If you give someone a gift of unearmarked money, they may choose to spend it as they wish. That doesn’t mean you have no say in how they spend money you give them. If you offer to pay for your grandchild’s braces, the parents don’t get to spend the money on a vacation.
If you ask a relative for money for food and they agree to give it to you, that’s not even a gift. If you have money for flowers, why are you begging for food money? Begging should be reserved for necessities, not flowers. I will decide to give you $10 for food and give up the potential flowers I’d have bought for myself. You don’t get to turn around and buy flowers for yourself with my money when I’ve given up my own flowers for your meal.
If you are right about where the money is going, your relative is getting scammed and you are indirectly, by the look of it. A quick look at Meyer’s website shows that she advises her marks that the best strategy when in financial difficulty is not to try to earn more money but to trust in the magical sky pixie, and to keep giving Meyer money. Meyer meanwhile is monumentally wealthy, according to Wikipedia. I don’t think a meeting to your relative’s “pastor” would achieve anything other than more exhortations to keep sending Meyer money.
Had to look up “tithe”.
Well, it sounds like the sky pixie is working out well for Meyer at least.
I would probably be pretty offended to hear that someone was giving government assistance money to a scam artist. That money is to keep body and soul together, not for wasting like that.
Put me in the camp that I would not give the relative another cent, and I’d probably tell her why, too.
Oh, now that is NOT the same as giving 10% to her church. Not at all.
And I kind of like Joyce Meyer. She reminds me of a lady I used to work with, who I found out a while back is now deceased.
Even if I knew the people involved were reliable, I would simply ask that the bill be sent to me, and pay it directly. :rolleyes:
The question is not how to prevent the recipient of your largess from using the money as they see fit in spite of your wishes, but whether it is wrong for them to do so. It is.
This is exactly correct, IMO.
There are 7 of us surviving siblings.
My Dad always said he was his own charity.
If she brings it up again - and she will - say to her, “The thing is, you’re giving away the money I gave you. *You’re *not the one tithing, I am.”
(I’d be tempted to add that if God wanted my money, he could come and ask me for it himself… but that might be an unwarranted amount of snark, particularly for a close relative.)
You absolutely did the right thing by cutting her off. Enabling her financial irresponsibility would be bad news all 'round.
Anything is possible. But I think a scenario like that would be significantly more plausible if the OP were the parent of the tither.
Well in that case I would be inclined to ask her for charitable receipts for the donations. I would tell her that my accountant wants them because he thinks I might be able to work it out so as to get a tax write-off.
Dah fuck? I could understand titheing to a church, it helps maintain the building, it helps pay the wages of the pastors who help you and it keeps the lights on.
Paying it to someone who at best sees you as an income stream is terrible. Maybe you should take her to a real-world real church with real Christians with a real (well, genuine) pastor. You’ll help widen her social group, and a caring pastor would not exploit her and might actually help her.
Why doesn’t such a religious woman go to church?
You probably won’t convince her to stop tithing; I wouldn’t even try.
But I’d definitely quit giving her money. You really don’t owe anyone an explanation for not continuing to bail them out month after month.
Unlikely, but don’t be surprised if He sends some of his goons over.
“Nice eternal soul you got there. Be a real shame if something happened to it.”
She expects this from you because you have turned yourself into an ATM, by giving her money every month. In my eyes, this is entirely your issue, no matter how offensively she spends it.
There is only one way for this to change, and it’s on you, not her. Close down the ATM. Just say no. I wouldn’t bother trying to reason with her, or go into the whole tithing thing. Just don’t give her any more money. If you’re terribly uncomfortable saying no, (and let’s be honest - that’s how you got here), claim a ‘reversal of fortunes’, and leave it at that.
Nothing is going to change here until you do, in my humble opinion. Wishing you Good Luck with this!
Here’s where her tithes are going:
In November 2003, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch published a four-part special report detailing Meyer’s “$10 million corporate jet, her husband’s $107,000 silver-gray Mercedes sedan, her $2 million home and houses worth another $2 million for her four children,” a $20 million headquarters, furnished with “$5.7 million worth of furniture, artwork, glassware, and the latest equipment and machinery,” including a “$30,000 malachite round table, a $23,000 marble-topped antique commode, a $14,000 custom office bookcase, a $7,000 Stations of the Cross in Dresden porcelain, a $6,300 eagle sculpture on a pedestal, another eagle made of silver bought for $5,000, and numerous paintings purchased for $1,000 to $4,000 each,” among many other expensive items – all paid for by the ministry. The articles prompted Wall Watchers (a Christian nonprofit watchdog group) to call on the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) to investigate Meyer and her family.
I suggest you tell her that instead of giving her the money, you’re going to tithe too. :smack:
Tell her that you have worked out a better solution. You will simply pay her tithes for her and she can manage her money herself. Don’t pay the tithes. Problem solved.
I was going to suggest the OP march to the church to furiously demand her money back, not in hopes of actually getting her money back, but simply to induce the church to speak to the congregation about when tithing is expected and to the relative in particular about what is expected and appropriate. But apparently it isn’t even an actual proper church. Huh.
In that case, OP, perhaps you could help pay for mental help.