Panache said he and his partner would “make it a threesome,” which implies bringing the person into the household to me.
It also seems to me that people have been saying that the only thing they’d want their partner to go outside their relationship for is sex, not any of the emotional stuff.
If they’re going to allow full bore emotional/sexual relationships outside the marriage, then why bother to stay married at all?
I still also think whatever new people were used for sex in these contexts would have to have some pretty low self-esteem, and would basically be accepting a dehumanizing, servant status.
What? So setting aside a relationship, going out for casual sex makes both me and my partner subhuman servants?
And the guy who mentioned “making it a threesome” wasn’t also talking about a separation of emotion and sex, so don’t mix different people’s arguments together.
No one is saying that they’d bring someone to live in their home and exist purely for sex. You have some people saying that they’d create a three-way relationship and others saying that they can keep sex and emotion separate. Two different arguments and ways to approach the same problem.
No, recruiting a person to be used only for sex with the understanding that all your emotional commitment is to somebody else and that you don’t care about the strange for anything but sex is callous and degrading to the strange.
Dude, every single thread where pants off magic comes up, you storm in and assert what a horrible, degrading act sex is. You can’t seem to understand that for many of us, it is often a recreational activity. That’s it. No one’s feelings are hurt, nobody feels bad or used; we’re just having sex because we like it.
Back on topic- kind of- when I go to a bar and hookup with a woman for casual sex, we’re effectively using one another as “tube socks,” as you put it. Do you really think that means we’re degrading one another?
Sex is horrible unless the two people plan on being in some long-term relationship that involves feelings and holding hands. Anything else is a crude and demeaning act that is meant to serve the other partner, but can in no way be enjoyable to any of the parties involved.
Servant to the other partner, even though neither party enjoys any part of it, of course.
What if you find someone in the same situation? You both have spouses who are physically unable to provide you with a fulfilling sexual relationship and you come together knowing that each of you is devoted to your spouse but need the physical release?
Personally I would stay if it was a physical problem but I would leave if it was just a lack of desire. If you still want to fuck but you just aren’t interested in me that isn’t fair to either of us to stay together in that situation. I would gladly stay in a relationship where we just weren’t capable of sex and I would have an amaxing collection of sex toys to keep myself busy.
Plainly, what’s needed is a specialized dating service to anonymously hook up partners who are both in this situation in their relationships. “DeadEndLover.com” or some such.
I guess there’d be a risk of accidentally getting paired up with one’s own spouse, like in the Pina Colada Song.
FYI, our relationship has been 100% monogamous for over 22 years, and there’s nothing about it that would be considered an “open dynamic,” whatever the hell you mean by that.
And this third person is a dear friend of both of us, whom we’ve known and loved almost as long as we’ve been together. He lost his partner a few years ago, and if the situation arose - and if he were still single - we would welcome him into our family as an equal partner, certainly not just for sex.
Yeah, but you are freaking paralyzed or whatever. Nothing about that is going to be easy to accept. When something like that happens, you are sailing some difficult uncharted waters in a variety of ways.
Why would the children know or care about this. You tell them “Mom is going off to Bingo night” or whatever and that’s the end of the story.
I’m single, and haven’t had a lot of action for a while. I invited a nice young man I knew to be healthy and clean from a nearby town to come visit me. We had a good time, and he left in the morning. It was just that- a good time. Sure, we both hope to find great partners to have a committed relationship with. But, until then, what’s wrong with having a little fun?
Isn’t it interesting how a person can automatically assume that sex with a third party is automatically “callous and degrading” . . . without even knowing the actual circumstances or the people involved.
There are plenty of “callous and degrading” relationships between married couples; the existence of a marriage license . . . or the existence of a spouse at home . . . doesn’t necessarily change anything.