband had prostrate surgery and his unit no longer functions. Plus he has dementia. She can’t masturbate. Her religion forbids it. Her husband will ask her if she wants an orgasm. If she says yes, he gets out the toys. She says his method is very clinical. Yuk!
She likes to travel the world and she does it alone. Her husband has no interest. She mentioned they took an eight hour drive and he never spoke a word.
She and I would like to get together, but we can’t fool around. Her religion forbids it.
Am I wrong in thinking her god is a piece of shit? Why do people choose a god like that?
Her god is a piece of shit because you’re not getting laid?
So god nixes masturbation but is okay with dildos? Are we talking Mormons by any chance?
More precisely he is a piece of shit because he created something as beautiful as a woman, gave her pleasure senses, then put her in a situation where she can’t enjoy what he has created.
…polymertheism?
You guessed correctly.
You two haven’t spoke in 45 years and once you do, among the first things she brings up is her husband’s lack of sexual ability? And her solo travels? As well as her interest in “getting together” with you? Hmm…Religion-shmeeligion. 
:dubious: She’s the one who married a jerk; I’m pretty sure God didn’t do anything about that.
Which just means more awesome drama if the two do have sex and she gets all guilty and in denial about how she really had been planning that and runs back to her religion and husband, and then yo-yos back and forth.
She chose to marry. You are choosing to lust after her. You’re the one who needs to spank the monkey. Or find another woman, an eligible one.
Don’t worry, you probably will end up fooling around.
Sure sounds like it. Ambivalid as much as said so too.
But we don’t have to hear about it, do we?
God isn’t that big a shit…
Not only do I want to hear about it, I want pictures.
I want video!
So she can travel the world alone, as long as she doesn’t go south of the equator by herself?
I’m curious to know what her wedding vows were.
And just so we’re clear, I was NOT calling Mitt Romney a dildo.
I predict this ends well.
This is the place.
Haha, seriously, this chick is hot to trot…
I’m sure I’ve heard this premise before, except I think it involved a farmer’s daughter and a traveling salesman.