We may agree or disagree on the number of marriages that end up in divorce, but I think we can all agree that this particular marriage has a good chance of failing.
Should he go through with it, convince him to hold out on kids for at least two years.
If you have evidence she’s been stealing jewelry from you, you could try to get her in jail on counts of theft? Maybe you can get your brother to go on a long vacation somewhere where they can’t talk together? Barring that, I know of only one way to be sure…
That’s interesting; I didn’t realize it had gone down so much–I was figuring a few percentage points, not that many. Still, I can’t see how the divorce rate for first marriages can be higher than the overall number, because everything I’ve ever read suggests that second marriages end in divorce more often than first ones do (and of course some of those go on to several more). Certainly many, many people end up in happy and stable second marriages, but AFAIK that’s how it goes overall. I’ll be interested to see whatever you dig up.
But certainly it’s pretty clear that if our information is accurate, this particular hypothetical marriage is a disaster in the making. It’s very sad, and I’m sorry about it.
Where are they getting married? Some churches require couples to go through pre-marital counseling. Can you talk them into this even if they’re not getting married in a church? (If it’s a good counselor, it’s helpful to everyone, I think.)
GT
Just tell your brother to buy her a house and give her half of everything he owns now, and cut his losses. It’ll save him time, hassle and heartbreak. If he signs the papers, he’ll be doing it eventually, anyway, mandated by a court.
Much the same thing happened to my brother. He got involved with a, well, “harpy” is the nicest thing I could call her, and it was just ugly and demeaning and turbulent. They made a baby, and he’ll be involved with that bi… harpy for the rest of his life. It changed his personality for the worse, and we can’t talk anymore. I can’t imagine your brother wanting anything like this to happen to him. There isn’t anything or anyone in the world worth that kind of debasement.
You could always throw some water in his face and shout “Wake up! You’re getting hosed here!” Then again, you can’t live other peoples’ lives for them. Sometimes they have to make egregious mistakes. If you can’t use logic on him to prevent him from doing himself in, he’ll have to let that scene play out regardless of your concern. I’m sorry for his situation, but not for him. He’s bringing it all on himself. Just like my brother did. He could have walked away at any time, but no. What can you do?
He’s said recently that he wanted to “get away from it” for a few weeks or months, maybe to find a new girlfriend. But with the new developments, he probably won’t want to leave. Though I’m considering buying him a non-refundable one-way plane ticket to Hawaii, drugging him, and putting him on the plane. 
As for the jewelry, our family used to own a jewelry store, which she worked in for a short time. Proving theft would be hard, as she could easily say we “misplaced” something.
I’m thinking relationship counseling might not be a bad idea, if I can convince them of its benefits. It could open his eyes a little.
Please, ZipperJJ stop it with the “Hot Chicks” are evil vibe. :rolleyes:
As to the OP. Some people just have to learn things the hard way. This is especially true when it comes to matters of the heart.
I would only caution you tho’ not to try to “make him see the light” too much as that might ruin your relationship with your brother.