CubHubby’s grandmother was married to a man about 20 years younger than she: He was 23 or 24, she was about 45 and had 7 children (gulp!) at the time they married. It was a good marriage for many, many years. They were married until her death this past year at around age 88 or so. However, there is a huge difference between someone in her 80’s and someone in his 60’s in terms of health, interests, sex, etc. Granny told her kids she knew he had a girlfriend and was very upset about it, but everyone was reluctant to believe it. All doubts vanished when he moved his girlfriend in two weeks after his wife died.
I’m certainly not telling you this to discourage you or anyone else from pursuing a potentially great relationship. All relationships have challenges and their less-than-ideal aspects. Heck, I got married as a teenager, a situation no one in their right mind recommends to anyone and we’re still happy together.
Mrs. Stuffy is 15 years my senior (married 5 years now, dated a year and a half). Most people can’t tell. I knew she was older when we met as she was a customer where I worked at the time, and she had to show ID. She and my Mom get along famously. Come to think of it, she’s the only SO/girlfriend I’ve had that my mother did like.
When I was 25 I dated a 38-year-old for several months. It was a friendly, “let’s see where it goes” kind of thing (we were both very into music and went to a lot of concerts and jazz gigs). We could have taken it further, but neither of us had a burning need to, so we called it a day on friendly terms.
I was suprised how prevalent older woman/younger man relationships are in this thread. Far be it from me to break the trend, TheLadyLion is nine years older than I am.
We’re a diverse bunch here, we are. And don’t forget the self-selecting power of a thread title. Not too many want to come in, keyboards blazing, and say “you women are depraved, hormone-addled harpies and you men are craven, spindly crfetins with mommy complexes.”
I also suspect OW/YM pairings are a little more common among…how shall I put this…n–rds…ie: people who don’t buy into social stereotypes?
A buddy of mine is 26 and is dating a 48 year old woman. They have their ups and downs like anyone else would, but they seem to get along really great. His brother is 22 and just started dating a 33 year old. Maybe it runs in the family.
I’m in a 12 year old relationship with a gentleman 6 years my junior, and it works famously. We motorcycle with another couple who share a 16 (or is it 18???) year split. They’ve been together for 13 years, and at least outwardly, it seems to be working quite well for them also. Both couples own homes together and have gone through major construction projects (if you’ve done that, you KNOW the strain that puts on a relationship).
I think that if you acknowledge the differences age will make sooner for one than the other and work together to accomodate them, there is no reason that age should be any barrier to an otherwise happy, healthy relationship.
When I was 21 I became involved with a woman who was 38. We were together romantically for four years.
We had to be quiet about it because she was a professor at my university and, though I never took a class from her, she could have gotten in trouble.
There was a lot more than age difference between us. She was east coast, I was Wyoming. She was Jewish, I was raised Catholic. She was a leftist, I just wanted to know where my next beer was coming from. She was intellectual, I was . . . well . . . just wondering where the hell the beer was.
She got me to read books beyond those that were assigned in my classes. She convinced me to stop turning in papers I thought would please my teachers and instead write what I thought. And I did much better in school for that.
She knew what she wanted in bed and wasn’t shy about telling me. She wasn’t embarassed by her body. Contrary to being with my contemporaries, I could relax and actually enjoy sex.
And we could talk. For hours at end and long into the night. Here the age, and all the other differences, worked for us; it was fodder for conversation.
It ended. I couldn’t stay an undergrad forever (turns out that after a certain number of credits, the bastards make you graduate). I couldn’t stay in a small college town forever. We both saw that coming so we parted well.
There’s more to the story, but the bones of it are above. People who knew at the time or have found out since about it sometimes are askance about the age difference. They seem to think there is something inherently exploitive about a relationship with such an age difference. But opinions vary on who might have been using who.
But age didn’t really matter; where we were in life did. I had to move, she didn’t. I’ve ended other relationships for the same reason.
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