I am at the end of a longterm relationship. 5 years. I’m packing up my stuff to move today (we live together) and I come across a box of letters, pictures, small gifts and tokens of love… ect. It really just disgusts me to look at it now and I have an urge just to toss it, at the same time its a reminder of happy times. I know there’s a “rule” for this situation but I don’t know what it is. Is it normal to keep these sorts of things from a failed relationship or should I just cut all ties and toss it and move on?
I don’t know… but i’ve kept a few small things… nothing much. just whatever brought back a funny memory or whatever. most of the stuff just kinda got tossed.
If you keep 'em, they’ll just be things you hardly ever look at, and when you do they’ll likely summon only sad or remorseful feelings. I speak from experience. Let 'em go, man, and good luck with the future.
I usually pack everything away in a box and stick it up in the attic. Out of sight, out of mind…
Thing is, some months or even years later I’ll go up to the attic to fetch something and end up tripping over said box. I’ll open it, and lo and behold, the past returns…
My reaction depends on the time elapsed since the relationship ended. When I was younger I’d just toss everything. If it’s a box I haven’t look in for a looooooong time, I’ll sift through the contents in a somewhat dreamy memory lane way…
I always have trouble throwing things away. I can’t imagine throwing out a photo, but I can see how it would be cleansing to boot all that stuff in the trash.
Still, maybe grab one or two favorite photos, and just tuck the letters away in a shoebox? You don’t have to look at them. Just HAVE them.
I’m making no sense. I should clean out my closet.
If it still upsets you to look at it, you’re not done and there’s work still to do.
Remember, the opposite of love is apathy. When you don’t give a hairy rat’s ass, it truly is over.
Keep the stuff that gives you pleasure, makes you smile. Give everything else a Viking funeral. Seriously, bundle it up and burn it, it’s amazingly cathartic.
Good luck to you and my condolences, been wounded in the heart a time or two myself, lived to tell the tale.
When my father accused me of trying to “defraud” him out of money and all sorts of other ugly accusations, then boycotted my wedding and tried to convince all my other relatives to do the same, I burned every picture I had of him.
I regret that decision so much now
(I know this isn’t the same, but thought I’d throw it out there anyway)
I’ve kept all my letters and some cards (ones that said something of consequence and weren’t just signed) and have them in a box in the closet. Actually, the one relationship I had where I wound up burning everything in a fit of pique, I regret doing so now. I can’t say I ever really look at them, but like having them around anyway. Besides, someday I can die and have my children and grandchildren clean out my home and read letters from the bunch of weirdos I’ve dated
At the end of my previous relationship I kept everything for a while - until I was less emotional about the whole deal. Then I went through stuff, some I kept, some I didn’t. I’m glad I did it that way, because some of the stuff, I don’t want to see again, but at the same time, I want to acknowlege that he was a big part part of my life for a period of time, and for good or bad, that has helped to shape me into the person I am today. Some things I want to remember because they were good times, and some, I want to remember so that I can try to make sure that they never happen again.
Letters and cards: Keep.
When you get around to reading them again someday, you’ll find they bring back memories you’d totally forgotten, even things completely peripheral to the letter itself.
And when I’m down and thinking that the relationship was a failure, an utter waste of time, and that the ex-husband was a big mistake, reading his letters prove to me that it wasn’t a mistake – that I had a very good reason to be in love with that person at that time. And I remember that he was, truly, in love with me (at that time). And that’s a very good feeling.
I’ve been married three times, (13-years, 6.5 years, 2.33 years… too bad the third one didn’t last 3.25 years – we coulda been talking serial marriage half-lifes… ), and I kept the best letters from each.
Hmm, but, I did have a relationship (between husbands #1 and #2) with a true scumbag. He was poetic, intense – and in love with no one but himself.
I trashed all those cards because they weren’t sincere. There were no memories I wanted to keep.
Depends on the break-up, I suppose. I’m best friends now with my most recent ex, so I kept everything. All the e-mails are still on my computer at work and one of the framed photos on my mantle is of her and I. (The other is of me with my other, male best friend.) And she has a book of all the e-mails that I had made for her.
I’m still rather young (23), but I don’t like throwing out such things. Years from now, I imagine they’ll give me a good look at the person I was then, and maybe even help remain young at heart.
However, I have nothing left from a relationship I had a few years ago. She dumped me a week before Christmas without warning. That doesn’t merit a lot of sentimentality on my part. I don’t regret throwing those things away, actually, because I know now that the “love” I felt in that relationship wasn’t anywhere near as powerful as it was in the first one I mentioned.
I kept some things - mostly stuff that reminded me of the good times. Having been together for 5 years, there must have been some “good times” - keep the mementos that can still make you smile through your tears. If you throw it all away, you may regret it later.
You don’t really have to decide right now, do you? You can always throw stuff away…
I’d wait a while just be sure you don’t trash something you later wish you hadn’t.
but I don’t know what it is. Is it normal to keep these sorts of things from a failed relationship or should I just cut all ties and toss it and move on?
